Let me first tell you this was one of the few jobs I ever worked with customers. It was in high school my sophomore. It has also been a few years so the order may not be right.
I will also dub this guy as PH, as in pothead.
This strange encounter was at the end stretch of my shift for that nigh, normally i love the nightshift because i am a night owl. This guy wanders in and waits in line. He stank of weed from 6 people away and even the customers were giving him strange stares, but he didn't seem to notice or really care. After taking the orders of the other 6 people in line, this guy wasn't stepping forward. He was looking up at the lights with a major grin on his face and I had to call him several times just to get a 'Huh?" out of him.
Me: Welcome to the golden arches. (i'm told this is what this restaurant is usually called.) May i take your order?
PH: uh... I'd like a pair of black blue jeans?
Now mind you i'm serving food to hungry people. This guy just asked me for a pair of pants. I had to fight off a smirk at his order.
Me: Sir, we don't serve pants here, we serve food.
PH: You mean this ain't target?
Me, trying really hard not to burst out laughing at this guy: No. I think your in the wrong place.
PH: Oh, in that case i'll have a large taco with everything on it.
Me: Sir, we don't have tacos here. Please use the menu behind me to order.
This guy stares at the menu above and behind me for like 3 minutes before he says,
PH: I'd like a pair of googly eye glasses, then.
Me, really trying to not laugh: We don't have those on the menu.
PH: oh... then i'll have a bottle of vodka.
Me: There is no vodka to sell here. This is a restaurant, not a liquor store.
PH: Oh... can i get a haircut then?
Ok, this guy was not getting it. i was really trying to not lose my temper and this is the second time I've worked the counter.
Me: Sir, please look at the menu behind me and order some food
PH: Can i give you some pot to give me some food?
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a dirty shoelace and offered it to me.
Me: Sir, 1, i can't take pot from a customer as payment. 2, thats a shoelace.
Ph quickly pulled the shoelace away and started stroking it.
PH: It's not a shoelace, it's my pet snake Lispy.
At this point i had to fight back a major case of giggles because this guy reaked of weed and was now claiming his shoelace was a pet snake.
Me: Please order from the menu.
PH: I'll have a chicken nugget.
Me: We have those in 5, 10, and 15 packs sir. which would you like?
PH: Whoa! You have 5 packs of those?!
Me: Yes sir, would you like that?
PH: Sure buddy!
So i finally ringing up his order after at least 13 minutes. I tell him the total and he reachs into his pocket again. He pulls out a dime and offers it to me.
PH: Keep the change.
Me, really starting to force back laughter: Sir, the total is 3.56. (i can't remember the total back then.)
PH: But all i has is a dime dude.
Me: Then i'm afraid i can't place your order.
Ph looked down at the floor and shuffled out. My manager walks over and said i had handled that very well. at this point i had only one thing to say.
Me: Am i on candid camera or something?!
My manager laughed his butt off as i was able to clock out, 30 minutes later than i usually did.
I swear to god i am never working late shift in that kind of place ever again...