I know what you're thinking. "Jester, don't do it....they have a rule about not posting Michael Jackson jokes!" Why yes, yes they do. And I have a ton of Michael Jackson jokes.
And this is NOT where you are going to see them.
But as I've been cleaning my place in preparation for Nurse Betty's visit, I came across some scribblings of mine from last summer's Olympics. These are jokes I thought of that are not making fun of anyone who's dead, who are not even making fun of anyone at all. So I shall post them here for my own amusement, and hopefully yours, and I encourage y'all to chime in with any jokes you may have of LIVING celebrities, fun jokes, nothing mean and nasty--unless it really is funny.
Now in my case, the scribbling I found were done at work after we had witnessed the unbelievable speed of Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter. This dude is not just fast....he is blindingly fast. Usually when runners set records, the guy who comes in second is really close behind him. Bolt was so far ahead of the second place guy he sometimes looked like he was coasting at the end. Sprinters. Don't. Coast. Yeah, this guy's fast.
So, here are my Usain Bolt jokes.
How Fast is Usain Bolt?
He's so fast, Michael Phelps thinks he's fast!
He's so fast, the cheetahs in the stands were impressed!
He's so fast, NASCAR fined him for cheating!
He's so fast, the NHRA (National Hot Rod Association) wants him to compete....as both a driver and a car!
He's so fast, when he was playing football he ran back a kickoff for a touchdown before it was even kicked off!
He's so fast, the car Greased Lightning from the movie "Grease" was floored!
He's so fast that K.I.T.T. (the car from Knight Rider) couldn't keep up...even with turbo boost!
He's so fast, he replaced Sonic the Hedgehog in Sonic's own game!
He's so fast, he lapped himself!
He didn't break the sound barrier....he shattered it!
Chuck Yeager said, "What the hell was that!?!?"
Usain Bolt does NOT run like a gazelle....gazelles run like him!
He's so fast, he got a ticket on the Autobahn....without a car!
He's faster than a guy fleeing commitment!
He runs faster than Tara Reid can spread her legs!
He's faster than Britney Spears breaking out of rehab!
He runs faster than Florida can fuck up an election!
And this is NOT where you are going to see them.
But as I've been cleaning my place in preparation for Nurse Betty's visit, I came across some scribblings of mine from last summer's Olympics. These are jokes I thought of that are not making fun of anyone who's dead, who are not even making fun of anyone at all. So I shall post them here for my own amusement, and hopefully yours, and I encourage y'all to chime in with any jokes you may have of LIVING celebrities, fun jokes, nothing mean and nasty--unless it really is funny.
Now in my case, the scribbling I found were done at work after we had witnessed the unbelievable speed of Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter. This dude is not just fast....he is blindingly fast. Usually when runners set records, the guy who comes in second is really close behind him. Bolt was so far ahead of the second place guy he sometimes looked like he was coasting at the end. Sprinters. Don't. Coast. Yeah, this guy's fast.
So, here are my Usain Bolt jokes.
How Fast is Usain Bolt?
He's so fast, Michael Phelps thinks he's fast!
He's so fast, the cheetahs in the stands were impressed!
He's so fast, NASCAR fined him for cheating!
He's so fast, the NHRA (National Hot Rod Association) wants him to compete....as both a driver and a car!
He's so fast, when he was playing football he ran back a kickoff for a touchdown before it was even kicked off!
He's so fast, the car Greased Lightning from the movie "Grease" was floored!
He's so fast that K.I.T.T. (the car from Knight Rider) couldn't keep up...even with turbo boost!
He's so fast, he replaced Sonic the Hedgehog in Sonic's own game!
He's so fast, he lapped himself!
He didn't break the sound barrier....he shattered it!
Chuck Yeager said, "What the hell was that!?!?"
Usain Bolt does NOT run like a gazelle....gazelles run like him!
He's so fast, he got a ticket on the Autobahn....without a car!
He's faster than a guy fleeing commitment!
He runs faster than Tara Reid can spread her legs!
He's faster than Britney Spears breaking out of rehab!
He runs faster than Florida can fuck up an election!
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