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Because I'm back again with more ranting and/or advice seeking.
This has a lot to do with the sister, and yet, a lot to do with Al.
I moved in 3 years ago this December, and since then my life's gone downhill. Between my forgetting my badges a couple times for the Walmart, and her being lazy (10 minutes past the time I should have left for work, she would call upstairs and say I should get a cab), and her having a crappy car, I had to quit. I had already been written up for a couple things. Thank god I work in a right to work state (bet you've never heard that before)...I was able to quit on the spot, collect my pay, etc.
After that I got some work at a temp agency that they'd gone to before, then I got into the factory that Al works at. You can guess how well THAT went. They wouldn't let me back without a doctor's note saying I was okay, so that petered out.
Everything's kind of gone downhill since then. Sure, I got proposed to (spur of the moment thing on a one day beach trip), and a nice Claddagh ring last Christmas, but every day I feel like I have more reason to doubt that this is going to work.
Aside from the sister issues (standard moocher girl with a kid, likes to "share" her mother's pills, and her mother lets her have them, won't work a job for long, keeps finding reasons to leave jobs, getting angry when we don't play along or question her about where she's going or why she's been gone so long or if we roll our eyes--that last one happened to me), I'm beginning to have problems with Al.
See, he uses IMVU for otherkin talk (please no fratching arguments -- it's basically something like believing that your true self is some form of animal or another. I'm not very clear on this fact), and while at first he hid IMVU from me (standard click away when I'm near...or anyone's near), he's started leaving it open while I'm sitting next to him.
It's really more than I care to elaborate on but suffice it to say that he's gotten into the dom/sub thing and has a "pet" as well as being one. He's actually gotten into this stuff while I'm sitting next to him. He DID like to move across the room after his mother went to bed (long story, tiny house), I suppose to have space because he is a big guy, but since I complained about IMVU (and spent a night sitting in a computer chair across the room) he's mostly stayed on the futon with me until he goes to bed.
Does he think I'm that stupid?
Aside from that, every time I begin to have even a minor outburst of frustration (Oh my GOD, why is she DOING THAT?) his response, seven times out of ten, is "Chill" or more often, "Relax!". As if expressing anger is something I'm not allowed. His view is that it does no good and we can't do anything about the sister anyway.
I swear this place is the reason I have heart palpitations(well that and how sedentary I've gotten).
And on that note, I've gotten really complacent. There are days where I just sit and play Oblivion until I look up and notice that it's 6 or 7, and oh geez I should at least get some dishes done. I had one good "getting stuff done around the house" day a few weeks ago, and while I've felt better since then, I don't know.
I've really gotten the thought, also, that nothing would please the sister more than my being out of the picture. Whenever she is home and he is home and I get a few minutes alone with him (and we're not in his room) she seems to appear. He wonders why I bow out of the room when she enters...and I can't understand why he DOESN'T understand.
He's started using my bank account (Had his tax return put there, etc) as his own, which I don't mind as he's been responsible enough with it. But it felt like I was being tied up further to him.
Especially when he mentioned getting foodstamps together (he works and his mother gets SS and that's all the money coming in right now).
I've really almost come to terms with the fact that I don't want him. I don't want to feel that way, but...
I had to push him to apply full-time to the job he has now, otherwise he would still be going there through the temp agency and he likely wouldn't be employed much right now (temps are last priority there at the factory and they just cut out a WHOLE SHIFT). He doesn't seem to have much ambition...and it worries me as he's a year into his late 20s and his birthday is this month.
Because of the money situation, there's always some bill or another either close to termination or about to go towards that. We make it, but barely. Barely.
I've gotten really depressed and as a result, lazy. I can barely motivate myself to brush my hair everyday, much less anything else. (though I do on some days)
On another note I can't seem to keep my weight under control. I bought a new pair of pants because I was finally going back up to about 140 (a healthy weight for me), and next thing I know, I have a couple inches of clearance in the waistline!
I actually prayed (I don't care if you're religious or not, I just mention this because it happened) to be shown a way out, and last week while looking for a new job that Al might be interested in, I found something at the Macy's in the local mall. I could work 2 days a week only, with some flexible scheduling. I've even been emailed and asked to arrange my own interview (a bit odd to me, but I enjoy the concept).
I hesitate.
Why do I hesitate? I know it would be enough to pay for the YWCA monthly (yes, I've even looked into that), but I have no license and should it get to the point where I got to the YWCA, who's to say that someone would be willing to drive me to work? And suppose I don't get the job? I don't have good enough clothes to interview there, I keep thinking, let alone work there. Plus my GI issue that strikes at the worst possible time and has me running to the bathroom seemingly at random, which I would hate to have to mention in an interview. Yet something keeps telling me that this is the answer to my prayer.
I shouldn't be hesitating, I know. But I left a bad family situation for them, and they're all I have. I feel like it would be giving up and running YET AGAIN.
EDIT: I am also considering community college in the fall, and have already been accepted and am trying to handle FAFSA and such with them.
Okay, now you can break out the 2 x 4s.
It makes me feel better to get this out, actually...
How can I do this? Suppose things shape up here bill-wise, and I get the job, and I still want to leave?
My brain keeps adding more worries to this already big pile, so I'm just going to post more and if I have to, add to it later.
This has a lot to do with the sister, and yet, a lot to do with Al.
I moved in 3 years ago this December, and since then my life's gone downhill. Between my forgetting my badges a couple times for the Walmart, and her being lazy (10 minutes past the time I should have left for work, she would call upstairs and say I should get a cab), and her having a crappy car, I had to quit. I had already been written up for a couple things. Thank god I work in a right to work state (bet you've never heard that before)...I was able to quit on the spot, collect my pay, etc.
After that I got some work at a temp agency that they'd gone to before, then I got into the factory that Al works at. You can guess how well THAT went. They wouldn't let me back without a doctor's note saying I was okay, so that petered out.
Everything's kind of gone downhill since then. Sure, I got proposed to (spur of the moment thing on a one day beach trip), and a nice Claddagh ring last Christmas, but every day I feel like I have more reason to doubt that this is going to work.
Aside from the sister issues (standard moocher girl with a kid, likes to "share" her mother's pills, and her mother lets her have them, won't work a job for long, keeps finding reasons to leave jobs, getting angry when we don't play along or question her about where she's going or why she's been gone so long or if we roll our eyes--that last one happened to me), I'm beginning to have problems with Al.
See, he uses IMVU for otherkin talk (please no fratching arguments -- it's basically something like believing that your true self is some form of animal or another. I'm not very clear on this fact), and while at first he hid IMVU from me (standard click away when I'm near...or anyone's near), he's started leaving it open while I'm sitting next to him.
It's really more than I care to elaborate on but suffice it to say that he's gotten into the dom/sub thing and has a "pet" as well as being one. He's actually gotten into this stuff while I'm sitting next to him. He DID like to move across the room after his mother went to bed (long story, tiny house), I suppose to have space because he is a big guy, but since I complained about IMVU (and spent a night sitting in a computer chair across the room) he's mostly stayed on the futon with me until he goes to bed.
Does he think I'm that stupid?
Aside from that, every time I begin to have even a minor outburst of frustration (Oh my GOD, why is she DOING THAT?) his response, seven times out of ten, is "Chill" or more often, "Relax!". As if expressing anger is something I'm not allowed. His view is that it does no good and we can't do anything about the sister anyway.
I swear this place is the reason I have heart palpitations(well that and how sedentary I've gotten).
And on that note, I've gotten really complacent. There are days where I just sit and play Oblivion until I look up and notice that it's 6 or 7, and oh geez I should at least get some dishes done. I had one good "getting stuff done around the house" day a few weeks ago, and while I've felt better since then, I don't know.
I've really gotten the thought, also, that nothing would please the sister more than my being out of the picture. Whenever she is home and he is home and I get a few minutes alone with him (and we're not in his room) she seems to appear. He wonders why I bow out of the room when she enters...and I can't understand why he DOESN'T understand.
He's started using my bank account (Had his tax return put there, etc) as his own, which I don't mind as he's been responsible enough with it. But it felt like I was being tied up further to him.
Especially when he mentioned getting foodstamps together (he works and his mother gets SS and that's all the money coming in right now).
I've really almost come to terms with the fact that I don't want him. I don't want to feel that way, but...
I had to push him to apply full-time to the job he has now, otherwise he would still be going there through the temp agency and he likely wouldn't be employed much right now (temps are last priority there at the factory and they just cut out a WHOLE SHIFT). He doesn't seem to have much ambition...and it worries me as he's a year into his late 20s and his birthday is this month.
Because of the money situation, there's always some bill or another either close to termination or about to go towards that. We make it, but barely. Barely.
I've gotten really depressed and as a result, lazy. I can barely motivate myself to brush my hair everyday, much less anything else. (though I do on some days)
On another note I can't seem to keep my weight under control. I bought a new pair of pants because I was finally going back up to about 140 (a healthy weight for me), and next thing I know, I have a couple inches of clearance in the waistline!
I actually prayed (I don't care if you're religious or not, I just mention this because it happened) to be shown a way out, and last week while looking for a new job that Al might be interested in, I found something at the Macy's in the local mall. I could work 2 days a week only, with some flexible scheduling. I've even been emailed and asked to arrange my own interview (a bit odd to me, but I enjoy the concept).
I hesitate.
Why do I hesitate? I know it would be enough to pay for the YWCA monthly (yes, I've even looked into that), but I have no license and should it get to the point where I got to the YWCA, who's to say that someone would be willing to drive me to work? And suppose I don't get the job? I don't have good enough clothes to interview there, I keep thinking, let alone work there. Plus my GI issue that strikes at the worst possible time and has me running to the bathroom seemingly at random, which I would hate to have to mention in an interview. Yet something keeps telling me that this is the answer to my prayer.
I shouldn't be hesitating, I know. But I left a bad family situation for them, and they're all I have. I feel like it would be giving up and running YET AGAIN.
EDIT: I am also considering community college in the fall, and have already been accepted and am trying to handle FAFSA and such with them.
Okay, now you can break out the 2 x 4s.
It makes me feel better to get this out, actually...
How can I do this? Suppose things shape up here bill-wise, and I get the job, and I still want to leave?
My brain keeps adding more worries to this already big pile, so I'm just going to post more and if I have to, add to it later.
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