Food bank follies

[rerant]

I figured now was as good a time as any to post a few of the interesting calls I've received while at the food bank, seeing as I'm sitting here being bored anyway.



Me: <spiel>
Caller: I want to talk to the head of the food bank.
Me: I'm sorry she's not in right now, would you like to leave a voicemail?
Caller: NO! I want to talk to someone now!
Me: What is this regarding?
Caller: I saw you guys on the TV (a couple months ago there was a major city-wide food drive to break a Guinness World Record that got plenty of news coverage) and I wanted to talk to someone about one of the women who was interviewed.
Me: Go on...
Caller: I've been loyal to the food bank with my donations, you know. Three years ago I donated $20 and now I see some FAT woman on TV talking about how she's been using the food bank for years.
Me: So what's the problem here, sir?
Caller: She's overweight!
Me: And?
Caller: How can someone who is overweight need a food bank?
Me: Sir?
Caller: What?
Me: Your complaint is ridiculous.
Caller: *click*
Me:

********************

Me: <spiel>
Caller: Oh hi this is (name) from (company). I do uh... you know, poor people stuff and was hoping to hold a press conference. Who would I speak to about that?
Me: You do what, I'm sorry?
Caller: Poor people stuff.

We chatted for a moment and I transferred her to the media rep's voicemail but for fuck sake, poor people stuff? And you want to hold a press conference?
Good fucking luck with THAT one, geeze.
If her voicemail ends up sounding anything like the conversation we had I would be very surprised if she gets a call back.

********************

Me: <spiel>
Caller: YOUR ORGANIZATION IS A SHAM!
Me: Do you have an extension for that?
Caller: *click*

*******************

Me: <spiel>
Caller: Hi, uh.... I was wondering if you guys accepted home made jams and jellies.
Me: I'm honestly not sure, let me find that out for you.

I put the caller on hold, ask my sup, she says no because of health code regulations. I feel dumb for not realising the obvious.

Me: Sir? Hi I asked and no we can't accept them.
Caller: Well what should I do with them then?
Me: You could always eat them.
Caller: But they're gross.



********************

Every damn day I get this call. I think he's one of the drivers.

Me: <spiel>
Caller: EXTENSION 266 PLEASE!

He's not yelling in a rude or angry way, but more so in a way that you would yell to your friends in order to talk to them over the music of a crowded bar or club.
It never fails to give me a heart attack.

[Rayndel2]

Caller: EXTENSION 266 PLEASE!

OKAY!

Me: Do you have an extension for that?

I didn't know *Click* was an extension. <o0>

[Becks]

Me: Do you have an extension for that?

Evil. I like it.

Me: Sir? Hi I asked and no we can't accept them.
Caller: Well what should I do with them then?
Me: You could always eat them.
Caller: But they're gross.

How'd I know it was going to end like that?

[NightWatch]

Me: Sir? Hi I asked and no we can't accept them.
Caller: Well what should I do with them then?
Me: You could always eat them.
Caller: But they're gross.

Sorry to disappoint you, but those who are financially inferior to you are also human and probably would not enjoy your gross jellies either... I mean shit, I've seen plenty of people go dumpster diving, they still go for the fresh stuff on top... They tend to steer clear of gross/icky/rotting anything...

[BookstoreEscapee]

You know, it used to be that being fat was a sign of wealth...because you could afford rich foods and you weren't doing physical work to survive...

Now it's the other way around...because you can't afford a gym membership and junk food is cheap.

[Eric the Grey]

Me: Sir? Hi I asked and no we can't accept them.
Caller: Well what should I do with them then?
Me: You could always eat them.
Caller: But they're gross.

Maybe I'm showing my age, but I got an instant image of and episode of Mayberry RFD, with Andy and Barny handing out homemade preserves to "Safe Drivers" who were passing through town, just to get rid of them...


Eric the Grey

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Are you kidding? I bribe my Mother every year to send me a box of her homemade preserves. I live on them all year long.

Perhaps they didn't have enough refined sugar in them for him?

[Stryker One]

OKAY!



I didn't know *Click* was an extension. <o0>

CLICK is the extension for Mr. D. Tone.

[edible_hat]

Now it's the other way around...because you can't afford a gym membership and junk food is cheap.

My future mother-in-law is proof of this.

[Naaman]

Are you kidding? I bribe my Mother every year to send me a box of her homemade preserves. I live on them all year long.

Perhaps they didn't have enough refined sugar in them for him?

But like everything worthwhile in life it needs practice....

Just sounded like someone needs a lot more practice

[edible_hat]

Just sounded like someone needs a lot more practice

Sounds like my family's adventures in winemaking. My uncle bought a vineyard when he retired, he sells most of the grapes to commercial winemakers (some goe sinto a blend sold under the Quarterback label in the US) but keeps some for the family.

The first batch was undrinkable.
The second batch had too much sediment.
The third batch kept fermenting in the bottles (we forgot to add the stuff that kills the yeast) and fired corks all over various wine storage areas (and sprayed wine all over two cars).
The fourth batch was OK if you didn't have anything else to drink.
The fifth batch was OK but a lot stronger than most red wines.

By the sixth batch we'd finally figured it out.

[PepperElf]

Caller: But they're gross.

My idea of a response: Then why do you think anyone ELSE would want them either? These are poor people not trash cans for crap you wouldn't feed yourself!

Back home the priest did something similar at a collection for the poor. He chewed out a woman who was trying to donate t-shirts that were basically rags. Cos it's shitty to give them shit that you wouldn't want to use yourself.

[Samaliel]

You really have to want it for homemade jam to turn gross... I mean, how hard is it to cook fruits and had some sugar ?

[Geek King]

Now it's the other way around...because you can't afford a gym membership and junk food is cheap.

Um...You don't need a Gym membership to get out and walk. Stairwells make great basic leg workouts, and a couple of heavy books or a sack of produce can double for free wieghts. Poverty != wieght.

You really have to want it for homemade jam to turn gross... I mean, how hard is it to cook fruits and had some sugar ?

I have a grandmother who would merrily bludgeon you to death with homemade strawberry jam, but I will not tell her you said that because it would be a terrible waste of that which is yummy.

[Samaliel]

I have a grandmother who would merrily bludgeon you to death with homemade strawberry jam, but I will not tell her you said that because it would be a terrible waste of that which is yummy.

Both my grandmothers, and also my mother, used to make their jams and jellies (raspberry, blackberry, blackcurrant, redcurrant, elderberry, cherry, quince & apples and even rose hip) and, while it's actually quite hard to make jelly become real jelly, rather than some kind of thick sugared juice, I can't see anyway to make any of those taste gross, short of burning them.

I was part of the process more than once - and I mean that I didn't only licked the pans and spoons - and even though we had a fair share of less than perfect batches, we never had any that were gross. Even those that had gotten a bit moldy on the top were still yummy once we got rid of the hints of mold.

Seriously, while it's obviously feasible to make gross home made jam or jelly, I don't know how you could "achieve" it.