Shoe dropping already (New job woes)

[AirHostess]

That MoodGym website seems quite good, I have signed up.

Horsetuna, I hope things go ok for you

Let us know how it goes.

[Ree]

The problem is obviously not with the jobs. It's with you and you need to seek counselling or something if being the wrong character in a game is affecting your ability to earn a living.

I'm sorry if I don't sound sympathetic, or seem to make light of your obvious emotional issues, but I am a realist and learned at a very early age that I am responsible for what happens to me.
I can either let these things rule me or I can rule them.

I, myself, deal with so much emotional and mental crap every day and have been for over 40 years, yet I manage to put one foot in front of the other and head out the door to do my job because I know I need to pay the bills, and I also know that having and quitting 4 or 5 jobs in a year looks really bad on a resume.

There comes a time when a person has to stop blaming and start accepting responsibility for their own actions.
You can sit in the mud puddle and cry about the rain or you can grab an umbrella, get up off the ground and decide you want to move to higher ground and stay dry.

The shoe has not dropped with this job.
There is no problem with this job.

You ask why this is happening to you?

It's time to look within.

[Boozy]

Although no one other than a psychiatrist can diagnose someone with an anxiety disorder, the symptoms that the OP describes could be part of a panic disorder. Only the OP and her doctors can figure that out. But I feel compelled to add a few thoughts on the subject:

Anxiety disorders have numerous causes, one of which is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Mental illness is very misunderstood. Telling someone suffering from depression or anxiety to "suck it up" is uneducated, unhelpful, and can at times be dangerous. It makes people believe that it is their own fault when they are unable to shrug things off as easily as the people around them. This can be detrimental to those seeking help, because they are embarrassed by their own perceived weakness.

Panic attacks are debilitating, regardless of the trigger. For some, a friendly game can do it, and for others its a teaspoon in the sink. My sister has numerous triggers, each more "ridiculous" than the last. Something life-altering such as starting a new job would cause the frequency of her panic attacks to triple overnight.

Thankfully, my family and I smartened up. We stopped telling her to get a life and get over it, and got her some help. She's doing very well today, and frankly, is now handling stress better than anyone I know. It was never a personality flaw. It was just an illness to be treated.

[Lyse]

Telling someone suffering from depression or anxiety to "suck it up" is uneducated, unhelpful, and can at times be dangerous.

Boozy, thank you. I several years "sucking it up" and spiralling further inward. I got up for work each day, and wasn't physically hurting myself or spending my entire day on the bed sobbing. So I couldn't have any type of depression or other problems, right? If I was having troubles, well, that just went to show me how utterly weak and useless I was, right?

It took family members and close friends to convince me to finally see a doctor and not to worry about "I should be able to handle it myself" or "But, what will people think?" Thanks to them I am much happier and content with myself now than I was even two years ago.

It doesn't magically go away with a pill. Medication may help, sure - but it is not the end all. Talking to your doctor, and getting full information helps. So does letting your family and friends know, so they can help, too. Recognizing problems is a major step to resolving them.

So, yes - depression and panic disorder should not be an excuse to completely lock yourself away and say "Well, I just can't do that". But neither should they be completely ignored or flagrantly dismissed as a weakness that can be overcome if you just tried.

-----------------------
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen, bitch... do it and die."

[Ree]

Telling someone suffering from depression or anxiety to "suck it up" is uneducated, unhelpful, and can at times be dangerous.

Actually, I don't believe anyone was telling Horsetuna to "suck it up".

I think my implication was to get some help.

If a person is that debilitated by simple things, that it becomes impossible to hold down a job and make a decent living, then it's time to get some help.

I used a metaphor of an umbrella, and its meaning, I felt, was an urging to use the tools available.
The OP lives in a country with socialized health care, so she has access to programs.
Calgary has many programs and financial support available. http://www.cmha.calgary.ab.ca/programs/default.aspx
http://www.cmha.calgary.ab.ca/gethel...resources.aspx

Lest anyone thinks I am being harsh and judgemental of Horsetuna, I would like to say that I, myself, was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I had no idea what was wrong. I just knew things were not right.
I went to a doctor. I saw a therapist.
I worked through it.

I was put on medication briefly, but I had weird side effects, so I tapered off under the direction of my doctor.

I have spent a great deal of my life working through numerous issues. I won't start listing them. I'd be here all evening.
As I said, though, I am a realist.
I decided long ago that I was a strong person who had the power over my own life.

There shouldn't be a stigma with mental illness. There is no shame in it.
I think it takes much more strength to own up to a problem and deal with it than it does to simply carry the weight of the world by one's self, and then use it as an excuse when life turns to crap.

I still stand by what I said.
The OP was written in a manner that was implying there was a problem with the job already, when the problem is clearly not with the job.

As a manager, I can darn well tell you that, yes, if a new person misses work in the very first week of a new part time job, then I am not going to overly impressed.

There was also the mention of a cold sore and how it caused problems on a day where she was already in a foul mood after calling in because of the panic attack. Yeah, cold sores suck. I hate them, but if I have a new employee who is only in her first week, and is already allowing something like that to get in the way of job performance, I am not going to be happy.

I do think the demerit points for missed punches on a time card is silly, and there should be some leeway for new people, especially if they are not used to using a punch clock.

[upsidedown_orchid]

I'm glad you live in Calgary. Like Ree was saying, there are lots of programs available for you.
One I want to point out is
http://www.distresscentre.com

The distress centre is a 24 hour crisis phone line with trained volunteers who can talk to about the options you have, refer you to help and just be an ear when you need one. I was a volunteer supervisor there for years, and I spoke with lots of people who suffer from panic attacks.

The other good thing about being in Calgary right now is that if you are not able to continue at the home improvement place, there are other things out there.
You can get a fresh start if you need one. I'm not saying it would be easy by any means, but at least everywhere is hiring right now.

[Seshat]

Okay. The OP has access to affordable health care - so use it!


If your anxieties are caused by an anatomical or physiological problem, then you absolutely, positively, totally CANNOT prevent the anxiety attacks by application of will or by any mind tricks. Just like a person with a broken leg can't walk on the leg because the bone won't hold them up.

If they're caused by some deep trauma to your psyche, again, it's like a broken leg. It needs treatment, preferably professional.

However, your reaction to the attacks CAN be managed with the assistance of tricks such as those taught in the Mood Gym I pointed out earlier (and PrincessKatie: I'm glad you think it'll be helpful! I hope it does help).

It's also possible that your anxiety attacks are caused by something in your personality that can be modified by tricks like those taught in the Mood Gym. In which case, it'll potentially cure them! Yay!


But since you have access to affordable health care: see a doctor. If you choose to use the Mood Gym (or some other online therapy-program produced by someone equally reputable), make sure your doctor knows. If you have some deep trauma in your past, let your doctor know that as well.

Get a professional psychiatric assessment (or two, for double-checking) of whether you've got a brain-chemistry-or-anatomy problem or a psyche-problem, and what can be done to correct it (if possible) or manage your reaction to it (if correction isn't possible).

If you have a brain-chemistry problem, and there's something in the pharmacopia to correct that brain-chemistry problem, you'll probably be on pills for the rest of your life. Don't let that bother you - it's much the same as a diabetic needing insulin. And like a diabetic, you'll occasionally have the mental equivalent of hypo or hyperglycaemia attacks; and you'll need to know how to handle them.

If you have a problem that will need management alone or therapy alone, speak with your psychiatrist about which form of therapy/management is going to be best for you, and which delivery method. The Mood Gym, much as I love it, is only one form of therapy and one delivery method of many.

[Horsetuna]

Sorry, to some people its not 'just a game'. I wish it was. If it was as easy as telling myself its 'just a game', then I wouldnt be where I am. I was very inverse as a child - I went to school, read books on recess/lunch, came home, read books. When I discovered internet, it was the same, only online when I Wasnt' at school or home. When I moved out, for a year and a half I went to work, came home, and gamed online. So yeah, its become deper than 'just a game', and I know its a problem... I acknowledge I have a problem. Now, I just need to find the help I need to beat it.

But I do appreciate all the support. I didnt get home till 12 tonight (I went out to a BBQ so I could get out and socialize some. I felt much better!), but tomorrow after work I will begin placing calls and such (probaly on my lunch too ) to places to seek help, one way or another. Right now I dont have a family doctor - just the walk in clinic, but I will try to see the nice doctor I saw last time. He gave me some ideas to get out of the house more.

I /will/ do this, because I dislike going through this, and how it make sme feel. I've lost friends in the path due to my fits and they will not even accept my apologies. I do not want to lose more, or lose my job.

[Boozy]

I made the mistake of not being specific in regards to what/whom I was responding in my earlier post. I was referring in part to the following quote:

My own friend who works there threatened to tell them why I missed work on Saturday (over a 'silly game').

...and also just providing general information and some support for Lyse, who obviously knows a lot on the subject herself.
"Suck it up" was used as a blanket term for all those supposedly helpful bits of advice anxiety sufferers get from friends and family.
My post ended up on the heels of Ree's post in the thread, so it naturally appeared to be in direct response. To be honest, I only skimmed through the rest of the replies after the post containing the previous quote, so eager was I to respond.
So my apologies, Ree. Having gone back and read your response, I think you made some very good points, and offered some very good advice.

- Boozy (or, She Who Will Learn To Use The "Quote" Feature)

[Seshat]

tomorrow after work I will begin placing calls and such (probaly on my lunch too ) to places to seek help, one way or another.

Good.

Be forgiving of yourself in your quest for treatment. Whenever you have a day where you forget to make a call, or can't face making a call, just take a deep breath, refuse to beat yourself up over it, and say 'next time'.

Let 'if only' fade from your mental vocabulary. 'next time' is much, much more useful.

[Horsetuna]

Course, now I can't remember where I wrote the phone numbers down! x.x I'll look them up asap.

[Reyneth]

My own friend who works there threatened to tell them why I missed work on Saturday (over a 'silly game').

1) You didn't miss work over a "silly game," you missed work because of something out of your control. I've had panic attacks before so I know that it is nearly impossible to do anything while in the grip of one - other than freak out your friends, who then take you to the hospital (I was in college). It wasn't about the game, it was about your body's response to something that stressed/upset you.

and

2) I wouldn't consider someone like that to be a friend, personally.

[Buglady]

Horsetuna, I'm in Calgary and work in a support agency (we deal with learnign disabilities but there's a LOT of overlap into anxiety and depression). PM me if I can help get you connected with some resources - and hang in there.

Oh, and if by chance things don't work out at the hardware store - we need a receptionist

[Ree]

Course, now I can't remember where I wrote the phone numbers down! x.x I'll look them up asap.

Actually, one of my links had a whole page of phone numbers.
PM Buglady.
Sounds like she can really help you get connected to the right places for help.

[Horsetuna]

WEll, I'm back... I didnt get a talking to, so either she forgot, or they decided not to bother with it.

On the other hand, somethign happened on the game that... well, I dunno. the guy told me stuff I already knew, but HOW he said it. It was like a switch went off, you know? I felt like I could take on anything!

It faded a little but I worked hard to keep it all day.