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  #91  
Old 05-01-2007, 03:33 AM
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What do you get when you cross Lassie's puppy with a canteloupe?

A melon-collie baby!
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  #92  
Old 05-01-2007, 05:33 AM
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What part of Popeye never rusts?

The part he sticks in Olive Oyl.
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  #93  
Old 05-01-2007, 07:22 PM
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Quote:
Quoth MadMike View Post
What part of Popeye never rusts?

The part he sticks in Olive Oyl.
That's just so wrong.....Again you need warnings
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  #94  
Old 05-01-2007, 08:36 PM
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Q: What happened when Napoleon went to mount Olive?
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A: Popeye got pissed!
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Moles
  #95  
Old 05-02-2007, 02:02 AM
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Default Moles

Moles

Moles (groan)
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby
Mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks
His head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell
Maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and
Says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air,
But can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says,


"Crumb, all I can smell is....

Scroll down.......

Get ready.....
Are you sure you're ready?
You may never forgive me for this one...
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MOLEASSES!
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Rolling Stones
  #96  
Old 05-02-2007, 02:04 AM
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Default Rolling Stones

Rolling Stones

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotchman?


The Rolling stones sing "Hey You Get Off of My Cloud" and a Scotchman sings- "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe".
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True Groaners
  #97  
Old 05-03-2007, 09:06 PM
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Default True Groaners

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three year old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.

The professor discovered that her theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

With each marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

A plateau is high form of flattery.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

There was a person who sent 20 different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least 10 of them would make them laugh. No pun in 10 did.
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  #98  
Old 05-04-2007, 09:40 AM
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Apparently it's genuinely Star Wars day.

May the Fourth be with you.

Rapscallion

  #99  
Old 05-04-2007, 02:34 PM
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How was copper wire invented?

Two Scotsmen fought over a penny.

(Hides from angry kilt wearers)
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  #100  
Old 05-17-2007, 04:36 PM
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Doughboy
Sad news... Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment industry.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
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