WTF? Insensitive much?

[Eisa]

Have to write about it. D: I know, I'm whinging. But this is yet another reminder of why I don't wanna live here anymore, and yet another impetus to gtfo >>~

So I've had a migraine for 3 days. It's actually been kinda nice, because my aunt leaves me alone. I know that I'm paying rent by helping her clean, but...she's a hoarder... >.> It gets tiring as shit very fast.

Oh, and short background: I've been cutting since I was 14. I haven't cut now since 2009. My parents found out [again] in 2008, didn't do jack shit. However, I don't know if my mom ever told my aunt about it. I'm really hoping not at this point.

Anyways. She wanted to talk to me today so I dragged myself outta my room with my sunglasses on 'cause the lights in her room are bright as fuck. And she said something about how I'd hung my towel up [cuz obviously I can't even do that right xP], and then was like "I don't care what you do in the bathroom." Ok...

"But don't cut yourself." And why must I not do that, I wonder?

"Because it will get blood on the rug and blood is hard to get out."



What the...what the fuck? First of all, where the fuck did THAT example come from? And secondly...your first concern is for the goddamned RUG?

I hate that this is my best option for housing right now. >.>

[Food Lady]

Ugh, I'm totally frustrated for you. And sooo glad I live alone.

[Akasa]

OMG! That's just beyond words.

[RootedPhoenix]

I...She..it...I...



*offers Eisa hugs, and lots of cookies*

[Eisa]

I'm just...wondering why I can't be related to normal people at this point. D: She's better, but still. Jeez.

Oh, and also. Did you know that having a psychology degree means you're able to cure yourself of anxiety and ptsd? I am AMAZING.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Some people deflect their concern into purely pragmatic forms-- like concern for the rug; simply because it's less awkward/emotionally draining/involved. (I do this sometimes, when shit gets heavy. My concern for the person, however, is usually perfectly clear.)
However. This... doesn't sound like it.
Psychologists must see other psychologists to keep themselves healthy... just like doctors and dentists! And you just have a degree... >_> how far does that actually get you into being a practicing psychologist, anyway?
EDIT: not to mention anxiety and PSTD are long, involved, and hairy things in the first place... sheesh!
's for Eisa.

[Eisa]

Thankies. Yeah, she expressed zero concern about if I actually did self-injure. Or accidentally do it for that matter. Nope, she went into a diatribe about her rug.

It gets me...zilch. I have to go on and either get a master's in counseling or a PhD/PsyD in psychology to have a chance at being a practicing therapist. I had Abnormal Psych and that's it for mental disorders, and you don't learn about being a therapist in undergrad. Closest was "Ethical and Professional Issues" that you could take with the grad students, and that simply went over the stupid shit you don't do.

And also because I'm not magically healed yet, I obviously don't want to be. Or I would be HEALED! So really, it's all my fault I'm still anxious and stuff. According to her.

[zombiequeen]

:hugs: I know how that works.
The best situations for housing generally suck the most. I told my hubby's granmda, who I'm living with, that I can't eat red meat and EVERY night there's some huge nasty slab of meat for me to eat. I can't even look at it without gagging because I'll just puke it up if I do eat.
More :hugs:
I'm sure it's just some stupid old fashioned thinking there. If you need to rant, I'm on the computer most of the time.

[RootedPhoenix]

Thankies. Yeah, she expressed zero concern about if I actually did self-injure. Or accidentally do it for that matter. Nope, she went into a diatribe about her rug.

Since when are rugs more important than people? AUGH. *hugshugs massive hugs*

And also because I'm not magically healed yet, I obviously don't want to be. Or I would be HEALED! So really, it's all my fault I'm still anxious and stuff. According to her.

That sounds a lot like "If you'd just try harder...." If I tried harder...what? I'd be magically okay? "I don't see you doing anything, so you must not be trying." *megafacepalm!* I AM TRYING. YOU'RE JUST...stupid or something.

It's enough to make me cry in anger. Magical thinking doesn't work! Optimism is awesome, but reality isn't always happy and full of puppies and rainbows. I say "I can't do X in Y way./I can't do X at all." They say "But whyyyyy won't you tryyy. If you try I'm sure you can! "



But of course, I don't want to get better. Oh, no, I mean, these migraines and suicidal tendencies are just grand...I'm just dragging my feet around for my own entertainment!

I guess that whole thing was to tell you that I really do understand. >_<

*hugs everyone having these problems*

[Barracuda]

I would also add that if your migraine lasts much longer or gets any worse, see a doctor ASAP. My friend had a migraine that lasted a week. By the time he finally saw a doctor, he had a large abscess in his brain that had to be drained. Sorry to hear about your problems with your aunt, I have a couple friends who have suffered from the impulse to cut; it is no joking matter and certainly deserving of more understanding than she gave you. Are you undergoing any kind of treatment for it?

[Eisa]

zombiequeen: That sounds annoying as all hell. I don't even get what the point of that is, unless it's just to make you miserable.


RP: Since now, apparently. It's a shitty rug in the first place, and I really don't see why we even have an actual fluffy rug in the bathroom. It's stupid.

Oh yes, the old "I don't see you trying." Well, you wouldn't, would you? Considering it's all INTERNAL? I mean, it's not like trying to fix your own anxiety emblazons you in rainbows...although that would be massively awesome if it did.

But yeah--at least she's stopped doing the "if you were your own psychologist, what would YOU do?" Um...find a proper therapist? How the fuck would I know, I'm NOT a psychologist, I only have a four-year degree, and that gives me jack shit in knowing how to fix people! Gah!


Barracuda: Yikes! It only lasted 3 days, I think. I've had one last 4 days and had to go to urgent care to get shots and that helped. No, I'm not. I at least haven't done it since 2009, although I've...erm...backslid a couple times in different ways since then.

[Jester]

Since when are rugs more important than people?

Not in this case, of course, but I have met many people that I would consider far less important than a good rug.

If you try I'm sure you can!

Sometimes this is true, sometimes it is not. For example, I have tried to dunk a basketball for years. I have succeeded exactly once, and I was asleep and dreaming at the time.

[zombiequeen]

zombiequeen: That sounds annoying as all hell. I don't even get what the point of that is, unless it's just to make you miserable.

I don't even know why. I told them that I'm changing my diet and so now every time I go downstairs gramma is reminding me that there's cereal in the cupboard...normally after I've already got a cup of it and am heading back upstairs.
If I were my own psychologist...I would find a better psychologist for me. NOBODY should self-treat like that.

[Eisa]

Jester: There is that. My aunt, for instance, is less than a good rug.

I will probably never be able to do a marathon...or sell out a rock concert...or...



zombiequeen: She sounds like a twat, to be honest.

Yeah, no kidding. Can I get a consultation and a referral? You're not even supposed to self-DIAGNOSE, much less self-treat like that. Not to say you can't try to fix your own problems, but when they're obviously past the level of self-help...



Then again, I do come from the family where...my friend called the police on me when I was 19 from across the country, he was so worried I was going to seriously hurt myself. I had to talk to the cops and convince them I wasn't suicidal. Or at least, that I wouldn't do anything. My parents' reactions were as follows: My dad asked why I got home so late and I said cuz my friend called the cops on me. He said "Oh why, cuz you're so depressed ?" Sole reaction. My mom started crying and blathering and making it all about her. This was the end of November. It took until the middle of FEBRUARY for her to line up a therapy appointment [had to have her help cuz of her insurance]. Yep...feeling the love there, guys...

[zombiequeen]

Eisa: She is really old and diabetic and...failing to say it bluntly. There's a reason there's 7 tubs of margarine in the fridge, and that's because she won't remember she has any and will buy more. She's really bitchy most of the time, but then there's times where she isn't. I dunno, it's just kind of odd I guess.
Don't you know? That's why there's a self-help section at the bookstore My mum doesn't believe in depression, she brought home this stupid "Stomping out Depression the Christian Way" book that basically said "it's all in your head, Satan's making you think bad thoughts, do your devotions and stop focusing on things that aren't god and you won't be depressed anymore." It did give my brother and I a good laugh, but other than that it actually made things worse.