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  #101  
Old 05-17-2007, 09:51 PM
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Quote:
Quoth DarthRetard View Post
1. There's two muffins sitting in an oven. One looks at the other, says "Hey, it's getting warm in here! The other one looks right at him and screams "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
My two best friends were sitting in the car while we were waiting for our turn at the drive-through. So S starts telling this joke... but as soon as he says "it's getting warm in here...", T blurts out "But muffins can't talk!" and ruined the punch line I just about died laughing and they kicked me out of the car
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  #102  
Old 05-22-2007, 03:44 AM
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Girl Potato and Boy Potato


Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally
they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called
'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they
told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and
getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad
name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater
Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make
a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay
home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise
so as to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch
out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland . . . And the greasy guys
from France called the French Fries .

. .And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she
wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and
narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or
the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on
all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho PU. (that's Potato University) so
that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just........................

Are you ready for this?......................





Are you sure?............................





OK! Here it is!............................





A COMMON TATER !
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  #103  
Old 05-26-2007, 05:45 AM
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Q. What did the zombie say to the pretty girl in the bar one night?


A. Baby, I'd like to fork your brains out.




I'm sorry, George Romero...
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  #104  
Old 06-02-2007, 07:22 PM
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Yo momma is so fat she entered a fat contest and won first, second and third place!

*runs away*
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  #105  
Old 06-03-2007, 08:16 PM
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Yo momma so ugly her psychiatrist makes her lie on the couch face down!
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  #106  
Old 06-03-2007, 09:30 PM
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What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.


What do you call a Frenchman with a car on is head?
Jaques.
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  #107  
Old 06-04-2007, 09:02 PM
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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff!
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  #108  
Old 06-07-2007, 07:00 PM
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Q: What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

A: He got pissed off.
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  #109  
Old 06-15-2007, 02:48 PM
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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

I want to take Gingko Biloba to improve my memory, but I always forget to take the pills.

  #110  
Old 06-17-2007, 04:51 PM
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Land! Land! cried the King! The Queen gave him a kick in the nuts and he got 2 achers.
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