Just some jokes that are short, sharp and to the point.
I was standing outside the off licence earlier when I stopped some bloke who was going in.
I said, "Excuse me mate, can you buy me some alcohol please?"
He looked at me and said, "You must be old enough, surely?"
"Yeah I am," I replied, "I just don't have any money."
R2D2 was the most vulgar character in Star Wars.
They bleeped out every word he said.
How do you stop a man breaking into your house?
Replace the locks with bra fasteners.
Why did the monkey fall out the tree? Because it was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out the tree?? Peer pressure.
If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance.
In 1930 it was said that only 24% of men kissed their wife goobye, when they leave the house.
Now in 2012, a survey has said a majority of 88% of men kiss their house goodbye, when they leave their wife.
At a wedding party recently someone yelled, "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was crushed to death.