Good at computers != Being God

[ahanix1989]

I can:

• Build computers
• Change Windows features
• Some other little fun things

Despite what people think, I cannot

• Hack
• Change school attendance
• Fix a broken LCD monitor
• Build a laptop (wtf)
• Get their 7-year-old Gateway to be Vista-compatible (Lack AGP / DDR)
• Install some leet hax on their XBOX
• Crack safes
• Get free stuff (Vista for free as a beta tester. That's all)
• Find an illegal copy of some obscure movie for someone's mom
• Build a computer with my eyes closed
• Fix their blown power supply
• Upgrade their CD burner to DVD burning via firmware

I can't believe what people expect me to do. The LCD one, someone was asking me at church. I'm trying to get him to shut the hell up.... No, I can't fix a damn LCD with a broken backlight or a fried RGB board.

[NightAngel]

Here's what I live:

Married to a Tech=I am, by default, a Tech as well.

I've picked up some tricks, sure, but does watching Kung Fu movies make you a black belt?

[ArenaBoy]

Quoth NightAngel

Does watching Kung Fu movies make you a black belt?

Speaking as a practicioner, no. But it will make you look amazing in terms of visual aesthetics. Hilariously, I got asked constantly by idiots if I could do those things that were done in movies. Bear in mind that you have to break the laws of psychics in order to do those things.

I feel both your pains though, my dad's the neighborhood computer whiz and when he's out of town I get asked to do computer things for them but there's just one slight problem: I'M A MAC USER!!!!!!

[Der Cute]

Quoth ArenaBoy

Bear in mind that you have to break the laws of psychics in order to do those things.

Oh, so you have to break the metaphysical plane and transendance?

Or the law of PHYSICS......IE gravity?
Such a _mass_ mistake :P

Cute Pun Noob

[PuckishOne]

There's sort of a double-edge to this particular sword, though...Mr Puck is a professional Geek (software) and dabbles on the hardware side of geekdom as well. What I find is that one of two polar opposites is assumed about me:

(1) I am a complete techno-tard who is lucky she doesn't electrocute herself on the hairdryer.

or

(2) I am the Queen of All Geeks, ruling at hubby's side, whipping motherboards into shape with my magical scepter.

Seriously...is the Happy Medium too much to ask for (don't answer that!! )?

[lordlundar]

Quoth PuckishOne

(don't answer that!! )?

Spoilsport.

[cpux]

I am Linux Man. I know plenty about Linux systems, and relatively little about Windows.

Thing is, very few people without a degree in Computer Science use Linux. Sure, when it comes to Windows, I can fix problems that could've been fixed anyway if the user would just RTFM, but it doesn't change the fact that my field of specialty is computer networking, and my area of expertise is in Unix/Linux systems.

[ahanix1989]

I always get the annoying questions like “What antivirus do you use?” or “I have a virus, what should I do?”.
I don’t use an antivirus. I don’t know how to remove a virus. It’s that simple.

Reinstall Windows on someone’s computer, and I try to leave. Nope, I can’t, because
a) They need me to set up their email, despite them not knowing the provider, the account information, or password.
b) They are scared to let their kids go online without an antivirus installed
c) “It doesn’t look like it used to”
d) They need me to hold their hand through installing each and every little program they ever had. This isn’t a Linux bash prompt, Windows has nice easy little installers. You figured out AIM once, you can do it again.
e) The bane of my existence: Outlook Express. No, I didn’t back up their emails, I told them that was THEY’RE problem. No, I didn’t back up their account information, I told them to take care of it. What’s their password? I don’t know, they don’t know.
f) They never told me they had a printer, I never installed the printer, they don’t have the driver cd. For that matter,

Here’s some hints for those who need my help
g) KEEP THE G-----MN CDS THAT COME WITH YOUR F---ING COMPUTER. I’m sick of searching for obscure little drivers because people seem to misplace their CDs. YOU HAVE A COMPUTER DESK WITH DRAWERS, PUT THE RECIEPT, MANUAL, AND CDS IN THAT DRAWER. I’ve started charging an extra $30 for missing CDs. I can’t guess whether their system came with the AC’97 or the C-Media audio chipset, both were available on that model, and because it’s an HP, it’s impossible to look around on the inside.
h) Do not physically vacuum the computer while I’m trying to work on it with your ghetto Electro-Lux stainless steel vacuum. I’m looking at YOU, Mike.
i) Don’t repeatedly call me on Mother’s Day, asking me to help you “partition this drive………”
j) If I answer the phone, just to see who is calling, and mention I’m at work or driving or otherwise busy… don’t explain the entire situation to me. I don’t care, I’m busy. Go partition your ass.
k) If you call three times a day, and I never answer… don’t keep calling. I’m ignoring you because you are an idiot.
l) Don’t explain what you’re trying to do while I’m backing up files
m) Don’t request some stupid idea (“I want to like… get a second hard drive, install Windows 98 on that, then run it when I need to)
n) Diagnosing computer problems over AIM is like diagnosing brain cancer with a pointy stick.
o) Give me your password before giving me your computer.
p) Leave your phone on while I have your computer. If it’s sitting in my bedroom, prompting for a password, and you are nowhere near your phone… I’m not going to bother with your computer.
q) I’m in high school. You’re in high school. I am a guy. You are a hot girl. I’m single. If you say “I don’t know, there’s some pictures on there I don’t really want other people to see”, and proceed to leave the computer with me… you know damn well I’m gonna look for those pictures. I know it, you know it. No fighting it. You had a chance to delete them.
r) Lose your product key? Too damn bad, you need to buy a new copy of Windows now. I used to just let them use my product key, to get them to shut up, but every time their PC broke, rather than ask me to fix it, they took it to Milwaukee PC, who proceeds to delete their files and charge them for a new copy. Seven people so far, rather than ask me for help, go to Milwaukee PC which charges MUCH more than they should.
s) I don’t know your internet connection details, I only know mine. If you have dialup; save your access numbers, account, and password.
t) YouTube taking twenty minutes to download a video isn’t because of your P3-500MHz system, it’s because you’re on AOL.
u) Your AIM contact list will not be deleted when I reinstall Windows, are you stupid? If you go to a friend’s PC, your contact list is still there, so why would your PC be the cause
v) No, those Mac vs. PC commercials aren’t accurate, they’re biased as hell. Yes, many computers need a memory upgrade to run Vista properly, as many Macs require a memory upgrade to run OSX properly. More likely for the PC because… A PC from when XP first came out is 6 years old, while a Mac when OSX first came out is considerably newer. A lot has changed since 2001.
w) Yes, you can disable those annoying UAC prompts. Most people get a bad impression from them because they keep seeing them during the first hour, because: omg.they’re installing all their programs. Once your programs are installed and you’re just doing normal stuff, UAC won’t bother you.
x) Yes, I can build computers. Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s known that for years.
y) Dear God, no I don’t work at Fazoli’s anymore, Jesus. I quit 5 months ago, why the hell do you still think I work there?
z) Do not preach to me about how San Andreas is evil and racist (First one with a black character, first one you can rob houses). I love that game, keep your religious mouth shut while I, an atheist, try to fix your PC. Religion and tech support don’t mix.

See why I hate fixing computers for people?

[technical.angel]

Quoth ahanix1989

e) The bane of my existence: Outlook Express. No, I didn’t back up their emails, I told them that was THEY’RE problem. No, I didn’t back up their account information, I told them to take care of it. What’s their password? I don’t know, they don’t know.

I think OE is the bane of everyone who does tech support.

I was working on my now ex-MIL-TB's computer, and noticed she had a HUGE number of emails in her deleted items box. I figured this could be a part of the problem and deleted them. Turns out, she was using it AS STORAGE!!!!

Quoth ahanix1989

f) They never told me they had a printer, I never installed the printer, they don’t have the driver cd. For that matter,

Piff. I never even bother with the CDs anymore. Although it's fun to watch them dig for them.

Quoth ahanix1989

g) KEEP THE G-----MN CDS THAT COME WITH YOUR F---ING COMPUTER. I’m sick of searching for obscure little drivers because people seem to misplace their CDs.

It seems most aren't being shipped with them anymore. HP charges you extra to get the drivers CD.

Quoth ahanix1989

o) Give me your password before giving me your computer.

I have this problem, and I have them fill out a form before giving me their computer!

[HawaiianShirts]

Good at computers != Being God

Just the same as knowing how to sell computers does not equate to the ability to diagnose and fix any and all technology-related problems over the phone. I understand how computers work. I can tell you what they're supposed to do and what hardware and software would be required to make them do that. If your computer/printer/monitor/camera/toaster isn't working properly, I'm definitely not the person to talk to.

First words from the customer's mouth on a phone call a week or so ago: "I'm trying to use X-Box Live. Do you know what's wrong?" Yes. I'm magic. Poof. It works now.