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2 blocks from my house the Heaven's parted and drained their celestial bladder upon my person like a bloated race horse. I now know what it feels like to drown standing up.
Why do people always say "like a race horse?" Do race horses drink more than regular horses? Or do they pee with any particular vigor or something?
You're not doing me a favor by eating here. I'm doing you a favor by feeding you.
SoFar- racehorses are trained to pee on command...so, perhaps, when they do pee, they pee a lot bigger?
They are usually pretty big horses....
I will not shove “it” up my backside. I do not know what “it” is, but in my many years on this earth I have figured out that that particular port hole is best reserved for emergency exit only. -GK
Why do people always say "like a race horse?" Do race horses drink more than regular horses? Or do they pee with any particular vigor or something?
Race horses do pee with particular vigor. They spend a few minutes exerting incredible amounts of energy running at 35+ mph around a mile or so long race track. That burns up a lot of liquids for them, and thus... they expend quite a bit when they are done running.
Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica.
Dwight: Bears don't eat bee... Hey! What are you doing?
The Office
Long story short I ended up being crammed into a corner by 3 large Spanish men with no sense of personal space. If prison movies are any indication it was not a situation that would bode well for me. 3 out of 4 us would enjoy it, but I would not be one of them. Luckily, two got off at Main Street so I was able to elude the soap dropping affections of the third.
Now, considering the situation and the way you compared it to prison life, I have to wonder just what you meant when you say that two of them "got off".....
I'm can't figure out if you're about to tell me to put the lotion in the basket ( or I gets the hose ) or if you're about to offer to guide me into Mordor.
It's been said, but it bears repeating.....great double movie reference. Freakin' great!
That is just an amazing level of fail. That is gold star failure. That is medal of honor failure. That is storming the beaches, evading the mortar fire of logic, scaling the cliffs of reading comprehension, brutally repelling the forces of reason, marching on the capital of Common Sense and planting the flag of "Durrr" in front of the tourist information booth.
Quite possibly one of your funniest riffs......EVER.
Actually, this whole post was one of your best ones in a long time. And that is saying something.
I consider myself a bit of a comedian, a bit of a wordsmith, and a bit of writer. And next to you I feel short, pale, empty, and boring. (Okay, I AM short, but you know what I mean!) I bow to few people ever, but when it comes to spinning a written tale, to you I bow low, O Great One.
"The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is Still A Customer."
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