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Ah, new year, new semester, new crop of wandering self-propelled protein piles calling themselves "students" lurching about, and, surprise, following the rules is not their strong suit.
Especially not parking regs.
Let's dig in, shall we?
Mmmmmmmmmm, delicious fail sandwich.
Two slices of wrong-shade construction paper, haphazardly glued to a thick, corrugated cardboard center, do not a good attempt at a fake permit make.
You're making this too easy, you might as well sign me up for an arm wrestling bout with a guy who's got a compound fracture of his radius AND ulna, and, oh what the heck, throw in both femurs while you're at it....
Know what else was delicious? Your tears, because you tried to CRY your way out of that misadventure into fraud.
That doesn't work on the IRS, so it doesn't work on us either, sweetie.
Cut n' Paste
Recnetly, I misspelled the word "recently", but I digress, also recently, Global Domination Reality has decided to make some changes to their permits. Instead of changing the color every semester, three times a year, they realized they could save expenses by printing off just one kind with a color that never changes and leaving a big blank next to the "EXPIRES" part where they can print a lot of little, smaller stickers, that say, for example (12/31 or 5/31) stick THOSE on top of the master blanks, and voila', you can print thousands of them for less than it would cost to do 3 batches of a couple hundred. Simple economics.
Now, most of you who know my clientele are already fully aware where this train is going...... yeah, it was only a matter of time before someone tried to re-use one by printing out a new date "sticker' and putting that over top the old one.
Two tried it just this week concurrent with the new semester starting and the old ones running out.
Tell me, did either of you gentlemen even LOOK at the permit first?
The real one you had?
Before you tried to fake new dates?
Because neither of you got the right FONT for the numbers. Trust me, after you look at hundreds and hundreds of instances of 5/31/15 day in and day out, suddenly seeing one pop up that looks like 5/31/15 is .... well, the incongruity is obvious. And that's BEFORE you take a closer look and notice the scissor marks, and scotch tape.
*sigh* It wasn't that HARD, you had the sample RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. And they even spotted you the "31", you didn't even have to touch that, and you STILL screwed the pooch. Come on! That's a gimme! That's shanking a 20 yard field goal attempt, that's bricking a free-throw, that's missing the broad side of a barn with a shotgun and your toes up against the shingles.... that's getting "CAT" in a spelling bee, with the presenter already giving you the "A" and the "T" and you picking "K".......
I will reluctantly give both of you a combined 2 points of effort for not picking comic sans, at least.
Too bad that's 2 out of a total possible score of "A LOT OF POINTS", so, your final grade is going to, well, really wreck the curve in here. Thanks a lot. (And if you HAD used Comic Sans, I would've graded that work "Potato"
)
Unlikely Story 1:
I really doubt "someone" in the "office" told you that you could park in their lot without a permit and you wouldn't be towed. Considering this is, allegedly, the same office that called us on Monday and said that today (Wed) was "tow em all and let God sort em out"day since classes for the new semester started and there shouldn't be any reason for anyone to be lingering around their lots without permits.
Funny, you don't seem to remember WHO it was who told you that, or WHICH office you called, seeing as Global Domination Reality has more than one (one for regular folk housing, one for cattle ..... er, students, and one for grad students where they treat you like cattle, but tell you it's special, you know? like how they raise Kobe Beef?) Just saying "the office" isn't descriptive enough.
And then, trapped by your lies, you tried to cry your way out of the tow (Man, this latest batch of students are quite the fragile bunch, no?)
And then you went and annoyed the maintenance man for the apartment (who doesn't even KNOW the parking regulations) about how there must be something he can do for you about that...
There is.
He can tell ME when he sees me next and we'll have a good laugh about it, as we did.
Unlikely Story 2:
Sure, the office for DOA reality "accidentally" gave you the wrong permit. Yeah, out of 40 cars in that lot with permits that are red and say "EXPIRES 5/31/16", they gave you the ONLY ONE that's Green and says "EXPIRES 12/31/15"
Well, if you insist that's what happened, let's call Angie down at DOA and see if she concurs with that version of events. Now, it's after hours, so she's probably not there, but we'll leave a message and as soon as she gets back to us, if she agrees that's what happened, we'll let the car go for free. We'll even waive the storage since it'll probably be until tomorrow for that return call.
Oh, wait, what's that? You want to just pay and get the car back? Sure! Can't imagine why!
Towing Manager, Staring in "Operation Shutdown"
Towing Manager (TM) is the final level of appeal around here, if you didn't like his answer, well, too bad. Short of civil court, that's the last tier of resolution you'll get to at least under this roof. Naturally, Manager revels in his ability to be infallible by finality by being as direct as possible when people get chippy.
Like this gentleman, "G". A rather dyspeptic fellow who after a night of merriment at his girlfirends apartment found that his car was not where he left it in the parking lot.
G-Why did I get towed?
TM-You don't have a permit to park there.
G-What? I was just visiting, I got to get a PERMIT to just SEE someone?
TM-Yes
G-I was just there for, like, only SIX HOURS (he was quite insistent this was a trivial amount of time) That's it! Literally just six hours! And you TOWED me?!
TM-Yes, you need a permit to park there, be it for a minute, an hour, or all day.
G-Well, it'd be nice if someone WARNED me about that!
TM-The sign you drove past that said "Permit Parking Only, Violators Towed" is the only warning you're going to get
G-This is Bulls*it!!! This is just a money-making rip off!!!!
TM-Those are the rules
G-Whose!?
TM-The apartment complex that owns the lot.
G-Well, this sounds like a scam to me, I wanna SEE THEM IN WRITING!!!
TM-Go back and read the "Permit Parking Only" sign, they're written pretty clear on there.
Can we get some paramedics en route? Stat? Someone just got seriously BURNED!
And that's just the START of the fun, we haven't had a full MONTH of newbie student anarchy (an-park-y, maybe?) yet, I'm sure, like getting your necktie caught in a paper shredder, this is going to get worse before it gets better... much much worse.
Can't wait.
Especially not parking regs.
Let's dig in, shall we?
Mmmmmmmmmm, delicious fail sandwich.
Two slices of wrong-shade construction paper, haphazardly glued to a thick, corrugated cardboard center, do not a good attempt at a fake permit make.
You're making this too easy, you might as well sign me up for an arm wrestling bout with a guy who's got a compound fracture of his radius AND ulna, and, oh what the heck, throw in both femurs while you're at it....
Know what else was delicious? Your tears, because you tried to CRY your way out of that misadventure into fraud.
That doesn't work on the IRS, so it doesn't work on us either, sweetie.
Cut n' Paste
Recnetly, I misspelled the word "recently", but I digress, also recently, Global Domination Reality has decided to make some changes to their permits. Instead of changing the color every semester, three times a year, they realized they could save expenses by printing off just one kind with a color that never changes and leaving a big blank next to the "EXPIRES" part where they can print a lot of little, smaller stickers, that say, for example (12/31 or 5/31) stick THOSE on top of the master blanks, and voila', you can print thousands of them for less than it would cost to do 3 batches of a couple hundred. Simple economics.
Now, most of you who know my clientele are already fully aware where this train is going...... yeah, it was only a matter of time before someone tried to re-use one by printing out a new date "sticker' and putting that over top the old one.
Two tried it just this week concurrent with the new semester starting and the old ones running out.
Tell me, did either of you gentlemen even LOOK at the permit first?
The real one you had?
Before you tried to fake new dates?
Because neither of you got the right FONT for the numbers. Trust me, after you look at hundreds and hundreds of instances of 5/31/15 day in and day out, suddenly seeing one pop up that looks like 5/31/15 is .... well, the incongruity is obvious. And that's BEFORE you take a closer look and notice the scissor marks, and scotch tape.
*sigh* It wasn't that HARD, you had the sample RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. And they even spotted you the "31", you didn't even have to touch that, and you STILL screwed the pooch. Come on! That's a gimme! That's shanking a 20 yard field goal attempt, that's bricking a free-throw, that's missing the broad side of a barn with a shotgun and your toes up against the shingles.... that's getting "CAT" in a spelling bee, with the presenter already giving you the "A" and the "T" and you picking "K".......
I will reluctantly give both of you a combined 2 points of effort for not picking comic sans, at least.
Too bad that's 2 out of a total possible score of "A LOT OF POINTS", so, your final grade is going to, well, really wreck the curve in here. Thanks a lot. (And if you HAD used Comic Sans, I would've graded that work "Potato"
)Unlikely Story 1:
I really doubt "someone" in the "office" told you that you could park in their lot without a permit and you wouldn't be towed. Considering this is, allegedly, the same office that called us on Monday and said that today (Wed) was "tow em all and let God sort em out"day since classes for the new semester started and there shouldn't be any reason for anyone to be lingering around their lots without permits.
Funny, you don't seem to remember WHO it was who told you that, or WHICH office you called, seeing as Global Domination Reality has more than one (one for regular folk housing, one for cattle ..... er, students, and one for grad students where they treat you like cattle, but tell you it's special, you know? like how they raise Kobe Beef?) Just saying "the office" isn't descriptive enough.
And then, trapped by your lies, you tried to cry your way out of the tow (Man, this latest batch of students are quite the fragile bunch, no?)
And then you went and annoyed the maintenance man for the apartment (who doesn't even KNOW the parking regulations) about how there must be something he can do for you about that...
There is.
He can tell ME when he sees me next and we'll have a good laugh about it, as we did.
Unlikely Story 2:
Sure, the office for DOA reality "accidentally" gave you the wrong permit. Yeah, out of 40 cars in that lot with permits that are red and say "EXPIRES 5/31/16", they gave you the ONLY ONE that's Green and says "EXPIRES 12/31/15"
Well, if you insist that's what happened, let's call Angie down at DOA and see if she concurs with that version of events. Now, it's after hours, so she's probably not there, but we'll leave a message and as soon as she gets back to us, if she agrees that's what happened, we'll let the car go for free. We'll even waive the storage since it'll probably be until tomorrow for that return call.
Oh, wait, what's that? You want to just pay and get the car back? Sure! Can't imagine why!
Towing Manager, Staring in "Operation Shutdown"
Towing Manager (TM) is the final level of appeal around here, if you didn't like his answer, well, too bad. Short of civil court, that's the last tier of resolution you'll get to at least under this roof. Naturally, Manager revels in his ability to be infallible by finality by being as direct as possible when people get chippy.
Like this gentleman, "G". A rather dyspeptic fellow who after a night of merriment at his girlfirends apartment found that his car was not where he left it in the parking lot.
G-Why did I get towed?
TM-You don't have a permit to park there.
G-What? I was just visiting, I got to get a PERMIT to just SEE someone?
TM-Yes
G-I was just there for, like, only SIX HOURS (he was quite insistent this was a trivial amount of time) That's it! Literally just six hours! And you TOWED me?!
TM-Yes, you need a permit to park there, be it for a minute, an hour, or all day.
G-Well, it'd be nice if someone WARNED me about that!
TM-The sign you drove past that said "Permit Parking Only, Violators Towed" is the only warning you're going to get
G-This is Bulls*it!!! This is just a money-making rip off!!!!
TM-Those are the rules
G-Whose!?
TM-The apartment complex that owns the lot.
G-Well, this sounds like a scam to me, I wanna SEE THEM IN WRITING!!!
TM-Go back and read the "Permit Parking Only" sign, they're written pretty clear on there.
Can we get some paramedics en route? Stat? Someone just got seriously BURNED!
And that's just the START of the fun, we haven't had a full MONTH of newbie student anarchy (an-park-y, maybe?) yet, I'm sure, like getting your necktie caught in a paper shredder, this is going to get worse before it gets better... much much worse.
Can't wait.
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