Customer Complains of Being Shipwrecked & Quotes Bible Verses

[Phone Jockey]

This is an actual e-mail from a very strange cable customer:

"Your home page being inactive greatly harmed my affection for you. If you can fix it in a way that I can take the story notes, I would again feel proud of your company. Madness is also when your company demands full pay for high-speed service!! I relayed this hearsay in a reversed way, but now I sing Amazing Grace because your employees have saved a wretched programmer like me. Now I see how to clear out trash. It’s amazing they came and found me ship-wrecked on the high sea with slaves of bad words against you but Paul's Eph:2.8 converted me (Mr. Newton to scribe this song near 1474 that has made sweet the sound in most of your company’s churches) that not of myself could I find. To them only, I say thanks for this gift."

[crazylegs]

Who is it that has the following sig?

Say no to drugs, because if drugs are talking to you there's a problem

I would suggest that would be good advice to this poor wretched programmer.

[Phone Jockey]

Say no to drugs, because if drugs are talking to you there's a problem. I would suggest that would be good advice to this poor wretched programmer.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I don't know if this person was someone who was on drugs or who SHOULD have been on drugs!

[karath]

Who is it that has the following sig?

Say no to drugs, because if drugs are talking to you there's a problem

I would suggest that would be good advice to this poor wretched programmer.

That'd be peppergirl, crazylegs. Got to say it definitely fits the situation; real moment there!

[RetailWorkhorse]

...........wait, wait, it's a puzzle (what else would it be?)! Hang on while I try to decipher it....who has a picture of the Last Supper? We need to cut the little eyeballs out. Wait, wrong show, that had to do with a prison and you're not a prison....

[RetailWorkhorse]

This is an actual e-mail from a very strange cable customer:

"Your home page being inactive greatly harmed my affection for you. If you can fix it in a way that I can take the story notes, I would again feel proud of your company. Madness is also when your company demands full pay for high-speed service!! I relayed this hearsay in a reversed way, but now I sing Amazing Grace because your employees have saved a wretched programmer like me. Now I see how to clear out trash. It’s amazing they came and found me ship-wrecked on the high sea with slaves of bad words against you but Paul's Eph:2.8 converted me (Mr. Newton to scribe this song near 1474 that has made sweet the sound in most of your company’s churches) that not of myself could I find. To them only, I say thanks for this gift."

Okay, I think I got.

The homepage is down and that makes the E-mail writer mad. They'd be happy if you fixed it so they could go back to reading the news. They want a discount, likely for the page being down. They're....happy?...when the employees fixes stuff and showed him/her/it how to clean up the computer's files and crap. So he/she/it is singing praises (GOOD PUPPY!). And a big thanks.

.......I'm still confused and now I feel sick.

[Pagan]

Ya know, normally I'd say you need to be on drugs for something like this to make sense, BUT....I'm on a lot of cold meds right now, and this still doesn't make any sense!

[Phone Jockey]

The homepage is down and that makes the E-mail writer mad. They'd be happy if you fixed it so they could go back to reading the news. They want a discount, likely for the page being down. They're....happy?...when the employees fixes stuff and showed him/her/it how to clean up the computer's files and crap. So he/she/it is singing praises (GOOD PUPPY!). And a big thanks.

You know you're going mad when you're able to interpret customer e-mails / phone calls. Are you feeling like your eyes are crossing or you're having anal leakage...anything unusual? (Unless that's usual for you...)

[RetailWorkhorse]

Kinda sorta meant "mad" as in angry.

[Phone Jockey]

Kinda sorta meant "mad" as in angry.

That sounds like me at work, every day, dealing with these e-mail yahoos. Then again, I'll laugh my head off when reading some of them too...

[BlackIronCrown]

Wife says:

"You have no chance to survive make your time. Someone set him up the bomb."

[thehippie777]

Okay...what the crap was that message all about? Was English a second language or what was the deal? help me....

[Polenicus]

That's more like someone typed an e-mail in their native tongue and tossed it through Babelfish or something. Lots of literal translations of words that produce an effect that normally requires hallucinogens or 138 straight hours of spanish Seasame Street.

[friendofjimmyk]

"...greatly harmed my affection for you.

I think I'm going to use this line with people who are close to me when they do something wrong.

"Your lack of ability to clean up after yourself while in my house has greatly harmed my affection for you."

[Becks]

who has a picture of the Last Supper? We need to cut the little eyeballs out. Wait, wrong show, that had to do with a prison and you're not a prison....

I thought it was from Con Air.