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The few entries from what turned out to be a relatively quiet weekend at work.
Thought Processes
Me: “Ok, and what style would you like it in?”
SC: “Um….ham….ham.......ham moonie?”
Me: “…Harmony?”
SC: “Yeah.”
You know, that was actually rather fascinating. I could actually reverse engineering your entire thought process based on this one simple exchange. Allow me to elaborate and present the entire thought process of the caller step by step:
“Omigawd, PANTS. I’m getting pants! Pants! Seriously, YAY FOR PANTS! Oh, oh, wait, the phone is talking….talking….size? Size….size….ah ha! 28! I’ll tell them 28! There, I told the phone 28! ……the phone is asking something again….style? What style do I want? Style…..uh….I want….oh that picture is pretty. I want that one. What’s it called? Ha….ha…..har….ham….I can’t read it! The word is too big! Brain hurt! Ok, ok….deep breaths. I can do this. I’m a big girl now. I dressed myself this morning! Deep breaths. Word too big….break it down. Make it smaller. If I break it into lots of small words I can read it! Let’s see……ha….har….harm…..ham….HAM! OH GOD YES HAM! I love ham. Ham is awesome. I wonder if we have any ham? I hope we have ham. Oh boy, ham. If I could have some ham right now that’d be so sweet. God I love ham. I’d rub it all over my chest and-FOCUS! Focus! Need the pants first. Pants first. Ham later. Mhmm…ham. Pants! Ok, ok. So it’s ham first….then….mo…mone…mone….moone….moonie! HAM MOONIE! Tell the phone ham moonie! Quick! The phone is saying something….it’s a big word. Oh God I don’t know what that word was. Just say yes, just say yes. Tell the phone yes. Pants!”
….ok, actually, I’m not sure if that’s a disturbing glimpse into the way their mind works or the way my mind works.
Sigh
Me:“Alright, I’ll have the On call call you back”
SC: “Great. What was your name?”
Me: “<My name which does start with an M but certainly has no K, U or second M in it.>”
SC: “Mikum?”
Me: “No, it's Mi-“
SC: “Thanks, Mikum! <click>”
Is there no end to the indignities I must endure?
Security Check In
On Duty Guard: “I’m going on patrol till midnight.”
Considering it’s currently 2am, that’s a rather impressive mission statement. But unless your patrol car is a Delorean I’m not quite sure how you’re going to pull it off. Unless you mean midnight tomorrow? In which case I guess I must applaud your dedication. Sadly, I won’t here this evening when you finally return. But don’t worry, I’ll instruct <co-worker> to prepare an appropriate welcome back gift for you. Perhaps a nice little gift basket with the bath beads and those funny little cheese wedges that no one likes. You know, the ones that come in the red plastic wheel.
Behold my Talent
Me: “Ok, and your phone number please?”
SC: “What? Can’t you do ANYTHING?”
I can do many things. My talents are vast and astounding. However, extracting your personal information from the surface of your mind using formidable psionic powers over a telephone line is not one of them. Regardless of the wide spread mistaken belief of our callers.
I’ll tell you what I can do though. I can hang up on you for being a cankerous buttcrack and then spent the next 10 minutes mentally dangling you crotch first above the piranha exhibit at Sea World with a beef jerky cockring on.
On you that is. Not me. I try not to wander around in public with cockrings on. They chaff.
Wasting Time
SC: “I think it’s ridiculous that I have to call the police for this! Why don't you have security guards?!”
I think it’s ridiculous that you’d rather argue with me for 5-10 minutes over something that’s not going to change ( IE: My answer to your inquiry. ) rather than taking the 20 seconds to call the police yourself. Oh, you also vowed to call the office on Tuesday to complain about the injustice that is me not taking responsibility for you and calling the police for you on the bad bad men outside.
Best part of all? You’re not even a tenant of <client, a property management company>. You’re just some jar squatting butter walrus from next door. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to hear what you think of their afterhours policies. In fact, tell them I said hi. Mention me specifically by name if you can. I could use the client feedback about how I dared to follow their instructions to the letter even in the face of frothing adversity.
867
SC: “Uh….I wanna place an order?”
Me: “Ok, can I have your name please?”
SC: “….uh……um……I wanna place an order.”
Me: “…yes, but can I have your name please?”
SC: “Uh….<same name as me>.”
Right, I’ll be legally changing mine then. I’m not entirely sure what I should change it too…….oh right. Mikum. There we go.
What?
Overheard whilst walking to work this evening:
"JUST LEAVE US ALONE AND LET US PLAY WITH OUR DELICIOUS DICKS!"
Keep walking. Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact.....there are some questions I don't want to know the answers too no matter how loud.
and now I rest... -.-
Thought Processes
Me: “Ok, and what style would you like it in?”
SC: “Um….ham….ham.......ham moonie?”
Me: “…Harmony?”
SC: “Yeah.”
You know, that was actually rather fascinating. I could actually reverse engineering your entire thought process based on this one simple exchange. Allow me to elaborate and present the entire thought process of the caller step by step:
“Omigawd, PANTS. I’m getting pants! Pants! Seriously, YAY FOR PANTS! Oh, oh, wait, the phone is talking….talking….size? Size….size….ah ha! 28! I’ll tell them 28! There, I told the phone 28! ……the phone is asking something again….style? What style do I want? Style…..uh….I want….oh that picture is pretty. I want that one. What’s it called? Ha….ha…..har….ham….I can’t read it! The word is too big! Brain hurt! Ok, ok….deep breaths. I can do this. I’m a big girl now. I dressed myself this morning! Deep breaths. Word too big….break it down. Make it smaller. If I break it into lots of small words I can read it! Let’s see……ha….har….harm…..ham….HAM! OH GOD YES HAM! I love ham. Ham is awesome. I wonder if we have any ham? I hope we have ham. Oh boy, ham. If I could have some ham right now that’d be so sweet. God I love ham. I’d rub it all over my chest and-FOCUS! Focus! Need the pants first. Pants first. Ham later. Mhmm…ham. Pants! Ok, ok. So it’s ham first….then….mo…mone…mone….moone….moonie! HAM MOONIE! Tell the phone ham moonie! Quick! The phone is saying something….it’s a big word. Oh God I don’t know what that word was. Just say yes, just say yes. Tell the phone yes. Pants!”
….ok, actually, I’m not sure if that’s a disturbing glimpse into the way their mind works or the way my mind works.
Sigh
Me:“Alright, I’ll have the On call call you back”
SC: “Great. What was your name?”
Me: “<My name which does start with an M but certainly has no K, U or second M in it.>”
SC: “Mikum?”
Me: “No, it's Mi-“
SC: “Thanks, Mikum! <click>”
Is there no end to the indignities I must endure?
Security Check In
On Duty Guard: “I’m going on patrol till midnight.”
Considering it’s currently 2am, that’s a rather impressive mission statement. But unless your patrol car is a Delorean I’m not quite sure how you’re going to pull it off. Unless you mean midnight tomorrow? In which case I guess I must applaud your dedication. Sadly, I won’t here this evening when you finally return. But don’t worry, I’ll instruct <co-worker> to prepare an appropriate welcome back gift for you. Perhaps a nice little gift basket with the bath beads and those funny little cheese wedges that no one likes. You know, the ones that come in the red plastic wheel.
Behold my Talent
Me: “Ok, and your phone number please?”
SC: “What? Can’t you do ANYTHING?”
I can do many things. My talents are vast and astounding. However, extracting your personal information from the surface of your mind using formidable psionic powers over a telephone line is not one of them. Regardless of the wide spread mistaken belief of our callers.
I’ll tell you what I can do though. I can hang up on you for being a cankerous buttcrack and then spent the next 10 minutes mentally dangling you crotch first above the piranha exhibit at Sea World with a beef jerky cockring on.
On you that is. Not me. I try not to wander around in public with cockrings on. They chaff.
Wasting Time
SC: “I think it’s ridiculous that I have to call the police for this! Why don't you have security guards?!”
I think it’s ridiculous that you’d rather argue with me for 5-10 minutes over something that’s not going to change ( IE: My answer to your inquiry. ) rather than taking the 20 seconds to call the police yourself. Oh, you also vowed to call the office on Tuesday to complain about the injustice that is me not taking responsibility for you and calling the police for you on the bad bad men outside.
Best part of all? You’re not even a tenant of <client, a property management company>. You’re just some jar squatting butter walrus from next door. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to hear what you think of their afterhours policies. In fact, tell them I said hi. Mention me specifically by name if you can. I could use the client feedback about how I dared to follow their instructions to the letter even in the face of frothing adversity.
867
SC: “Uh….I wanna place an order?”
Me: “Ok, can I have your name please?”
SC: “….uh……um……I wanna place an order.”
Me: “…yes, but can I have your name please?”
SC: “Uh….<same name as me>.”
Right, I’ll be legally changing mine then. I’m not entirely sure what I should change it too…….oh right. Mikum. There we go.
What?
Overheard whilst walking to work this evening:
"JUST LEAVE US ALONE AND LET US PLAY WITH OUR DELICIOUS DICKS!"
Keep walking. Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact.....there are some questions I don't want to know the answers too no matter how loud.
and now I rest... -.-
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