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SERIOUS advice needed
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Old 11-14-2019, 06:32 PM
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Eireann Eireann is offline
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Default SERIOUS advice needed

As some of you know, about ten years ago my entire life fell apart. I was desperate, I was suicidal at times, I had no idea what I was going to do.

I have since come to realize that my anxiety issues are not from that time, but date from childhood. I'm not going to go into details; suffice it to say, I was abused in several ways, and my abuser put on such a happy, cheerful, smiling face that to this day, I haven't been able to tell most people who knew this person just what this person really was like. The reason is that most people wouldn't believe me, and I don't feel like stirring up shit and having people hate me for telling the truth, or resenting me for it (quite a few people out there think that this person gave them a lot of support, which isn't the case, but I know they wouldn't accept the truth).

So I am now in therapy for this problem, among others. I'm at a time in my life where I should own my own house, or be close to owning it. There is a lot of "should" in my life - should have steady work, should have a lot of savings, should this, should that. I know now why this isn't the case, and quite a bit of anxiety comes from the fact that I don't have these things.

So, as I said, I'm in therapy. Okay, good. I'm finally learning what life really is, as opposed to how I was raised. Growing up, I was the scapegoat - whatever was wrong, was my fault, even if I had nothing to do with it. Someone had a bad day? My fault. Someone wanted to take out their anger? Take it out on me; I'm right here. It was endless, and there was nothing I could do about it. I came to believe that there really was a fundamental wrongness about me - otherwise, why would everyone treat me this way?

This echoed in other relationships - friendships, work, "intimate" relationships. I've never come close to being married, engaged, or living with someone. I've never really dated. My "relationships" with "guys" were a fiasco. They treated me the way my family did, which is to say, everything was my fault. And they were so put-upon, dealing with the likes of me.

At work, it continued. I've dealt with more than one "manager" who realized that they could take out all their frustrations on me, because I never stood up for myself. The more shit they gave me, the more shit they realized they could give me. I just kept on taking it, because that's the environment in which I was raised. It was my comfort zone. It's what I knew.

I had some "friends" who did similar things - bulldozed me into doing what they wanted, threw fits when I wanted to do something else, took over my life.

It's been a nightmare, and I'm slowly waking up to it. I had health issues in childhood that were always blown off as "exaggerations" or "hypochondria", which means, I wasn't given the right medical treatment. Now, I am finally being treated for something that could have been - and should have been - diagnosed when I was a kid, but wasn't, because I wasn't important enough to be taken to the doctor. And it wasn't due to ignorance of the condition, which runs rampant in my family. And it wasn't due to lack of insurance, because we had it.

I'm now dealing with immense rage about the way I was raised, and things that I was never taught are now, gradually, dawning on me. Since I was always wrong, in everything I said, did, and was, I was honestly ignorant of things other people are taught early in life. Such as saying hello to people when I see them, or paying my share of the bill when going out with friends. That's how bad it's been.

I've been working as a freelancer for many years now, which is helpful in that for the most part, I haven't been employed by a single entity. (Unfortunately, I've still dealt with asshole managers.) I haven't had a lot of work lately, and I'm determined to get savings socked away and buy my own house.

So. What do you recommend? I've resurrected two blogs that I started years ago, in the hope that I would become one of those people who make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year off them. I've made about ten bucks.

These are my ideas:

Keep on blogging, sign up with affiliate programs, and do my best to increase traffic to the sites. The sites are http://hotelhaunted.blogspot.com/ and http://ghostshauntingsandbumpsinthenight.blogspot.com/, and if you could visit and send people to these sites, it would be much appreciated! Some affiliate programs don't accept Blogger blogs, alas.

Make videos to put on YouTube. Of course, some videos are easier than others. ASMR, for example, can be done fairly easily, and I have some ideas for such videos that wouldn't require a huge cash outlay. I do have some excellent ideas for short horror, which will have to be put on the back burner until my cash flow is much more stable.

Location scouting. I'm going to advertise online for houses in which to shoot films. Lots and LOTS of movies and TV shows are shooting here now, and having a database of locations will be a huge benefit.


What are your ideas for increasing my income, and growing it once I have it? How do you recommend dealing with anxiety? What's the best plan for the future?

Last edited by Eireann; 11-14-2019 at 06:34 PM.

  #2  
Old 11-15-2019, 11:57 PM
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AnaKhouri AnaKhouri is offline
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I don't know if this would work for you, but I make a little extra money by doing surveys with a site called Opinion Outpost (there are other sites for this too). It's not a ton of money, but I could probably make more if I had more time to do it. I don't know if that's too 'small potatoes' for what you have in mind though. I am certainly not living off the amount I make, it's just money to take the kids places sometimes.

Oh, and again I don't know of this works for you, or would even be healthy depending on your state of mind. True crime is HUGE right now, but a lot of podcasts and sites tend to cover the same most famous cases. I believe you live in Europe (?) so you might have access to cases that Americans (the true crime junkies) aren't familiar with and they would probably eat that up. A podcast or blog maybe?

Last edited by MadMike; 11-18-2019 at 02:01 AM. Reason: Merge consecutive posts

  #3  
Old 11-18-2019, 06:46 PM
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Eireann Eireann is offline
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Thanks, AnaKhouri. It's not easy to advise someone in my situation, I'm sure.

  #4  
Old 11-26-2019, 03:37 PM
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Good luck, I hope things work out the way you want.

I just want to add that you shouldn't feel pressure to own a house, or be in a relationship, or whatever. There is nothing out there that says you SHOULD do certain things. There's nothing wrong with not owning a house. Renters get a bad rap which is really starting to annoy me.
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Old 11-26-2019, 06:22 PM
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Eireann Eireann is offline
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Quote:
Quoth telecom_goddess View Post
Good luck, I hope things work out the way you want.

I just want to add that you shouldn't feel pressure to own a house, or be in a relationship, or whatever. There is nothing out there that says you SHOULD do certain things. There's nothing wrong with not owning a house. Renters get a bad rap which is really starting to annoy me.
I don't want a house because I feel pressure to own one (and, fortunately, I don't feel pressure from anyone except myself). I want my own house because I want a place that will always be mine. I want to have a garden and grow a lot of my own food. I want a house so that nobody can move in upstairs or downstairs or in the adjoining apartment and throw wild parties or blast their stereo. I want peace and quiet.

As for relationships, I just want to be with the right person, for once. I've made a series of very bad decisions, and now, I finally know why. But there aren't a lot of people out there with my interests, and after all I've been through, I don't want to waste times with anyone who isn't right for me.

  #6  
Old 11-28-2019, 04:52 AM
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Quote:
Quoth telecom_goddess View Post
here's nothing wrong with not owning a house. Renters get a bad rap which is really starting to annoy me.
It annoys me greatly.
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