Customer gets me fired (from my old job)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Wait!!! Skip Bayless?? I thought I was the only one who knew Skip Bayless

No. No you're not.

Guy almost makes me wish sports were cancelled forever so he'd have nothing to talk about.

[gerund]

What about the operation for an enlarged prostrate gland, internet trolls, flame wars online, needles (blood tests and injections), bogans, stingrays, chavs, Chinese burns, guns pointed at me, hypothalamic moods, crucifixion, yeti, biting monkeys, depression, going blind, noisy neighbours, people bigger than me, arguments, poison spray and getting tangled in the bed sheet and suffocating when I can't sit up.

[gerund]

A complete list of everything

abusers
accidental castration
acid rain
Agent Orange
AIDS
anal warts (twice)
anaphylactic shock
anorexia
anthrax
arguments
arson
asbestos
assholes
assless chaps
assault with a deadly weapon
athlete's foot
avalanches
bad acid trips
bad cover bands
badly colorized black and white movies
bar fights
"Batman Forever"
bats
beached whales
beach erosion
bears
bees
bills
biological warfare
biting monkeys
the earth falling into a black hole
going blind
blue balls
blue ringed octopus
bogans
bombs
botulism
bowel cancer
brain aneurysm
brain freeze
brain freeze from Slurpees
brain tumors
brake failure
breast cancer
Brian Urlacher
broken condoms
bubonic plague
building collapses
bullying
buried alive
burnt toast
butt fumbles
cancer
cauliflower ear
chavs
cheating athletes
cheating spouses
Chinese burns
Cleveland
being a Cleveland Browns fan
clowns
collection agencies
colostomy bags
computer viruses
concession stand prices
constipation
convicted of a crime you did not commit
Cooties
copycat killers
counterfeit concert tickets
crackheads
crocodiles
crucifixion
cyclothymic moods
Cybermen
Dalaks
death
defective seat belts
dehydration
demonic possession
depression
dismemberment
big dogs
little yappy dogs
drowning
drop bears
drug addicts
drunk drivers
e. coli
earthquakes
economic collapse
electric chairs
electrocution
elevator disasters
El Paso
embezzlers
entitlement whores
entropy
erectile dysfunction
exploding household appliances
falling anvils (and pianos)
falling asleep while driving
falling down the stairs
falling off a cliff
falling up the stairs
farm thresher accidents
beiber fever
feral cats
financial ruin
financial scams
firebombings
flame wars online
fleas
boogie woogie flu
food-induced comas
food poisoning
forced retirement
forgetting your locker combination
someone who forgives me
foul fucking language
fratricide
french fries but no ketchup
frost bite
frozen alive
gang violence
gas chambers
gas leaks
ghosts & ghoulies & things that go bump in the night
Gila monsters
global warming
gopher holes
guillotines
guns pointed at me
gynecologists with cold hands
hallucinating while driving
hanging chads
haunted hotels
heart attacks
heebie jeebies
hemorrhoids
high blood pressure
home invasions
hostage decapitations
hostile takeovers
Howard Stern
human trafficking
hurricanes
hydrochloric acid
hypothalamic moods
hypothermia
impalement of non-believers
indian rug burns
industrial waste poisoning our water supply
influenza
injustice
my internet connection going down while I'm typing this message
internet girlfriend hoaxes
internet trolls
JaMarcus Russell's "comeback"
jungle rot
kangaroo courts
Kardashians
Keanu Reeves' acting
Killer Tomatoes
layoffs
lead poisoning
leaky diapers
lethal injection
liars
lockouts
lost at sea
lost luggage
lousy tippers
lynch mobs
stuck in a lift
caught in the light cycle race in Tron
Lindsay Lohan
lions
Los Angeles traffic
lost
mass cult suicides
medical malpractice
melting polar caps
Mexican jails
monster under the bed
morbid obesity
movie spoilers
mud slides
mugged on a train
musical piracy
needles (blood tests and injections)
noisy neighbours
nepotism
nervous breakdowns
off-key musicians
old ladies with a hairy mouth kissing me
old people who smell of pee
operation for an enlarged prostrate gland
overrun levees
pain
panthers
being caught in public without your pants
paparazzi
papercuts
parachute failure
paralysis
Parrot Heads
pay cuts
peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth
pedophiles
people bigger than me
permanent disfigurement
picture messages from Brett Favre
hot pizza burning the roof of your mouth
plane crashes
rockin pneumonia
poison spray
purple nurples
screwed up plastic surgery
point shaving
pollution
pop-up ads
pot holes
quick sand
rabies
raging bulls
rats
random gun massacres
rejection by old girlfriends
religious extremism (twice)
religious intolerance
root canal work
rotting fruit
rough toilet paper
ruler-wielding nuns
runaway trains
running out of beer
Rush Limbaugh
rusty nails
salt in the nasal cavity
second hand smoke
serial killers
sexism
sexual harrassment
sharks
shattered backboards
Simon Cowell
sink holes
skinheads
Skip Bayless
snakes
Snooki
soccer hooligans
solar flares
Somalian pirates
sour milk
snowmobile accidents
big hairy spiders
huntsman spiders
little poisonous spiders
spoiled cheese
stabbing
stage fright
"Star Wars" movie being done by Disney
STDs
stepping in dog shit
stingrays
strikes
struck by a train
stuck landing gear
suffocation
supernatural
swarms of locusts
swimmer's ear
tangled in the bed sheet and suffocating when I can't sit up
tarred and feathered
tax cheats
tennis elbow
terrorist attacks
testicular cancer
Tetanus
THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT
thermonuclear war
ticks
tigers
time travel paradox
tire blowouts
tongue stuck to a cold signpost
Tonya Harding's friends
tooth rot
tornadoes
caught downloading movies from torrent
toys with choking hazards
toxic fumes in the Lincoln Tunnel
traffic accidents
traffic detours
Triffids
trucks jackknifing
tsunamis
"Twilight"
tyrannical dictators
unemployment
unjust firings
end of Unix time ticks
unsafe carnival rides
users
vindictive exes
voodoo curses
Wal-Mart greeters
watered down drinks
wardrobe malfunctions
warm beer
welfare cheats
wheels coming off while you're driving
wilding in Central Park
willy stuck in your zipper
wine turned to vinegar
witchcraft
Witch Hazel on an open cut
witch hunts
workplace favoritism
WRATH OF GOD!
writer's block
Y3K bug
yeti
zombies

[KatherineB]

As an Australian, I would like to object to the omission of drop bears from that otherwise remarkably comprehensive list.

Oh, and Cybermen. Not as an Australian, though. Just on behalf of Whovians everywhere (at least in part due to the mention of Triffids above).

[Jester]

Wait!!! Skip Bayless?? I thought I was the only one who knew Skip Bayless

You really thought that a sports junkie like me would be UNaware of Skip Bayless?

What about... bogans...hypothalamic moods...

What are bogans?
What are hypothalamic moods?

A Complete List of Everything

Um, wow. Someone was really, really bored!

But while I appreciate your industriousness, I have to say, that list is only complete until we start adding more things in the world for that kid to be fearful of. So...it's not really complete at all.

As an Australian, I would like to object to the omission of drop bears from that otherwise remarkably comprehensive list.

As an American, I'd like to justify my omission of drop bears on the basis that I haven't the foggiest idea what the hell they are. But by all means, add them and anything else you want to the list. It's not an exclusive South Beach club--we'll let everyone in!

[gerund]

What are bogans?
What are hypothalamic moods?

Bogans
Like cyclothymic moods only worse

As an American, I'd like to justify my omission of drop bears on the basis that I

Drop bears

If you like I can update the list if you think of any more.

[eltf177]

It is so wrong for management to side with customers before they've even heard the other side of the story.

I completely agree with this, to take the word of a loony you've never seen before over the word of an employee is totally unforgivable.

[veniteangeli]

getting your willy stuck in your zipper,

HA! This one they DON'T have to worry about - child in OP was female.

Of course, they could just not be telling us something, which opens up a whole 'nother can of things they have to be afraid of.

[Jester]

Bogans

Basically what we would call hicks or hillbillies. Got it.

Like cyclothymic moods only worse

Well, since cyclothymia is basically a milder form of bipolarism, you're basically talking about bipolarism. Got it.

If you like I can update the list if you think of any more.

While I have no doubt we'll think of more, I don't see an update to the list being necessary. Then again, I didn't see an all-inclusive alphabetical list of the random stuff we've been throwing out to be necessary in the first place, but that's just me. I've been wrong before. Of course, if YOU feel the need to update the list, knock yourself out.

HA! This one they DON'T have to worry about - child in OP was female.

Not necessarily. Ever think that a female may fear the screams of a guy doing this? Hey, it's no more ridiculous than a toddler being scared of a cashier!

[protege]

Guys, can we keep the political comments for Fratching?
Thanks.

[BowserKoopa1]

The thing that scares me most is something that no one here will ever think of, and that is.... having my World of Warcraft account deleted, stolen, or hacked so that some asshole can take all the armor off all my toons and sell it, and steal all my gold, other items, etc. Now some of you may think, "That's stupid, its just a dumb game." Yeah well, don't dare tell that to someone who plays it. World of Warcraft is a very big part of my life and I have invested alot of time and money into it. So of course I am always afraid someone will hack my account. THAT is 1 of my biggest fears that has not been mentioned yet
Oh and before this sparks a huge debate about how World of Warcraft is addicting and wastes peoples' lives, let me just point out that I am not like a few addicted players who will stay up all night drinking energy drinks and wolfing down on snacks. I only play 2 or 3 hours a day. Still, if something were to happen to my account, that'd be bad for me.

[Jester]

Some more things people might fear, far worse than a retail cashier:

Hacked computer accounts, identity theft, car jacking, burglary, accidental firearms discharges, failed air conditioning in summer, failed heater in winter, exploding boilers, accidentally putting something metal in a microwave, accidentally stabbing or cutting oneself while doing food prep, eating something you're allergic to without knowing it, being run over by a truck, being dragged behind a vehicle, desert blanket parties, falling into a cactus, falling into MANY cactuses/cacti, attending the University of Arizona (some people only have one option), being the only fan of Team A in a bar filled with fans of Team B, mad ninjas on the loose, political assassins with bad aim when you're near the target, waiters with open sores on their serving hand, falling down an elevator shaft, falling off a high-rise building, falling off the wagon, being run over by the wagon, being drawn and quartered, wildfires, car fires, being fired, and explosive diarrhea.

Among other things.

Guys, can we keep the political comments for Fratching?
Thanks.

There were political comments? Wow, missed it. If I said anything that could have been taken politically, it was not intentional. Just naming various things that people don't like or might fear. If it wasn't me, well then, nevermind.

[gerund]

There were political comments? Wow, missed it. If I said anything that could have been taken politically, it was not intentional. Just naming various things that people don't like or might fear. If it wasn't me, well then, nevermind.

I fear political comments too.

Some years ago I worked at a place for 8 and a bit years. The owner realised that he would have to pay me long service leave after 9 years and suddenly everything I did was wrong. I finally got the sack for giving a customer an advertising poster with the company name on it. (It was a conversion chart and useful)

I was bitter about it for some years after, but now I think that owner got what he deserved. That business is now closed and that owner is broke.

I know everybody thinks it was silly to sack someone over a SC complaint, and we are poking fun at such a thing, but we should not lose sight of the OP's story and how he must feel.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

I was told something similar once.

I lived in a duplex neighborhood where everyone had one cat. That was the rule, so most people got themselves a cat. The landlord preferred they be "outside cats" for some reason. I had mine chipped, and inoculated, so out to play he went every day.

He played with most of the cats nearby, especially "Callie," the cute calico. One Sunday, as I was doing my weekend cleaning, I noticed Callie was under my bed. Hm. She must have run inside when I went out. Later I noticed that she did this often if I didn't watch, and I'd have to get my lard ass on the floor to get her out from under my bed.

One weekend, Callie's "grandmother" knocked on my door. She asked if maybe Callie were there. I said, "let me check," and lo and behold, she was there. I handed her to the grandmother and explained what had happened the past few days. She proceeded to tell me her woes--that Callie's "Mom" worked during the day, so they "couldn't" keep her indoors. And then she said, get this: I "devastated" the little girl by "letting this happen." "You know, you devastated her," she said. I answered, "okay, well, thank you for coming, and I'll try to keep her out." That wasn't good enough, and she seemed really expectant. I wanted to say, "if you let her inside, this wouldn't happen. If you couldn't have a cat indoors, you shouldn't have one." Instead, I wished her a better day and said I had to go do something or other.

That kind of attitude is why I have three cats today--because neighbors have explicitly told me they were abandoned.

[taxguykarl]

As tax season is well underway, I have to add:

IRS audits.