Gimme Gimme Gimme!

[aurelemsrealm]

A couple of gems from last night.

Ow, my brain

I felt my IQ drop several points after dealing with this guy. He was the typical chav, but I had never encountered someone so stupid!


Chav: *reads off menu* What's a....mix...er?
Me: A mixer?
Chav: Yes, it says drinks come with a...free...mix...er, whats a mix...er?
Me: Well, a mixer is something that you can mix with your spirits. So if you were to buy a shot of vodka, you could get a free dash of lemonade, coke, tonic, pineapple juice...
Chav: Red bull?
Me: Unfortunately red bull is not included in the deal.
Chav: Can I have a double vodka red bull with a free mixer?
Me: Um...OK, but the red bull isn't free you know.
Chav: It says free mix...er!
Me: Yes but it also tells you which ones are free, and red bull isn't.
Chav: Fine then! I'll have a vodka coke and a steak!
Me: OK, what kind of steak would you like and how would you like it cooked?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK, rump? Sirloin? Gammon? Rib Eye?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK *hits the rump button because its the cheapest and this guy obviously can't afford much better* How would you like it cooked?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK, *hits medium button* Peas or salad?
Chav: Can't you just give me a steak?
Me: OK. *I hit random buttons and decide for him* OK, that will be £XX.XX.
Chav: *pays*
Me: Ok, your meal..
Chav: Where is it?
Me: What?
Chav: Steak!
Me: Well, they need to cook it you know.
Chav: You mean I have to wait!!

He walked away. I felt ill.

Gimme Gimme Gimme

A customer came up to the bar. He was a regular, I recognised him. He was quite a respectable man as well.

Me: Hey, what can I get you mate?
SC: Well, I was actually wondering what you could get me!
Me: OK...
SC: I'm actually wondering if you have any alcohol you don't want, or don't sell a lot of.
Me: Not as far as I know.
SC: Nothing that's out of date?
Me: No, nothing I'm afraid.
SC: Nothing??
Me: Nothing.
SC: Nothing you don't sell a lot of? Bottles of spirits that have been lying around for a while? You're telling me you have NOTHING?
Me: YES, that is exactly what I'm telling you!
SC: What am I supposed to do?
Me: *I was annoyed* How about BUYING some alcohol.
SC: But I came here hoping you would help me out!
Me: I'm sorry, but if we did have any alcohol lying around that we didn't want, I can absolutely guarantee you that the staff would get their hands on it long before a customer.
SC: Tut! I figured that!

He stormed off.

Steak guy just gives me an image of a caveman formulating the first real spoken word. The only difference is that the caveman's inability to think beyond one word would be understandable. As for steak guy, that's okay, you just continue to drag your knuckles and clutch your club. There are plenty of other humans to do the thinking for you.

As for the alcoholic, you should have given him a bottle of vinegar and told him it was outdated wine.

[Starlord]

Number 1, What is a chav?
Number 2, Don't you often wish that stupidity were painful?

[Starlord]

Steak steak steak
Okay, oak or ash?

I have a bottle of Aberlour Scots whisky that is about 3 years old, and it just keeps getting mellower.

[Noelegy]

Chavs

Guy's a chav. Chavs rarely work

More to the point, chavs are famous for not rating real food unless in the hospital or jail, and if they have to prepare food for themselves then they tend to go for pre-prepared sandwiches, cans of cheap lager, or pot noodles.

Fortunately, they're slowly killing themselves. Unfortunately, it's too slowly.

Rapscallion

A bit off the original topic, but I find the whole "chav" controversy really interesting from the POV of an American. One time while click-surfing from point to point without much of an agenda, I looked up "chav" on Wikipedia and followed some of the related links, including an article in the UK Guardian called something like "Now we have our own 'white trash'" and read all the comments following.

I don't know if it was someone taking the piss [drawing from my small store of Britslang] but one of the comments was from someone who claimed to be named Kevin, 17 years old, living in a council flat, and he hit every stereotype right on the head. Claimed that his girlfriend had a baby that was "2 or 3" years old and that even though all three of them were on the dole, it was nobody's business what they looked or sounded or dressed or acted like. In other words, pay my way and leave me alone!

There was also a lot of debate about chavs as opposed to working-class (which I think of as similar to our "white trash" vs. "redneck" classes...rednecks are usually pretty hard workers, even if it's not for a paycheck) as well as debate over the origins of the word itself.

Finally, I found it sort of hilarious that Burberry has quietly phased out the use of its famous plaid, perhaps as a direct response to it being so popular with chavs.

[Noelegy]

Number 1, What is a chav?
Number 2, Don't you often wish that stupidity were painful?

1) Google "chav" or look it up on Wikipedia. That'll tell you everything you need to know.

2) It is. Unfortunately, not to the stupid.

[Tria]

As for the alcoholic, you should have given him a bottle of vinegar and told him it was outdated wine.

Oh, you went there.... Hehe

[Rapscallion]

For those interested in the subculture of Chavdom, try http://www.chavscum.co.uk/ for more details. They hate them even more than I do.

I went to the Isle of Man a couple of years ago and there was a darts competition over there. I had the dubious pleasure of being on the ship of chavs. Card schools were in evidence on every table, and chavlings hung around chavgrans as they smoked outside on the desk, hoping for a quick puff of a prematurely discarded cig butt.

Rapscallion

[allniter]

Me: I'm sorry, but if we did have any alcohol lying around that we didn't want, I can absolutely guarantee you that the staff would get their hands on it long before a customer.

Best Answer you could've given. Shows the customer's not always #1 when they choose to be asses about it.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Well, after reading those stories, I feel the need to buy a whole pallet of Advil/Tylenol/whatever to keep on hand. I hope my brain recovers.

If it doesn't, we'll ask Gravekeeper to give the eulogy at the funeral.