Dumbest thing an ex ever said

[Redbeard]

Now, I don't mean "when we were married", I'm thinking more along lines of this gem that was posted

For me, it was when my first wife announced that I wasn't good enough for her, left for a month, couldn't stay there anymore, and then announced that she was moving back in to my apartment and that when she had a date she'd let me know so I could go spend the night somewhere else.

[Mishi]

Me (at 13): "What, exactly, do you think you're going to be doing with those condoms and why did you buy them on our first date?"
Idiot (14 and rather dumbstruck): "I...uh...I guess I'm gonna be making waterbombs with them?"

[Barracuda]

I'm curious, Redbeard--what did you do? I would have told her "Uh, NO, you AREN'T moving back in, you made your bed, now go lie in it."

[I am the Lizard Queen!!]

For me it wasn't even the pocket dial . It was the telephone call that came 1 week after we seperated when he said. " ( my best friend at the time ) And i are having a relationship . But it only happened after you I broke up!!!" mmmm hmmmm. Wow. In this last week. Oh and u think u r in LOVE??? That's amazingly believable!!!!! I am completely NOT skeptical about the timing of this !
Then he followed up with " I'm parked outside. Let's talk about this"
Ugh. Get the fuck away from me and my new apartment you scuzzy twat waffle.
I have never golf someone to go fuck themselves with such total sincerity.

[I am the Lizard Queen!!]

Yes, redbeard I'm hoping you hold her to take a walk !!!!

[Zellie Crescent]

Exactly! It's your apartment, tell her to go get a hotel.

[Aislin]

"how much does an abortion cost?". Interesting question as I wasn't pregnant and he was the only person I had ever been with and had never been pregnant so how would I know and why did he need that information? Ah well the girl he was cheating on me with has a lovely baby girl who is 7 or so years old now. She wasn't his so, that girl was classy.

[Misanthropical]

It wasn't what the asshole said, it was the list he handed he handed me on our one and only date. It was a list of what he demanded from his future wife. It was the one and only time I dated a Pentecostal preacher.

-His wife was expected to wear her hair pinned up when out in public.
-She was never to cut her hair for any reason.
-Always to walk behind him by at least 3 feet.
-She was never to say "no" when he wanted sex.
-Sleep naked until they had children then she could wear a nightgown to bed.
-He was always right on everything.
-He was the only one allowed to deal with financial matters.
-She was not to buy anything without his permission.
-She was not to question him on anything including if he was late coming home.
-Dinner done and on the table by no later than 6 PM.

There were other things listed that I don't remember off the top of my head and I only stayed on that date because he drove me there. Last I heard he was still looking for a wife.

[Rapscallion]

Last I heard he was still looking for his teeth.

I spotted a typo. Hope you don't mind.

Rapscallion

[FormerCallingCardRep]

From my oldest, this happened just a few days ago

He had the nerve to ask her for her engagement ring so he could propose to the slut he cheated on my Oldest with

[Jay 2K Winger]

Now, I don't mean "when we were married", I'm thinking more along lines of this gem that was posted

For me, it was when my first wife announced that I wasn't good enough for her, left for a month, couldn't stay there anymore, and then announced that she was moving back in to my apartment and that when she had a date she'd let me know so I could go spend the night somewhere else.

Wow. That takes a lot of chutzpah to say to someone.

Echoing the sentiment that I hope you told her to fuck off.

[RayvenQ]

The doozy from my ex:

Her: "Because you said you'd hang out with 2 fictional characters all day, that PROVES you were gonna cheat on me!"

Because, according to her, "hanging out" is apparantley my codeword for wanting to have sex with them!

[Redbeard]

I'm curious, Redbeard--what did you do? I would have told her "Uh, NO, you AREN'T moving back in, you made your bed, now go lie in it."

I just looked at her and went "So...you don't want to be married to me, but you think it's okay to fuck other guys in my bed?"
she blinked a couple of times and went "I guess that is pretty stupid, isn't it"
Me: "Yes. Yes it is. No, you can't live here."

Soon afte she let me know that she'd love it if she could come visit my family for Christmas when I flew to see them. Guess who she was expecting to pay for the air faire?

[TruthHurts]

My ex showed up for a date one evening with scratches on his back and a hickey on his neck. He tried to tell me that the scratches were from falling out of his car and the hickey came from sleeping in the wrong position.

I dumped him promptly though he still stuck to his story months later.

[Eireann]

This isn't the stupidest thing he said (at least, I don't think so), but it does give an idea of the kind of pseudo-intellectual he was, and may still be.

His parents were divorced, and they had both remarried. He lived with his mother and stepfather. He rarely saw his biological father, who lived in another state. When he spoke of the man, he always - without fail - referred to him as "my paternal father".

I pointed out once that this was incorrect; paternal means on the father's side, such as a grandparent or other relative. (I know that it also refers to emotion, but such was not the case here.)

He refused to believe me, as always, and wherever he is now, he's probably causing a lot of hard-to-conceal laughter by talking about his paternal father.