Burnout

[Kanalah]

I know I haven't been active on here lately - life is kicking my butt. And it's winning.

2 Main things I have to deal with; the business and Hubs.

One thing that I did differently this year is that I picked up a lot of new shows in the spring and summer. I normally don't start doing shows until Really Big Craft Show. Sadly, even though I made sure to have a lot of less-expensive things, I haven't sold anything. All year. Between paying booth rent, gas and donations (of course each show I did required every vendor to donate something for a charity raffle) I'm out $1,500 already.

Because I haven't sold anything, I'm really nervous about Really Big Craft Show. I know if I don't sell anything, not only will I lose time and money, but my Mom and Gma will have all day to complain about how my prices are too high and what a terrible person I am. So I am still working my butt off, but I'm more anxious about this show then I've ever been before. I've decided that if I can't sell anything, I'm better off donating my fabric and closing up shop.

And then there's Hubs. Now that both kids are in school, he seems to think that I have nothing to do all day. He's stopped doing anything at all around the house. I've tried telling him that I'm working during the day too - but he says that his job provides for us and mine is a waste of time. So now I'm stuck running all the errands and doing all the cooking and cleaning. He'll even complain if things aren't done exactly how he wants it. It's gotten to the point that he gets up, gets dressed and plays on the computer until I get the kids up, dressed and fed. After I pick him up from work, then it's back on the computer until he decides he wants to go to bed. It's like I have 2 little kids and a surly teenager.

I've tried talking to him about it, but it just doesn't work. And to be honest, I'm tired of everything being a fight. Right now I'm planning to get done everything I can for Really Big Craft Show, then afterwards I will make sure the house is spotless. If he can't straighten up, I'm planning in January to leave.

[Pedersen]

hugs kana, we're here to help if we can. What do you need? If it's just someone to listen, well, you have my number. Feel free to call.

[Andara Bledin]

I may have missed it before, but have you done counseling?

A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and it really doesn't sound like he treats you much like a partner.

It's really a shame that you have to deal with this.

^-.-^

[telecom_goddess]

Wow I'm sorry you have to deal with the stress of business being bad and a husband acting that way to boot.

I don't remember if this was mentioned before but do you have an online shop? Or have you tried a kickstarter thing?

[Seraph]

<hugs> Kana....you can always talk to me, anytime, if you need anything. I'm sorry that stuff's piling up like this...I will be praying that your burden lightens, and that you sell some quilts.

...also that a piano falls on your mother's head.

[Kanalah]

I don't know what I need just yet. I don't want to bother people with weepy phone calls though.

I talked to hubs about counseling, he said he doesn't need it, but I probably do since I "don't understand how the real world works."

I do have an online shop, but it's been painfully slow - unless you count the scammers and freebie-seekers

He's been on a health kick lately, so he "allows" me one soda per day. He's also said that I'm fat. (for the record I weigh 137, and he wants me to weigh 125.) Funny thing is, when he feels like he's been a jerk to me, he goes out and buys junk food - but I can't eat it, because then he calls me fat again.

When both of the kids started school he said I needed to either keep the entire house spotless every day or I needed to get a job to pay for a maid. I went to every place that was hiring and was turned down everywhere because I can only work while the kids were in school.

He decided that he didn't want to pay the bills anymore since "growing up his mom always handled that anyway, so I should too." So he threw a tantrum and refused to log into the bank website to pay them. I wanted to keep living in a house with lights and running water, so I had to log in and take care of it. By then they were late and we had to pay extra, and he blamed it on me.

It seems lately the only thing he says is "I don't like dealing with that." And of course it's something that *has* to get done, so then I end up taking care of it. Everyone I've talked to about it IRL, tells me that "that's just how men are" and I just need to learn how to deal with it.

I do have a job at my son's school that I make $80.00/month from. I know if I leave, I won't have a house, car or phone, and I'll have to go to the library to get online. From checking Child support websites, I'll either have to pay $50/month or $14/month. Just hoping I can live on the rest.

[ArcticChicken]

That's not how men are. That's how children are.

I don't know what I need just yet. I don't want to bother people with weepy phone calls though.

It's not a bother if people have volunteered for it, and a good cry in a sympathetic ear can do wonders for the ability to think and plan.

Please don't give up if things don't go well at Really Big Craft Show, at least don't donate your fabric. If you need to take a break, that's one thing, but your quilts are gorgeous. One of your quilts is the top item on my 'luxuries' list for when I have a job.

[MaggieTheCat]

It sounds like HE doesn't know how the real world works. Not wanting to do necessary, and overall SIMPLE tasks like PAYING THE BILLS ON TIME? Expecting you to maintain some ridiculous "perfect image" housewife by staying within HIS weight range and keeping the house up to HIS standards? That is not the real world he is living in, it is a fantasy world he made up in his mind and is forcing onto you and your kids.

I'm sorry. I don't really have any advice other than what he is expecting of you is not normal or healthy. And AC is right, that is not how men act, and anyone who tells you that is a moron.

[Aethian]

He needs a real man to show him he's acting worse then a child.

He's abusing you plain and simple

[firecat88]

No offense, Kana, but your hubby sounds like a Grade A d-waffle. Insulting you, demanding that things be done his way or the highway, and him not helping out with a damn thing to the point of throwing a tantrum is not how a marriage or the real world in general works.

[Andara Bledin]

He's absolutely wrong about not needing counseling, by the way.

Unfortunately, I suspect that the only way you'll get him to go in is if you get counseling on your own, first, and the counselor calls for him to come in, as he obviously doesn't respect you enough to think you know what you're talking about, reality be damned.

^-.-^

[Kara]

I'm so sorry to hear hubs has gone back to his old ways, darlin

I think rather than counseling, he needs a swift kick in the ass.

*Hugs, hugs, and more hugs*

[Seraph]

I think rather than counseling, he needs a swift kick in the ass.

So Kara......road trip? /cracks knuckles

[Kara]

You know it

=/)(\=

[depechemodefan]

Was he always like this? I hate to say this, but once you leave with the kids, things will get better for him. He has to be responsible for things, of course, like the bills. But any child/spousal support he would be obliged to give you would be peanuts.

He's acting like a child but treating you like a child? WTF? I hope he gets walloped by a cluex4. Sorry I can't offer any advice. But I send good vibes your way.