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Hello, I'm Gravekeeper! You may remember me from such threads as "Wait, how many hats?" and "My god how did you manage to dial and breath at the same time". But today I'm here to talk to about something else: Myself.
You've likely noticed my long term absence this year. With sightings of my presence being akin to a rare, white elk. You may even have vaguely recalled something about me hurting my back. Well, there's much more to it than that and its pretty much just been one long, arduous journey of misery. I don't tend to talk about myself too much on here, so this will be one big confession of sorts. If only because it will help me somewhat to write it all out.
As you may recall, I was injured way way back in Dec/Jan in what seemed to be just more back problems. I was pretty much bed ridden for two weeks and slept, well, never for the most part due to the pain and discomfort. As it turned out I had severe repeatitive stress injuries to my back and hips from work. To the point where even standing for long periods was painful and walking was pretty horrific. I also developed a severe anxiety order as a result.
It took 4 months of intensive physiotherapy to get me on a relatively even keel again. Though even after that I still only got around 3ish hours of standing/being on my feet before the pain in my hips would drive me to sit. I was told it would likely take anywhere of 4-8 months more of exercise to correct that ( GTPS is a bitch ).
Over those 4 months they were also treating the anxiety disorder, fairly successfully. Although it took a looong time to get out of that dark tunnel. My GAD manifests itself very very physically instead of as a mental panic. My muscles tense up, I get spasms, anything in my stomach is coming right back out again, etc etc. So any given episode of it would come with 2-3 days of fall out due to muscle pain and exhaustion and what not.
Then I returned to work in a limited capacity. This proved to be one of the greatest mistakes of my life it turns out. My anxiety disorder is tied entirely to my job on a subconscious level. So the effect on my health as immediate. I tried to work limited shifts, without much luck. I began working only a scant few hours a day. Still to no avail. I could do less and less of my physiotherapy until the muscle tension prevented it entirely. I was sick to my stomach pretty much all the time. They sent me to an occupational therapist, to little avail.
So after 2 months of being back at work I had all but ground to a halt physically and mentally. With the final blow coming last weekend when I went in to see my doc again to discuss medication. During that appointment they gave me a physical once over and realized I had lost well over 20 pounds in about 6 weeks. When I left work in Jan/Feb, I was 190. When I returned to work, I was 185. After being back at work for just under 2 months, I was 162. For reference, I am about 6'2. So this means I am nothing but sticks and ribs.
At that point I was informed in no uncertain terms that I could not return to my job and chances are I should never work in this industry again. My 10 years in the industry entertaining some of the most delightful clientele to walk the Earth literally broke me. I cannot do that job anymore. Not unless I want it to slowly kill me.
So I cannot return to work and will likely have to resign shortly. Even now that I'm technically free of it, the GAD has had me shut down completely all this week. They prescribed me anti-depressants, but they take weeks to kick in. So I have little option at the moment but t just suffer and ride it out for a while. It doesn't listen to reason of course. No matter how much I tell it everything is perfectly fine, it insists on finding something to obsess over.
This is not exactly how I envisioned my curtain call upon leaving this industry or the end to my various tales on here. I had hoped for a grand finale, not a slow petering death over the course of 7 months. I have enough material left for one more post, and will likely write it up once I feel half way funny again. But, for now, this is the official end of my livery on here.
I will continue to hang out of course. But being medically forbidden from returning to the industry really puts a crimper on my source material. So, I hope at least that I gave everyone a few chuckles of the years and thank you for your readership. Being free from the industry also means I am free from my NDA security agreements. So hopefully I can bring my wits elsewhere to my own website or similar endeavour. But that will be a while down the road after I regain some semblance of my former self.
So, goodnight and good luck. GK out. For real this time.
You've likely noticed my long term absence this year. With sightings of my presence being akin to a rare, white elk. You may even have vaguely recalled something about me hurting my back. Well, there's much more to it than that and its pretty much just been one long, arduous journey of misery. I don't tend to talk about myself too much on here, so this will be one big confession of sorts. If only because it will help me somewhat to write it all out.
As you may recall, I was injured way way back in Dec/Jan in what seemed to be just more back problems. I was pretty much bed ridden for two weeks and slept, well, never for the most part due to the pain and discomfort. As it turned out I had severe repeatitive stress injuries to my back and hips from work. To the point where even standing for long periods was painful and walking was pretty horrific. I also developed a severe anxiety order as a result.
It took 4 months of intensive physiotherapy to get me on a relatively even keel again. Though even after that I still only got around 3ish hours of standing/being on my feet before the pain in my hips would drive me to sit. I was told it would likely take anywhere of 4-8 months more of exercise to correct that ( GTPS is a bitch ).
Over those 4 months they were also treating the anxiety disorder, fairly successfully. Although it took a looong time to get out of that dark tunnel. My GAD manifests itself very very physically instead of as a mental panic. My muscles tense up, I get spasms, anything in my stomach is coming right back out again, etc etc. So any given episode of it would come with 2-3 days of fall out due to muscle pain and exhaustion and what not.
Then I returned to work in a limited capacity. This proved to be one of the greatest mistakes of my life it turns out. My anxiety disorder is tied entirely to my job on a subconscious level. So the effect on my health as immediate. I tried to work limited shifts, without much luck. I began working only a scant few hours a day. Still to no avail. I could do less and less of my physiotherapy until the muscle tension prevented it entirely. I was sick to my stomach pretty much all the time. They sent me to an occupational therapist, to little avail.
So after 2 months of being back at work I had all but ground to a halt physically and mentally. With the final blow coming last weekend when I went in to see my doc again to discuss medication. During that appointment they gave me a physical once over and realized I had lost well over 20 pounds in about 6 weeks. When I left work in Jan/Feb, I was 190. When I returned to work, I was 185. After being back at work for just under 2 months, I was 162. For reference, I am about 6'2. So this means I am nothing but sticks and ribs.
At that point I was informed in no uncertain terms that I could not return to my job and chances are I should never work in this industry again. My 10 years in the industry entertaining some of the most delightful clientele to walk the Earth literally broke me. I cannot do that job anymore. Not unless I want it to slowly kill me.
So I cannot return to work and will likely have to resign shortly. Even now that I'm technically free of it, the GAD has had me shut down completely all this week. They prescribed me anti-depressants, but they take weeks to kick in. So I have little option at the moment but t just suffer and ride it out for a while. It doesn't listen to reason of course. No matter how much I tell it everything is perfectly fine, it insists on finding something to obsess over.
This is not exactly how I envisioned my curtain call upon leaving this industry or the end to my various tales on here. I had hoped for a grand finale, not a slow petering death over the course of 7 months. I have enough material left for one more post, and will likely write it up once I feel half way funny again. But, for now, this is the official end of my livery on here.
I will continue to hang out of course. But being medically forbidden from returning to the industry really puts a crimper on my source material. So, I hope at least that I gave everyone a few chuckles of the years and thank you for your readership. Being free from the industry also means I am free from my NDA security agreements. So hopefully I can bring my wits elsewhere to my own website or similar endeavour. But that will be a while down the road after I regain some semblance of my former self.
So, goodnight and good luck. GK out. For real this time.
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