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Our suckiest customers by far are the ones who don't pay their bills for two months then get angry when we have the audacity to suspend their services. I had one such call today.
(skipping the intro stuff)
Me: It shows you have been suspended due to delinquency. Would you like to make a payment now?
SC: No, I'll make a payment on Friday.
Me: Unfortunately only the billing department can handle promise-to-pays. They will be open at 8 AM EST.
SC: No, I want to make a P2P.
Me: Unfortunately the repair department cannot handle that.
SC: Not true! I do it all the time.
Me: Yes, with the billing department, which is not open now.
SC: Nu uh. I do it all the time!
Me: Okay, let me look at your notes. Let's see... 4/15, made payment, 3/21, made payment, 2/12, made payment, 1/16, made payment, 1/12, made P2P at 4pm EST, 12/21, made payment, -
SC: And what is the point of reading me all of that? And I called in a few days ago and told someone I was in the hospital and had a heart attack and would be paying on Friday.
Me: Hmm, it shows that no one has accessed your account since 4/15.
SC: *sputter, sputter* Do you have a supervisor?
Me: Just a moment!
(skipping the intro stuff)
Me: It shows you have been suspended due to delinquency. Would you like to make a payment now?
SC: No, I'll make a payment on Friday.
Me: Unfortunately only the billing department can handle promise-to-pays. They will be open at 8 AM EST.
SC: No, I want to make a P2P.
Me: Unfortunately the repair department cannot handle that.
SC: Not true! I do it all the time.
Me: Yes, with the billing department, which is not open now.
SC: Nu uh. I do it all the time!
Me: Okay, let me look at your notes. Let's see... 4/15, made payment, 3/21, made payment, 2/12, made payment, 1/16, made payment, 1/12, made P2P at 4pm EST, 12/21, made payment, -
SC: And what is the point of reading me all of that? And I called in a few days ago and told someone I was in the hospital and had a heart attack and would be paying on Friday.
Me: Hmm, it shows that no one has accessed your account since 4/15.
SC: *sputter, sputter* Do you have a supervisor?
Me: Just a moment!