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Dog Food Diet
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Old 08-03-2014, 07:16 PM
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Default Dog Food Diet

So I'm at Pet Smart buying a bag of dog food for my 8 dogs. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be in PET SMART buying dog food, RIGHT??? ((Here's yer sign.))
So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Food Diet again. I went on to say that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you do is load your pockets with food nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

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Old 08-03-2014, 08:28 PM
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I did something like that once, when I got my first cat after getting my own place. I went back to the supermarket where I used to work, and picked up a bag of cat litter. One of my former coworkers saw me carrying the bag up to the register and asked me, "Oh, did you get a cat?" Without missing a beat, I smiled and said, "Nope! My toilet broke!" This was several years before "Here's Yer Sign", but I could definitely picture him saying it.
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Old 08-03-2014, 09:27 PM
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That would probably work with a bag of Purina Primate Chow however. Primates are much closer to us nutrition requirement-ly speaking.
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Old 08-08-2014, 05:46 AM
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Technically, we ARE primates (Homo Sapiens - although SCs make me doubt the "sapiens" part is accurate), so primate chow would be suitable. I recall reading in a WW2-era survival guide (intended audience: downed military aircrew) that "anything a monkey eats can be eaten by man".

Would it be considered cruelty to animals to keep an un-neutered male Chihuahua in the same room as an un-spayed female Great Dane in heat?
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