You are an SC if:
- You think that paying your bill and not asking for a discount/free phone/gratuitous credit except for this 1 time makes you a good customer.
- You claim it was not your fault that you dropped your phone, ran it over, backed over it, went over it with a lawnmower, set it on fire, and urinated on the ashes.
- It was also not your fault that you let someone else borrow your phone and they broke it.
- And it was entirely not your fault that you lost your phone, then called in 2 days later pissed off because someone found it not 3 minutes later and made hundreds of calls to Algeria (it's a guarantee in life. Anyone who finds your phone knows someone on the other side of the planet). When you are asked why you didn't call in when you knew it was missing, you defend yourself by saying that you wanted to keep it open so you could try calling it and ask whoever has it to give it back. But they never answered your call because they've been too busy calling cousin Balki.
- You scream that the ridiculous amount of download/text message/IM charges on your kid's phone are wrong because you asked your sweet, innocent, perfect little angel and they told you they didn't do it even though your bill shows the time/date each and every instance occurred and the messages are all to their friend's numbers and the downloads are all his/her favorite songs.
- You tell me that, in order to avoid renewing a contract with me (your provider who has taken care of your every need for the last X years,), you will go to another provider who can't give you what I can and you know next to nothing about and sign a contract with them unless I give you the phone with no contract.
- You get mad about being suspended for not paying your bill. Even though you consistently pay every single bill late.
- You bitch about the fee for making a payment with a rep, even though we make you aware of the numerous free payment options, even offering to transfer you to the automated payment system so it can take care of that without the fee.
- You will also go to another provider if you refuse to make a payment by any means other than with a live rep, even though all providers charge payment processing fees.
- You think being without service for 2 hours entitles you to an entire month of free service.
- You are mad that you don't get service when you go visit grandma-ma, who lives miles and miles from any known civilized location.
- You move to China.
- You make a comment about how you defecated in your pants when you saw your bill. When I say, "I do see the bill this month is $XXX.XX," you say. "HUUUUURGH! There it went again!"
- Yes, a guy actually said that once.
- You pronounce the word "phone" as "foon." I have no idea what kind of accent this is, it's all over the US, but I want to shove my pen through my eye and into my brain every time I hear it.
- You accuse me of not "standing behind my products" when your ancient phone stops working after 4 years and I can replace it because the warranty is long since deceased.
- You use the words "you people," or "your company."
- You hit on me. You don't know where/who I am. You're also seriously barking up the wrong tree, guy (I'm taken and my girl is hotter than yours). Trying to sweet talk me not only will get you nowhere, but also gives me a +10 bonus to Hatred.
- Asking for my supervisor, then when she/he comes on the line starting with "First of all, that girl was very rude and wouldn't help me at all..."
- You accuse me of not knowing what "customer service" is. This includes saying I need to be retrained, you can't believe they let someone like me be in a job that's supposed to help people, my customer service is terrible, I am the most unhelpful rep you've ever talked to, my customer service sucks, and/or it's a shame that someone as horrible as me is allowed to call myself a customer service rep. Any one of these, or any combination of them, is used to describe your displeasure with the fact that I wouldn't give you a free phone with no contract, thousands of minutes for $10 a month, 2 years of free service, unlimited free shipping, a new car, pay off your mortgage, hand deliver your phone on a gilded pillow and then give you a lapdance, and give you my personal cell # so you can summon me at will to do your bidding. That's not "customer service," that's you being a self-serving, unreasonable, entitlement-demanding, asshat.
- You think that paying your bill and not asking for a discount/free phone/gratuitous credit except for this 1 time makes you a good customer.
- You claim it was not your fault that you dropped your phone, ran it over, backed over it, went over it with a lawnmower, set it on fire, and urinated on the ashes.
- It was also not your fault that you let someone else borrow your phone and they broke it.
- And it was entirely not your fault that you lost your phone, then called in 2 days later pissed off because someone found it not 3 minutes later and made hundreds of calls to Algeria (it's a guarantee in life. Anyone who finds your phone knows someone on the other side of the planet). When you are asked why you didn't call in when you knew it was missing, you defend yourself by saying that you wanted to keep it open so you could try calling it and ask whoever has it to give it back. But they never answered your call because they've been too busy calling cousin Balki.
- You scream that the ridiculous amount of download/text message/IM charges on your kid's phone are wrong because you asked your sweet, innocent, perfect little angel and they told you they didn't do it even though your bill shows the time/date each and every instance occurred and the messages are all to their friend's numbers and the downloads are all his/her favorite songs.
- You tell me that, in order to avoid renewing a contract with me (your provider who has taken care of your every need for the last X years,), you will go to another provider who can't give you what I can and you know next to nothing about and sign a contract with them unless I give you the phone with no contract.
- You get mad about being suspended for not paying your bill. Even though you consistently pay every single bill late.
- You bitch about the fee for making a payment with a rep, even though we make you aware of the numerous free payment options, even offering to transfer you to the automated payment system so it can take care of that without the fee.
- You will also go to another provider if you refuse to make a payment by any means other than with a live rep, even though all providers charge payment processing fees.
- You think being without service for 2 hours entitles you to an entire month of free service.
- You are mad that you don't get service when you go visit grandma-ma, who lives miles and miles from any known civilized location.
- You move to China.
- You make a comment about how you defecated in your pants when you saw your bill. When I say, "I do see the bill this month is $XXX.XX," you say. "HUUUUURGH! There it went again!"
- Yes, a guy actually said that once.
- You pronounce the word "phone" as "foon." I have no idea what kind of accent this is, it's all over the US, but I want to shove my pen through my eye and into my brain every time I hear it.
- You accuse me of not "standing behind my products" when your ancient phone stops working after 4 years and I can replace it because the warranty is long since deceased.
- You use the words "you people," or "your company."
- You hit on me. You don't know where/who I am. You're also seriously barking up the wrong tree, guy (I'm taken and my girl is hotter than yours). Trying to sweet talk me not only will get you nowhere, but also gives me a +10 bonus to Hatred.
- Asking for my supervisor, then when she/he comes on the line starting with "First of all, that girl was very rude and wouldn't help me at all..."
- You accuse me of not knowing what "customer service" is. This includes saying I need to be retrained, you can't believe they let someone like me be in a job that's supposed to help people, my customer service is terrible, I am the most unhelpful rep you've ever talked to, my customer service sucks, and/or it's a shame that someone as horrible as me is allowed to call myself a customer service rep. Any one of these, or any combination of them, is used to describe your displeasure with the fact that I wouldn't give you a free phone with no contract, thousands of minutes for $10 a month, 2 years of free service, unlimited free shipping, a new car, pay off your mortgage, hand deliver your phone on a gilded pillow and then give you a lapdance, and give you my personal cell # so you can summon me at will to do your bidding. That's not "customer service," that's you being a self-serving, unreasonable, entitlement-demanding, asshat.
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