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One of the things I have been meaning to do before school starts is go through the things in my room and reorganize. In November of last year, I moved out of my one bedroom apartment into a four bedroom house where I rent a room and have two roommates. It's the best situation for my school situation since I want to be in school full time and work part time.
Anywho...I only kept a minimal amount of things. Books, paper work, school work...and of course, clothing. I need to go through these things I have moved to see what I really need to keep.
There are two boxes of stuff I've had for a long time containing things such as photos and memorabilia from nearly all of my life. I have lost a lot of this stuff over the years...but these two boxes have held on and have sat, unorganized and untouched in my closests for nearly 4 years or so. The only thing I've done is add to them but never looked through them.
I started this process yesterday. Now, I have come across a few cool things that I have kept. I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio where I lived most of my life. I have copies of the newspapers that announced the opening of the rock n roll hall of fame and museum. I also have copies of the newspaper announcing the death of Jerry Garcia. I have the Dallas Morning News copies after 9/11. I could probably toss those. Maybe. I have post cards from a number of places I've been or where family have been. I kept numerous letters from friends over the years. Old letters from boyfriends I had in high school. The letters I'm tossing because they are some of the things that make me kind of sad and I really don't know why I kept them in the first place.
The things that have upset me the most. The why-the-fuck-did-i-keep-this-shit stuff - a copy of the letter to my ex-husband about my meeting with my lawyer in the divorce proceedings. Not that I am bitter about the whole break up - but my divorce marks a sharp turn in my life that ended with me near death and living out days not worth living. Not his fault - but it was just a solemn reminder. Then the really sad letters - two from my roommate. The first roommate I ever had who wasn't a boyfriend or a family member. She and I got a place a month or so after I left my husband. Things went really well for quite sometime, but took a turn for the worse when I met the wrong people and started abusing the bad substances. Her first letter was a couple of handwritten pages about her concern for my well being and the road I was headed down. The second letter was type written and was informing me that I needed to move out because she could no longer stand my lifestyle and the people I was bringing around to our apartment.
I came across a journal I had kept - or tried to keep - while I was still using. I was really fucked up. I wrote some really sick shit. I'm debating keeping that or not. The letters are a no-brainer, they're gone. Came across several pictures of me on the down slide. Laying the pics out - you can see the decline. Then, I came across pictures when I was 90 days clean. I was really happy seeing those after seeing the strung out photos. I look so happy in them! So clean, so bright and shining!
I have two articles of clothing that I have to return to their owner. Some of my friends say I should just give the stuff away and walk away from it - others say the choice is up to me. I have a sports jersey from the Dallas Stars hockey team and a Dallas Stars suede winter coat. Nice stuff - expensive stuff. The belonged to my friend, Doug, who died of a heroin overdose in 2004. I was living with my friend - the mother of his son, when this happened. We were both in our sickness at the time. He called us the night of his death, hours before he died and neither one of us answered our phones. The next morning, we found out he had passed away ...he was 29. My friend gave these items to me under the condition that I return them when their son was old enough to want them. Shortly after she gave them to me, I went to treatment. Through a series of events, our friendship was severed beyond repair (which is fine - getting clean requires a MAJOR change in people, places, and playgrounds - or it just won't work) however, I've carried this stuff from Dallas to Omaha and to the many places I've moved. I want it gone. I no longer want this tie to my past. I don't feel right getting rid of it without at least contacting her and seeing what she would like me to do with it. Some of my friends say that is bad - but it's already been done. I haven't heard from her yet - but I am waiting. We shall see.
I know that when I do this cleaning, I will be better in the end. I feel as if I am finally closing several chapters in my life that were all left open in two boxes that I have been carting around for too long now.
So, today, I am a sad panda - but this too shall pass.
Thanks for letting me share.
Anywho...I only kept a minimal amount of things. Books, paper work, school work...and of course, clothing. I need to go through these things I have moved to see what I really need to keep.
There are two boxes of stuff I've had for a long time containing things such as photos and memorabilia from nearly all of my life. I have lost a lot of this stuff over the years...but these two boxes have held on and have sat, unorganized and untouched in my closests for nearly 4 years or so. The only thing I've done is add to them but never looked through them.
I started this process yesterday. Now, I have come across a few cool things that I have kept. I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio where I lived most of my life. I have copies of the newspapers that announced the opening of the rock n roll hall of fame and museum. I also have copies of the newspaper announcing the death of Jerry Garcia. I have the Dallas Morning News copies after 9/11. I could probably toss those. Maybe. I have post cards from a number of places I've been or where family have been. I kept numerous letters from friends over the years. Old letters from boyfriends I had in high school. The letters I'm tossing because they are some of the things that make me kind of sad and I really don't know why I kept them in the first place.
The things that have upset me the most. The why-the-fuck-did-i-keep-this-shit stuff - a copy of the letter to my ex-husband about my meeting with my lawyer in the divorce proceedings. Not that I am bitter about the whole break up - but my divorce marks a sharp turn in my life that ended with me near death and living out days not worth living. Not his fault - but it was just a solemn reminder. Then the really sad letters - two from my roommate. The first roommate I ever had who wasn't a boyfriend or a family member. She and I got a place a month or so after I left my husband. Things went really well for quite sometime, but took a turn for the worse when I met the wrong people and started abusing the bad substances. Her first letter was a couple of handwritten pages about her concern for my well being and the road I was headed down. The second letter was type written and was informing me that I needed to move out because she could no longer stand my lifestyle and the people I was bringing around to our apartment.
I came across a journal I had kept - or tried to keep - while I was still using. I was really fucked up. I wrote some really sick shit. I'm debating keeping that or not. The letters are a no-brainer, they're gone. Came across several pictures of me on the down slide. Laying the pics out - you can see the decline. Then, I came across pictures when I was 90 days clean. I was really happy seeing those after seeing the strung out photos. I look so happy in them! So clean, so bright and shining!
I have two articles of clothing that I have to return to their owner. Some of my friends say I should just give the stuff away and walk away from it - others say the choice is up to me. I have a sports jersey from the Dallas Stars hockey team and a Dallas Stars suede winter coat. Nice stuff - expensive stuff. The belonged to my friend, Doug, who died of a heroin overdose in 2004. I was living with my friend - the mother of his son, when this happened. We were both in our sickness at the time. He called us the night of his death, hours before he died and neither one of us answered our phones. The next morning, we found out he had passed away ...he was 29. My friend gave these items to me under the condition that I return them when their son was old enough to want them. Shortly after she gave them to me, I went to treatment. Through a series of events, our friendship was severed beyond repair (which is fine - getting clean requires a MAJOR change in people, places, and playgrounds - or it just won't work) however, I've carried this stuff from Dallas to Omaha and to the many places I've moved. I want it gone. I no longer want this tie to my past. I don't feel right getting rid of it without at least contacting her and seeing what she would like me to do with it. Some of my friends say that is bad - but it's already been done. I haven't heard from her yet - but I am waiting. We shall see.
I know that when I do this cleaning, I will be better in the end. I feel as if I am finally closing several chapters in my life that were all left open in two boxes that I have been carting around for too long now.
So, today, I am a sad panda - but this too shall pass.
Thanks for letting me share.
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