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Old 07-09-2006, 07:57 PM
MystyGlyttyr's Avatar
MystyGlyttyr MystyGlyttyr is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,039

(Officially, I don't condone violence. ...unofficially, however...)

1. If you don't watch your child and they throw themselves down the two flights of stairs that are right next to my desk, I am allowed to laugh.

2. Any comments about the dead plant on the obit girl's (MY) desk means I get to add you to my "dead stuff" collection. Protests that you aren't dead yet will be quickly rectified.

3. If you ask me a stupid question about nothing to do with obits, the newspaper, or the universe as science understands it, and I stare at you with a look of utter confusion on my face, and you start to get huffy, I can pick up my Route 44 size Dr Pepper and pour it on you. And then you will buy me a new one AND mop the carpet.

4. If I answer the phone "Newsroom" and the first words out of your mouth are "Is this the newsroom?" I am allowed to put a trace on your line and have your phone shut off for a week.

5. For my coworkers...if you leave food on my desk overnight, for whatever bizarre reason, and I come in the next morning and there are fireants all over my desk, I am allowed to make you lick them up.
"Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."