A Bad Picture of a Beautiful Dress on a Curvy Girl

[monolayth]

Did you mean offbeat bride? I am on the knot.

[KiaKat]

Did you mean offbeat bride? I am on the knot.

Sorta. Offbeat Tribe is the semi-private community run by the Offbeat Bride author. It's a lot more supportive than The Site That Shall Not Be Named, and doesn't obsess over weight. At all. In fact, discussion of weight, weight loss, fitting into dresses, etc etc etc, is verboten. As is the word "tacky."

It's a lot more laid back and a lot more authentic than The Other Site. Mostly because they're not so obsessed with the $30K wedding with the doves released during the kiss and the Swarovski-crystal-encrusted swans on the cake table. They don't demonize it, either.

/shilling for OBT

[AdminAssistant]

The Site That Shall Not Be Named

I'm just now kinda getting serious about planning, which site is this? (Just so I know not to go to it. You can PM me if you want.)

Love the dress, btw! I've seen a few bridal dresses I like, but I just found some bridesmaid dresses that I *love*. My sister (and MOH) saw me looking at the magazine page and said, "Yeah, I'd wear that."

[KiaKat]

Sorry... was using a euphemism for theknot.com. It's an absolutely horrid site that thinks every bride should be obsessed with being an anorexic toothpick for her wedding, while paying far too much for a lace-and-crystal-encrusted meringue while flashing her four-caret diamond ring. Because he just doesn't love you if he didn't spend at LEAST three months of his salary on a piece of jewelry.

Head over to offbeatbride.com and check it out. Especially if you find yourself liking colour and quirkiness. They have lots of both. The community is called the Tribe, and they really are a great group of people, all across the gender & sexuality spectrums.

[AdminAssistant]

Cool! Sorry, I thought you were talking about theknot, but I wanted to be sure. I've been trying to study up on all of this wedding....stuff, but I don't have a ton of time to devote to it. I get the occasional magazine, have a few blogs that I look at. :/ Still have about 14 months......

One thing I have noticed is that, for me, the brides obsessed with "quirky individualness" are almost as bad as the ones obsessed with spending tons of money. Not all of us can DIY - everything, and I'm not spending months digging through vintage stores to find a dress.

ETA: Weight obsession is a bad thing, but a lot of brides-to-be do diet in order to get ready for the big day, so I'm not sure why any discussion of that would be verboten. And a lot of bridal stuff I've seen is, indeed, tacky.

[KiaKat]

Er... sorry. This turned into a rant...

The idea is that every couple has *their* wedding. Whether it's traditional, DIY, totally off-the-wall, elegant, themed, or backyard BBQ, the point is for the couple to be themselves and celebrate the coming together of two families. Not to be obsessed with What Is Required. The only thing that's required is you, your partner (or partners), the officiant, the license, and witnesses. And even those last three are questionable, depending on state/country. The Knot tends to view the groom as interchangeable, and treats him as such.

I'm only DIYing a little bit. Other brides don't DIY anything. And others are doing it all - even making their own dress. However, no one should feel pressured into any particular style or concept, just because That's What's Done. "Tacky" is different for everyone. For some people, having a red dress is tacky, whereas in most Asian cultures it's not just good luck, but required by custom. The Knot declares any dress colour other than white or ivory, and any structure other than strapless to be Not Done and absolutely horrible.

In regards to weight... The Knot is beyond obsessed with weight. If you go onto their boards and ask a question about plus-sized dresses for either you, or any member of your party, they'll harangue you and demand to know why you haven't gotten a personal trainer yet. It's all about undermining other brides, not supporting each other during what is an incredibly stressful process. There's no *need* to diet for one day - doing it as a lifestyle change is one thing, doing it for image is something different and inherently unhealthy. It's verboten in order for brides & grooms to have a safe place to discuss planning without having to kowtow to the industry "standard." A lot of the community members have eating disorders or anxiety issues surrounding weight and food, so totally forbidding discussion allows them a haven.

[monolayth]

I am glad you found a place you feel comfortable!

I am doing just fine on the knot. Then again I stay on my wedding month board. They are friendly to me, but I know they tend to be vicious on some of the others.

As with all boards** There is a certin amount of clicque culture. I think that if you are cmfortable there then you are doing good. If not then leave.

**with the exception of the CS forums, This is a very accepting and nice place. Great mods and all.

Wedding planning can be stressful if you let it. Just breathe and focus on what is important.

You will not be any less married if you dont DYI it or dont have the sparkles.

I choose what I wanted and what was right for my fiance and I. I did go with the big strapless dress.And it is ivory. But has red on it. the dress I was going to buy before I tried on the dress was all red. We are doing a BBQ reception at a local park and getting married there. It will be a very small wedding. Which fits us perfectly.

Ladies what are your wedding plans?

[KiaKat]

Sounds like you really know what fits you! That's fantastic, and I love hearing it.

We're having a small, early November, mid-day ceremony & reception at one of our favourite places in northern Vermont. It's the upstairs event area of an old mill building turned glassworks & restaurant, right on the Quechee river. The building is entirely powered by the dam they built, the food is mostly sourced locally with a focus on depth and richness of flavour, and they have an award-winning wine list. We're hoping to have my aunt officiate, since she means a lot to both of us, and she'll be able to incorporate all the customs and traditions we want... although it'll likely be a *very* short ceremony.

Colours are black, ivory, sage/celedon green, and lavender. Decor is simple, just basic centerpieces, faerie lights that the restaurant always put up for the holidays, and a chuppah. Or something resembling a chuppah. The windows overlooking the river will be our backdrop, hopefully it's either a typical northern NE November day, with soft subtle greys and lots of diffuse light, or a beautifully sunny one.

Funny... it looks like so much more planning than it actually is. We've had very little to do. Low-stress is the name of the game.

[AdminAssistant]

Well, I'm still more than a year out - we haven't even set a date yet! But right now we're considering getting married at my sister's house. They just finished it, and it sits on 8 acres of nice hilly land. But before we decide on that for sure we have to 1) get a guest list together so she can see if she really wants that many people at her house and 2) make sure they can get some grass growing this year. Right now, the immediate front yard is clay. In the past, I've been very against an outdoor wedding, but that's pretty much what we can afford. (We could get married in my old church for not a lot of money, but he's Buddhist, I'm turning atheist/agnostic, and it just seems...odd. Plus the church's interior is an icky shade of maroon.)

I've got a few ideas for a dress, but I'm also considering just getting a white/ivory version of the bridesmaid's dress. (Here is the general style: http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_...ty-Bridesmaids) Need to get that figured out by the fall....sheesh.

[monolayth]

I wanted it simple and un complicated. I wanted the least amount of stuff to worry about as possible. The location I choose was so beautiful I did not need to decorate.

http://www.youtube.com/user/monolayt.../3/VPb0DY2OWgk is you tube video taken in October.

and http://www.flickr.com/photos/48272780@N06/5357742203/ is my dress and if you poke around at the other pics there you will see lots of pics of the location. (taken in October)

It cost a total of 150 to rent the park for the day. Which is awesome. There is a huge playground for the kids to go play. And there is nice bathrooms (for a park),

I was going to line the sidewalk in the bridal glen with rose petals and be done.

The tables will have some candles and rose petals on them. I am putting down white paper as the table cloths and giving the kids crayons to color them.

I will be having the big old cake thing, mostly because mom wants it. I am serving pulled bbq sandwiched and potato salad, pasta salad, coleslaw, and baked beans. My neice will be my flower girl and will wear a big poofy dress. (I wanted to buy something girly as we have 3 boys)

[KiaKat]

Oh, that's GORGEOUS on you! I love the detail on the bodice.

I totally hear you on the simple & uncomplicated thing. That's one of my central points with all of this. The space is so beautiful that I don't need much in the way of decoration - I just have to hope it doesn't SNOW!

Are you going to keep the bits of paper that the kids colour on? I can see that being a great addition for the wedding album.

[monolayth]

I will def have the photographer take pics of it.

http://www.marysbridal.com/bridal/7925.htm was the original dress I was going to get. But I tried the one I got on and the look on my mothers face told me I had to choose it.

I worked wedding receptions when I was in college. So I got burned out on how much of a production weddings can be. I wanted a great party with those that mattered. I do plan on taking the candles with me on my honeymoon. they are beautiful.

I did not want a huge set up and take down process. Just take off the votives and put them in the trunk of my car and roll up the paper with all the stuff on it and throw it away. We are using paper plates. Should be easy.

Oh I also have an apron to wear while eating so I don't spill on my dress.

[reimero]

GHAH! The wedding planning! It burns! </flashbacks>

Actually, it wasn't that bad, it just seemed like it at the time, but it's not something I'd ever want to go through again. I was probably more involved than 75% of other grooms. Let's see...
First, both your dresses are pretty (KiaKat and monolayth) and seem to suit you well, at least through a cell phone lens. The other thing you've done right is give yourselves more than five months to plan (five months of panic, stress, and stressful panic. But ours was a very traditional church wedding/reception.)

One thing I will say is this: stuff goes awry at every wedding, regardless how well-planned. But if the Big Picture Stuff is close, you'll remember it as having been perfect. A slightly-botched detail won't ruin your wedding. If it's important enough that it could ruin your wedding, it's not a detail, and you'll have planned for it.

Good luck!

[Elspeth]

You both have beautiful dresses. And I want your curls KiaKat!! I make one suggestion. Don't get married 2 days after graduating from college. By the end all I cared about was getting to Vegas.

May you all have wonderful weddings!

[ArcticChicken]

For some people, having a red dress is tacky, whereas in most Asian cultures it's not just good luck, but required by custom.

I would love a bright red dress, but most of my BFs family are Catholic, and would be entirely scandalized, and I'm not terribly attached to the idea.

On the other hand, we won't even be getting engaged for at least two years (when he graduates from college), so who knows how I'll feel then.