Dear....

[draggar]

Dear Andara--

I posted it from YouTube because I was too lazy to post it form somewhere else...that might NOT require someone to be a member to see it. My bad. Thanks for the better link.

Thankfully,

Bella

Go to the source!

http://www.illwillpress.com

Many great cartoons there.

[MystyGlyttyr]

Dear He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named,

Once upon a time, if someone had told me that I was just like you, I'd have thought it was a tremendous compliment.

Now, the thought that I actually might be, is the most terrifying thought in my life.

From me.

[Becks]

Dear Becky,

Please see if you can figure out why you're so angry sometimes.

It's scary.

Concerned,

Becky

[the_std]

Dear Boything,

Why did you decide to go visit your mom, who lives eight hours away, and only bother telling me the night before? And then say that you have no idea when you're coming back? This is the first time we've been separated for more than a day since we moved in together, and the shock of your seizure still hasn't worn off, so I'm a little paranoid.

Please come home sooner rather than later. Sucky Roommate has already made the comment that you're never coming back, and that makes me sad. It's cold and lonely here without you.

Pretty darn depressed,
Me

[tropicsgoddess]

Dear DF's car,

You sure have been giving Honda a bad name. All the times you would have one problem after the other. You've been sitting in the driveway for an awful long time and enough is enough. I hate when DF has to ask his mom to use her car or bum rides if he and I need or want to go somewhere since her car is the only working car in the house. I really can't wait for me and DF to get the cash to fix you up.


Tropicsgoddess

[Ree]

Dear friends from the online "Mom's" community,

I really enjoy being a member, and I am very glad you added me to your friend's list, but when I haven't logged in for a while, and I come back to 354 bulk messages, that is really annoying.

To friend #1: I think it's lovely that you post to say good morning and good night each day, but after a month, that's a lot of messages.

To friend#2: www.snopes.com is your friend, and while I appreciate that you care enough to send out those dire warnings, you should know that I have been getting them in my email since I started using a computer all those years ago, and have long ago learned that they are nothing more than urban legend and hype.
A missing child is a tragic event, and I think using an online forum to get the message out is a great idea. The thing is, either the child was found long ago, and this message is a waste of time, or it was just another stupid online hoax started by some bored person.

To friends #3- 29: I appreciate all those sentimental little poems about friendship and motherhood and angels and special blessings. Thank you. Unfortunately, I do not have time to forward it to 12 people, including you, in order to prove that I am a true friend, or to receive those special blessings, or to make sure the person who sent it gets remembered in the prayers of all those to whom I am supposed to forward it.
I will not be blackmailed into forwarding messages. If I haven't proven before now that I am a friend, then I highly doubt my sending back a cutesy little poem will be any further proof.
Besides, it rather loses its charm when I see that you have sent the message to the 150 other names in the header above.

To random friends in no particular order: If you are going to forward stuff, edit the damn things. The forum is notorious for the members having flashing, blinking, sparkly signature lines with umpteen pictures of every child in their family through various stages of their life, and the software for this forum does not edit out siglines when things are quoted or forwarded. It does not edit out the headers, either, so when the message has been passed on through 20 people, it becomes rather cumbersome to scroll down through all those forwarded headers and flashing images to get to the actual message. If I am trying to get through 354 messages before my Inbox fills up again, that's a lot of time wasted.

Thank you.

[draggar]

Dear neighbor,

We all know you own a business. You had no need to canvas the community parking lot to let us all know, it is actually quite rude.

The fact that you canvassed all of our cars the night before a thunderstorm (that we all knew was coming) just shows how stupid, arrogant, and just how poor your business ethic is. I'm sure I speak for everyone in the community that you can be DAMN sure that no one in the community will ask for your business.

Also, since it is a car cleaning business, I'm assuming you'll clean everyone's windshields for free?

[Jester]

If I ever hear you whine that the kitchen was so disgusting last night that you couldn't even make dinner, I will chase you around the house with a mop screaming obscenties.

A mop? I would think a meat cleaver would be more intimidating......


Dear New Roommate,

For the most part you are a pretty cool dude. But I've gotta tell you, I'm concerned.

First you tell me you are going to be late on rent. Again. That's 2 out of 2 months. But fine, you had to have emergency work done. I get it.

But then you ask me to borrow some cash....the day after the last day rent could be accepted without a late fee. This does not inspire confidence in me, on Sunday, that you will have rent when you said you would, on Wednesday....which is, as I might point out, three days after the late fee kicks in and eight days after said rent was due.

Get your shit together, dude, or we are going to have to find another roommate. Because the only thing we hate more than roommate-hunting is having a roommate that doesn't actually pay his rent.

Thanks,

Jester and the Other Roommates.

[Misanthropical]

Dear new neighbors,

If you want to know why people from New York and New Jersey that move here are treated like invading space aliens who go around burping anchovy breath in people's faces is because of stunts like you pulled this morning.

Not all of us are on your schedule. So, letting your daughters have screaming contests on who can be the more annoying in the parking lot is not a good way to introduce yourself to the new neighbors, especially when the most anti social neighbor you have is trying to catch up on her sleep.

Also, if your kid is suddenly not screaming just for the sake of screaming, but actually screaming in pain, you should immediately put out your damn cigarette and find out how badly she is hurt. She should not have to wait for her useless parents to finish their cigarettes before they even take a step towards her.

Oh, and what class you showed me you had when you just flung your still lit butts in the parking lot. Hey, at least you didn't hit your daughter with it, right?

If you actually learn to behave in a socially acceptable way. The rest of us who live here might actually speak to you without wishing you would move back to New Jersey.

[crazylegs]

Dear E

Although I appreciate your company, and ejoy working with you, would you please somehow be not quite as drop dead gorgeous as you are normally, its difficult to drive when your in the car anyway, but when you laugh its a virtual imposibility to concentrate.

Yours, (hopefully not crashing anytime soon)

Crazylegs

[Becks]

Dear T,

You make me laugh.

Thank you.

Becky

[blas]

Dear Baby Neon (Skeeter):

I'm sorry we don't have garages here and you've been left outside in the most shitastic sorts of weather. But you've been needing a bath so badly lately, it's a good thing you've been out in the rain all day.

Blas

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear C,

I love working with you in the mornings & coming up with new and crazy ideas for a gaming store. (Who wants caged dancers in a gaming store? Raise your hands! ).

Thank you for just being you and letting me rant and rave and sniffle during the time we open.

You are awesome,
IDaR


P.S. Thank you for taking L on for me this past weekend. I'll do another rant about him in another letter later.

[Evil Queen]

Dear X,

Thanks for taking me out for dessert after my shift the other day. I had a trying day at work and it was nice of you to treat me to sweet goodies.

Love you,
-Me

[draftermatt]

Dear Company that hosts our website & e-mail,

My e-mail is down, I'm expecting very important things to come today (if they didn't come late Friday) please fix it ASAP. Also, your website is down as is mine, so this appears to be a very big problem. Crap.