Tales of the Not Pharmacy.

[KnittedPuppy]

I'm not sure how to introduce this, I have several.. incidents? Encounters? Dealings with odd people? To type, but I'll start with a bit of background.

I work in a medium sized independent store that sells all sorts of things. Gifts, cards, household cleaning products, beauty products, perfumes, bathing things, hair dyes etc.

1: This one happened today, I'm pricing and putting out some fin foil. A woman, I'd say in her 60's comes up to me grinning, gets hold of my arm and starts telling me about how she thought for a moment that the foil I was putting out looked like large boxes of tooth paste. This in itself wouldn't be too bad (though I really hate people touching me), but when she grabbed my arm it was held up against my chest, so in order to get her fingers around my arm she had to brush her fingers over my breast, and honestly not in any small amount.

I think it was an accident, but it was obvious it had happened. But she didn't apologize or anything. She also wouldn't let go of my arm even when I asked her to, I had to pull it of her hand, and she was so close I was practically climbing up the shelving to get away. When she eventually did finish and move off, she went to grab my arm again! Honestly she had no clue about reading people.

2. This happened about a week ago. A woman, I'd say in her 70's comes in with a perfume she says she got from us 3 months ago, the plunger is sticking when she tries to spray it and she'd like us to give her a refund or exchange it. She has no receipt, she doesn't even have half of the perfume for that matter! She had used a good 2 thirds of the perfume, and then and only then decided "You know, I'd fed up with this sticking, I'll take it back".

She's not happy that I can't just give her her money back or offer an exchange without getting a senior member of staff because she "comes here all the time etc". The senior staff member comes, she tries the perfume, it sprays just fine, I try it, it's fine, the manager comes by and tries it, it's still fine. And yet the woman is still not happy and we have to do something! The manager goes and gives her 20% another perfume as a goodwill gesture. The customer accepts this, but has she leaves mutters "I'm not happy about this".

I'll add more when I remember them

[eltf177]

I would have slapped the first one for what she did...

The second one had no case, giving her 20% off another bottle just feeds an SC's desire for more. Darn right she wasn't happy, she wanted another full bottle for free!

[KnittedPuppy]

I would have slapped the first one for what she did...

If only I could get away with that lol, well not slapping people. But just being able to call people out on their behavior would make dealing with customers so much easier for everyone. I have to admit, I did go into rabbit caught in the headlights mode. Something about when someone has a hold on me and I can't easily get them off just sets me on edge.

The second one had no case, giving her 20% off another bottle just feeds an SC's desire for more. Darn right she wasn't happy, she wanted another full bottle for free!

I totally agree, I'm all for trying to accommodate people where possible, but this was taking the micky. The problem is people have been spoilt for so long with getting things they really have no right to, the only way to get rid of them is to give in even more. Which then just reinforces their view they can have whatever they want if they make enough noise.

[Monterey Jack]

Any customer who grabs you and won't let go even if you specifically ask them to is technically committing assault, and can legally be arrested for that. Next customer who gets in your face and tries that should be LOUDLY reminded of this if they don't let go the instant you ask them to.

[RootedPhoenix]

I cannot read people, but even I know not to grab anyone in the course of normal interaction.

[WishfulSpirit]

A good piercing scream is a good way to get people to let go. If they object you say "you startled me when you grabbed me."

[KnittedPuppy]

Any customer who grabs you and won't let go even if you specifically ask them to is technically committing assault, and can legally be arrested for that. Next customer who gets in your face and tries that should be LOUDLY reminded of this if they don't let go the instant you ask them to.

If I weren't such a coward I'd love to that. I think I'd end up getting the telling off though. There are only a couple of instances where I've ever actually managed to tell someone off when they've touched me in a way that was really inappropriate.

One was when I had my arm up, pointing this "gentleman" in the direction of some product, and he decided to poke the side of breast under my arm. I quickly lowered my arm, glared and said loudly but firmly "DON'T". He mumbled some apology and wandered out of the store.

The other time a woman had accidentally hit me with her walking stick, didn't hurt at all. But as she was saying she was sorry, she put her arm almost around my waist, so her hand came to rest on my side of my bottom. I managed to say "It's fine, it was an accident. Now get your hand OFF my backside please." She just looked shocked as I then quickly turned and walked off.

I don't know why it was on these two times I managed to stand up for myself, but most of the time I just freeze.

A good piercing scream is a good way to get people to let go. If they object you say "you startled me when you grabbed me."

The look on their faces would be priceless, my scream is pretty high pitched

[Seshat]

I've got a classic good news/bad news for you.

The bad news: that trait ('I just freeze') is one of the traits bullies (and worse) look for in selecting their victims.

The good news: you can train it out of yourself.


The most important part is to learn not to be worried about making a scene. Talk it over with friends - heck, talk it over with us. Have a plan for what to do if your boss objects to the 'scene'.

Bullies and criminals HATE a scene. Especially a scene where their victim is clearly the one on the defensive. So the most basic scene is going to be you with your hands in a defensive position, saying 'NO!' in a very assertive, but not aggressive - and not scared - manner.

(Everyone who's read 'The Gift of Fear' is about to recognise this.)


Get a friend to help you, acting as the aggressor. At first, just have him/her take an aggressive step towards you. Put your arms up in front of you, as if you're about to fend him off, and say 'No'. Just in the same tone of voice you'd use to tell a cat not to jump on a bench, or a dog not to roll in a mud puddle.

Don't go to the next stage until you can keep your tone firm and your arms in position for three attempts of the current stage.

Take small, baby steps: your stages might be
* have the friend come closer,
* have the friend touch you,
* have the friend touch you inappropriately (if you feel safe doing so!).

At each stage, put your arms up between you and the friend, even if you have to touch his chest to do so, and say 'No!'
Try to keep the tone firm, not shakey, not harsh/aggressive. If you can practice somewhere where volume won't be a problem, get loud.

Once you have that exercise correct, it's time to look at footwork.
Practice getting your feet firmly on the ground, your balance even, your knees relaxed but not quite bent, and your weight on the balls of your feet but your heels just slightly touching the ground. Your feet should be shoulder width apart.

Next, practice getting into that position within a single step from many different starting points.

Finally, combine that position with the 'No!' exercise.


There's a reason for the body position. Two, actually.
Firstly, it's visually a defensive posture. That, plus the fact that you're saying 'NO!', signals to everyone who sees the scene that you're the victim.
Secondly, from that posture, you can push your attacker backwards and then RUN.

If you're ever attacked by someone who persists after the 'No', that's what you do. You run towards lightsandpeople. (Note: never 'run away'. Always 'run towards'. Run for lights and people.)

[Gilhelmi]

snip
(Everyone who's read 'The Gift of Fear' is about to recognise this.)

Woohoo, another person who has read that book.

It is a well written book, I recommend it to everyone.

[raudf]

Is it really that hard to move into line of sight, say "Excuse me," or even just tap on the shoulder and say "Excuse me,"? Apparently, their parents never taught them not to grab onto arms and yank or they just never out grew it. (I'm trying to break my youngest of this, as well as saying, "Hey!" to get someone's attention. Ugh!)

This falls into my pet peeve, along with people wanting to rub the belly of pregnant women and the heads of bald men. No. Just NO.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Is it really that hard to move into line of sight, say "Excuse me," or even just tap on the shoulder and say "Excuse me,"? Apparently, their parents never taught them not to grab onto arms and yank or they just never out grew it. (I'm trying to break my youngest of this, as well as saying, "Hey!" to get someone's attention. Ugh!)

This falls into my pet peeve, along with people wanting to rub the belly of pregnant women and the heads of bald men. No. Just NO.

That and whistling to get someone's attention. Really? You weren't taught any better than that?

And no, my name ain't "Girl" or even worse "Young Lady." And don't whistle - I'm not a dog and my name ain't Lassie.

You will be summarily ignored until you can use a more acceptable approach.

[WishfulSpirit]

Probably wouldn't be a good idea to try in a place of employment, but I've heard that for cat-callers who whistle at you, a good response is to bark at them. Loudly. And repeatedly.

[otakuneko]

Maybe people think KnittedPuppy really is a puppy? They keep trying to pet her.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Maybe people think KnittedPuppy really is a puppy? They keep trying to pet her.

In which case, KnittedPuppy may want to make sure her rabies shots are updated. Wouldn't want to pick up anything from strays, would we?