Ugh. Work or clean my house.

[Pimento]

Today I hate my wife. Had to call in for the night cause I destroyed my back.


Getting yelled at to do laundry and let dogs out .etc is not really what I need.

Honestly there's days where she's the greatest woman in the world. But we're having more days like today where she decides to pick a fight over everything.

When we moved into the house the agreement was shed get a job. She had one for 2 months. Hasn't had one since.

I'm beginning to consider taking off. I was in a band when she married me. Now she flips out when I'm gone 2-3 times a week at night to jam. Honestly. I hate the bitch today lol.

[Pixilated]

This sounds very not good ... have you two been able to sit down and talk about the situation? Any chance you'd both consider marriage counselling?

[Pimento]

I dunno. It's up and down. She has hormonal issues so that sucks sometimes. But it seems every time I get hurt she gets hurt. And her mom is the biggest hypochondriac ever.

So I dunno. I work my ass off between my regular job and other stuff I do to bring in cash. Prolly almost 80 hours a week. So when I'm hurt I'd just like to relax.

[Aethian]

Maybe I'm just seeing this wrong but it looks like there isn't a good bit of communication going on. Could she be stressed over something that she hasn't been telling you? Like has something in your lives been fully placed on her shoulders and it should be something that should be shared?

[Pimento]

No. We communicate. Some days she's just a different person. Or she'll do the housework for a week with a big smile then if I don't throw a parade shell list everything and argue with me about how I don't contribute

[Aethian]

When was the last time you took her out on a date? Even a cheap one...

[Pimento]

Well since we have two kids. Each of them from past relationships. I ask her out every weekend they're at the other parents place. She'd rather buy some booze and hang out at home. Hell. This past weekend I stayed up until 6am with her one day singing songs on YouTube. Not something I really ever do lol. But it was great

[Aethian]

Okay so dates are good.

What about finances, do you two work on them together so that you both have full vision of whats going on?

[Pimento]

Well for legal reasons I can't mention too much. But needless to say the wife makes odd bird of cash here and there. She expects me to dump money from work and business (my business requires me to keep a certain amount of money to cover expenses) and she always complains until I spend my buffer money.

Then she'll want new shoes or something and complains when I need the money she's brought in for the business. If that makes sense.

[Pimento]

Also in situations like the last few days. Something popped in my lower back. It hurts. I'm not the kind of guy to run to the er or complain about it really. Took a few days off of work. Trying to lay in bed.

I texted her I hurt my back. Suddenly she hurt her finger when she let the dogs out. I've been doing shit with the dogs (ones 60 lbs ones 80. Pitbull Shepard mastiff pups) so tugging while I put them on their leads outside sucks.

I've been grocery shopping which sucks. Add to that a lowered car. Sucks way worse.

The pain has doubled and traveled down to my legs. Gonna go jam tomm just to avoid the guilt trip for wanting to be in bed. At least drumming isn't as hard on me as she is lol.

[Aethian]

So not asking for amounts or anything major into that.

Then maybe it's time to sit down with her and make out a good budget. One that gives her some free money and gives you the same free money. On top of that you need to have a business budget and a clear area where you get a set amount out. Once you've got that amount thats it and the rest stays with the business.

It's not easy to do...it takes practice. Hell it's taken me almost 8 months to make a budget I don't have to play with too much every month and I'm a single person household. (6k more and I'm debt free.) But you might be surprised and find yourself giving the household a raise when everything is being accounted for.

Just take it a piece by piece till things get smoothed out.



To add to the hurt back, you should get it looked at. Specially if the pain is moving. As for her hurt finger...

My Mom took my three (now two) beasties out, two on their chains and the last on leash to hook to chain. The three pulled her just right and her hand and knee hurt. She didn't get it looked at for awhile and her thumb was sprained, her knee was broken.

[Pimento]

Her finger might be sprained. But between that and the million other things she was born with. Every day there's a new reason not to do something.

Now I have crohns. Led to varicose veins in my leg (before one got operated on there were several painful veins the size of big grapes) all down it. And an ulcer 3" in diameter that was open for 3 years. I know chronic pain and how much it sucks. But I hate people that milk it.

We have a budget. When we decided to rent to own this house from her fathers girlfriend. Part of the deal was that shed be working. Currently she's not. And just handed out resumes today when she caught me looking at places on kijiji. I love this place. It's huge. Huge yard. Rough neighborhood, but were far away from the hoodlums and I know most of them anyways.

It's located where she can walk to work/shop since she doesn't drive and has a detached room off of the basement perfect for a recording studio. But quite frankly I make too much money to keep sinking it into this house and having it go nowhere (deal was her dad would finish the renovations on the basement) but I'm putting my time and money into that.

[MoonCat]

Men.

Go get your back looked at. Your pain is making you cranky. I see what you're seeing about her, I'm not saying you don't have legit complaints. Maybe it's time for an honest heart-to-heart talk with her...in which you both get to talk, and you both listen...and get your issues out in the open.

But seriously, dude, there's nothing wrong with needing medical help. No one will think less of you. Back pain sucks. Crohns sucks, too. If you can get some help for the pain, other things won't be as irritating and you can deal with them.

[Pimento]

Well pain aside, and yes it does make me cranky...

I'm more pissed that she was gonna get her GED....she was gonna learn to drive....she was gonna get another job...but she hasn't done any of that and I still get bitched at to do housework. If I wasn't working I'd gladly play maid. But sometimes I leave home at 5am, get home at 5:30. Then I go out to make more money for us, get home at 11 then do it all over again.

Not to mention when I work day shift and need to be up at 5, there she is lamp on in bed ipading or whatever until midnight or until I get a bit snappy and shell sigh and turn it off. Or last night where my allergies made me snore so she woke me up at 2am.

It's inconsiderate and irritating that I'm over worked and she's only tired cause she piles dishes up for 2 days and stays up all night.

[protege]

It's not easy to do...it takes practice. Hell it's taken me almost 8 months to make a budget I don't have to play with too much every month and I'm a single person household. (6k more and I'm debt free.) But you might be surprised and find yourself giving the household a raise when everything is being accounted for.

Sounds like a plan. I too am a single person household. I don't spend anything on my hobbies, until all the other bills (mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc.) are taken care of first. Remember, I grew up in a household that struggled to make ends meet. Even though my parents both worked--mom was full-time; dad worked multiple part-time jobs--it still wasn't enough with 3 kids. We had a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, water, and heat during the winters. But that wasn't without problems--years of deferred maintenance on things took its toll. They simply didn't have the money to fix things. When things broke, they were patched up as cheaply as possible. It was only in the last decade...that my parents *finally* got out of that mess. After living through it once, I told myself that I was *not* going through it again.

With that said, I can understand how you feel. My mom would flip out over having to do the housework as well as her job. Sure, she worked full-time, but seriously? She was home at 5. Dad, on the other hand, wasn't. He'd come home from one job, eat something, then on to the next job. My mom would bust his balls because he was tired all the time and "refused" to help out around the house. Apparently, it was OK for him to work multiple jobs...but not OK for her to do the same. Pardon my French, but what the fuck?

Even though things have changed since then, there is still plenty of bitterness. Dad hasn't said anything, but I can tell that he's still upset about how he was treated years ago. Can't say I blame him for that. He was doing the best he could--trying to keep a roof over our heads, while trying to look for a better job. Problem was, the 1980s recession had killed off our industrial base, and the job marked sucked.