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So a few weeks ago I made a football bet with a coworker, and the team I bet on won. Meaning that my coworker owed me a twelve-pack of Pacifico beer. (For those interested, if I had lost, I would have owed him a twelve-pack of Samuel Adams Octoberfest.)
Well, yesterday he finally got around to delivering said twelve-pack. (I knew he would eventually, and wasn't worried about him delivering it, but of course the longer it took him, the more I got to give him grief!) After I finished with work, I grabbed my backpack and my shiny new twelve-pack, and started the several block walk from The Bar to my truck, as parking in downtown Key West is challenging, and parking anywhere near my bar is bordering on impossible. (I typically park 4-6 blocks away.)
Just after I passed the harbor, a young, semi-unkempt fellow carrying a guitar case came down the sidewalk from the other direction. Upon spying my Mexican treasure, he asked, "Hey man, can you spare a Pacifico?" Why no...no I can't. I actually tried to be jovial about it and not slowing my pace at all, said in quite the friendly way, "Sorry man....they're being delivered!" Which was technically true. I was delivering them to my house to put in my fridge to be drunk by me.
Not 30 seconds later, an older, more unkempt fellow came my way, and asked, "Hey man, can I ask you a question?" This is always a bum's prelude to asking you for something, usually money--at least in this town. "Sure," I said, as I kept walking. "Can you spare a quarter--I almost have enough for a beer." While I had a pocket full of change, I told him I had no change. Sure, he looked harmless enough, but to get change from my pocket, I would have had to have set my twelve pack and/or my backpack (with my laptop in it) down, and that was NOT going to happen. Cause, while he didn't know about the laptop, I didn't know what he might try to grab and run, and there was no way I could run after him lugging either one or the other. Not to be deterred, he went on. "Well, how about one of those beers?" Feeling less jovial than the first guy who attempted a Drive By Free Loading, I said, "Nope." And kept walking.
And I was inspired by this double whammy to song. TO SONG, I SAY! TO SONG!
"This free beer is my free beer, not your free beer, I say.
This free beer is my free beer, not your free beer, hey hey!
If you want some beer go buy some beer, go to the store and pay.
This free beer is my free beer, so get the fuck out of my way!"
Sure, it's not my best work, but I came up with the majority of it walking several blocks with a heavy backpack on my back and a twelve pack in my hands.
Okay, so as I typed that all up, I realized two things. First, the ditty I heard in my head when coming up with that song probably doesn't translate from the written word. Secondly, it's NOT my best work, and damnit, I CAN do better. So I sat down for a few minutes just now, and came up with this, which is dedicated to all the able-bodied lazy fucks who think it's perfectly alright to ask me for MY beer that I bought with MY money that I earned at MY job. Or to ask anyone else who works their ass off for stuff they bought with their hard-earned money. My thanks--and apologies--to Dee Snider, as this is to the tune of Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It":
You’re not gonna get it
No, you’re not gonna get it
You’re not gonna get my...fucking beer!
I got this beer in a bet and
There ain’t no way you’ll get it
This is my beer, this is my prize
I’ll drink these cold cervezas
You won’t know how great the taste is
Don’t act put off, don’t act surprised.
You’re not gonna get it
No, you’re not gonna get it
You’re not gonna get my...fucking beer!
You’re pleas are so pathetic
Your laziness, just epic
You don’t want no job, not a touch of work
You want others’ possessions
Well I have a suggestion
Go get a job, don’t be a jerk.
Whoa...
Whoa...
My twelve/yeah
My brew/yeah
My beer/yeah
Screw you/yeah
You’re not gonna get it
No, you’re not gonna get it
You’re not gonna get my...fucking beer!
You’re not gonna get it
No, you’re not gonna get it
You’re not gonna get my...fucking beer!
Well, yesterday he finally got around to delivering said twelve-pack. (I knew he would eventually, and wasn't worried about him delivering it, but of course the longer it took him, the more I got to give him grief!) After I finished with work, I grabbed my backpack and my shiny new twelve-pack, and started the several block walk from The Bar to my truck, as parking in downtown Key West is challenging, and parking anywhere near my bar is bordering on impossible. (I typically park 4-6 blocks away.)
Just after I passed the harbor, a young, semi-unkempt fellow carrying a guitar case came down the sidewalk from the other direction. Upon spying my Mexican treasure, he asked, "Hey man, can you spare a Pacifico?" Why no...no I can't. I actually tried to be jovial about it and not slowing my pace at all, said in quite the friendly way, "Sorry man....they're being delivered!" Which was technically true. I was delivering them to my house to put in my fridge to be drunk by me.
Not 30 seconds later, an older, more unkempt fellow came my way, and asked, "Hey man, can I ask you a question?" This is always a bum's prelude to asking you for something, usually money--at least in this town. "Sure," I said, as I kept walking. "Can you spare a quarter--I almost have enough for a beer." While I had a pocket full of change, I told him I had no change. Sure, he looked harmless enough, but to get change from my pocket, I would have had to have set my twelve pack and/or my backpack (with my laptop in it) down, and that was NOT going to happen. Cause, while he didn't know about the laptop, I didn't know what he might try to grab and run, and there was no way I could run after him lugging either one or the other. Not to be deterred, he went on. "Well, how about one of those beers?" Feeling less jovial than the first guy who attempted a Drive By Free Loading, I said, "Nope." And kept walking.
And I was inspired by this double whammy to song. TO SONG, I SAY! TO SONG!
"This free beer is my free beer, not your free beer, I say.
This free beer is my free beer, not your free beer, hey hey!
If you want some beer go buy some beer, go to the store and pay.
This free beer is my free beer, so get the fuck out of my way!"
Sure, it's not my best work, but I came up with the majority of it walking several blocks with a heavy backpack on my back and a twelve pack in my hands.
Okay, so as I typed that all up, I realized two things. First, the ditty I heard in my head when coming up with that song probably doesn't translate from the written word. Secondly, it's NOT my best work, and damnit, I CAN do better. So I sat down for a few minutes just now, and came up with this, which is dedicated to all the able-bodied lazy fucks who think it's perfectly alright to ask me for MY beer that I bought with MY money that I earned at MY job. Or to ask anyone else who works their ass off for stuff they bought with their hard-earned money. My thanks--and apologies--to Dee Snider, as this is to the tune of Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It":
You’re not gonna get it
No, you’re not gonna get it
You’re not gonna get my...fucking beer!
I got this beer in a bet and
There ain’t no way you’ll get it
This is my beer, this is my prize
I’ll drink these cold cervezas
You won’t know how great the taste is
Don’t act put off, don’t act surprised.
You’re not gonna get it
No, you’re not gonna get it
You’re not gonna get my...fucking beer!
You’re pleas are so pathetic
Your laziness, just epic
You don’t want no job, not a touch of work
You want others’ possessions
Well I have a suggestion
Go get a job, don’t be a jerk.
Whoa...
Whoa...
My twelve/yeah
My brew/yeah
My beer/yeah
Screw you/yeah
You’re not gonna get it
No, you’re not gonna get it
You’re not gonna get my...fucking beer!
You’re not gonna get it
No, you’re not gonna get it
You’re not gonna get my...fucking beer!
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