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Dear Ms. Copterparent,
We cannot change the requirements of the job for your daughter's anxieties. But we will be happy to add her to our janitorial team, which only works at night and isn't required to tolerate anyone except the night mismanager and the other janitors. Sorry, though, no phones allowed.
Signed, Mr. Sy Lence, manager.
Dear Magic Movies Channel,
I was so angry with my former girlfriend the other day that I decided to watch one of your channels, Pay-Per-Voodoo. See, my girlfriend was with another man after she broke up with me for some excuse. Something about hitting her or some nonsense like that. Anyway, I wanted to ruin her and her new boytoy's lives. And so I watched the Pay-Per-Voodoo channel. I haven't paid yet, nor am I going to, because the voodoo I learned worked pretty well. On me! Me! It was supposed to work on the two of them.
Now, yes, there was some warning in the middle of the movie where the shamaness explains to the villain that if he uses the voodoo on someone who has done nothing wrong, the spell may reflect back at him. He didn't listen and makes her finish teaching him the spells.
And then at the end, when he has the hero helpless and is about to kill him, the villain decides to torture the hero first with the voodoo he learned. Only to have it turn back on him and let the hero defeat him! Well, it's only a movie.
Problem is, when I tried to break my girlfriend and her boytoy's hearts, and arms, and legs, and necks, and more, nothing happened to them. But everything I tried to do to them happened to me! How does this happen?
I demand to be compensated, including your company paying all my medical bills. If you don't, I'll just use the voodoo the movie taught me on your C. E. O., and see how she likes that! Then, when I make your staff my slaves, you'll do whatever I want. That'll be fun . . .
Signed,
Mr. I. D. Served-It.
We cannot change the requirements of the job for your daughter's anxieties. But we will be happy to add her to our janitorial team, which only works at night and isn't required to tolerate anyone except the night mismanager and the other janitors. Sorry, though, no phones allowed.
Signed, Mr. Sy Lence, manager.
Dear Magic Movies Channel,
I was so angry with my former girlfriend the other day that I decided to watch one of your channels, Pay-Per-Voodoo. See, my girlfriend was with another man after she broke up with me for some excuse. Something about hitting her or some nonsense like that. Anyway, I wanted to ruin her and her new boytoy's lives. And so I watched the Pay-Per-Voodoo channel. I haven't paid yet, nor am I going to, because the voodoo I learned worked pretty well. On me! Me! It was supposed to work on the two of them.
Now, yes, there was some warning in the middle of the movie where the shamaness explains to the villain that if he uses the voodoo on someone who has done nothing wrong, the spell may reflect back at him. He didn't listen and makes her finish teaching him the spells.
And then at the end, when he has the hero helpless and is about to kill him, the villain decides to torture the hero first with the voodoo he learned. Only to have it turn back on him and let the hero defeat him! Well, it's only a movie.
Problem is, when I tried to break my girlfriend and her boytoy's hearts, and arms, and legs, and necks, and more, nothing happened to them. But everything I tried to do to them happened to me! How does this happen?
I demand to be compensated, including your company paying all my medical bills. If you don't, I'll just use the voodoo the movie taught me on your C. E. O., and see how she likes that! Then, when I make your staff my slaves, you'll do whatever I want. That'll be fun . . .
Signed,
Mr. I. D. Served-It.
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