Go Back   Customers Suck! > Community > Jokes

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes

Dog Food Diet
Old 08-03-2014, 06:16 PM
Tyg3rW01f's Avatar
Tyg3rW01f Tyg3rW01f is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Upper East Tennessee
Posts: 54
Default Dog Food Diet

So I'm at Pet Smart buying a bag of dog food for my 8 dogs. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be in PET SMART buying dog food, RIGHT??? ((Here's yer sign.))
So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Food Diet again. I went on to say that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you do is load your pockets with food nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Old 08-03-2014, 07:28 PM
MadMike's Avatar
MadMike MadMike is offline
Heavy Metal Admin
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Enola, PA
Posts: 5,010

I did something like that once, when I got my first cat after getting my own place. I went back to the supermarket where I used to work, and picked up a bag of cat litter. One of my former coworkers saw me carrying the bag up to the register and asked me, "Oh, did you get a cat?" Without missing a beat, I smiled and said, "Nope! My toilet broke!" This was several years before "Here's Yer Sign", but I could definitely picture him saying it.
Sometimes life is altered.
Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
Uneasy with confrontation.
Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

Old 08-03-2014, 08:27 PM
AccountingDrone's Avatar
AccountingDrone AccountingDrone is offline
Insomniac with Cable TV
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Middle of Nowhere, Ct
Posts: 2,539

That would probably work with a bag of Purina Primate Chow however. Primates are much closer to us nutrition requirement-ly speaking.
EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

Old 08-08-2014, 04:46 AM
wolfie wolfie is offline
I need a life
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,041

Technically, we ARE primates (Homo Sapiens - although SCs make me doubt the "sapiens" part is accurate), so primate chow would be suitable. I recall reading in a WW2-era survival guide (intended audience: downed military aircrew) that "anything a monkey eats can be eaten by man".

Would it be considered cruelty to animals to keep an un-neutered male Chihuahua in the same room as an un-spayed female Great Dane in heat?
Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 07:44 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.