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  • You might be a drunk when....

    Stolen Permanently borrowed from Modern Drunkard magazine.

    If it only takes you one person to convince you to go to a party, but at least four strong men to convince you to leave, you might be a drunk.

    If you shout "Turn up the fuckin' stereo!" in department stores, you might be a drunk.

    If you have a garbage can in your living room, you might be a drunk.

    If you lost your job and had to live on nothing but food and water for a week, you might be a drunk.

    If your binge drinking gets in the way of your benders, you might be a drunk.

    If you like to start each day with a cheery "Who the fuck are you?", you might be a drunk.

    If you have proof the Bud Bowl is fixed, you might be a drunk.

    If you heckle during AA meetings, you might be a drunk.

    If you feel irresistibly sexy despite the vomit stain down the front of your shirt, you might be a drunk.

    If you fell into a whiskey vat and bravely fought off your rescuers for three hours, you might be a drunk.

    If you failed CPR class because your breath set the dummy on fire, you might be a drunk.

    If you use peppermint schnapps as mouthwash because it eliminates that irritating spitting hassle, you might be a drunk.

    If you're up and at 'em mot every day at 5:00 am and then you pass out, you might be a drunk.

    If you have ten ice cube trays in your freezer and they're all empty, you might be a drunk.

    If you take pub crawls very, very literally, you might be a drunk.

    If you shout "It's too political! You're alienating half your demographic!" at winos holding cardboard signs on street corners, you might be a drunk.

    If you invent a Sesame Street drinking game so you can spend more time with your children, you might be a drunk.

    If crying your beer increases its alcohol content, you might be a drunk.

    If you complain to your friends that you got really sober last night, you might be a drunk.

    If you can identify the bars in your town by the undersides of their barstools, you might be a drunk.

    If your first tree fort had a wet bar, you might be a drunk.

    If you've forgotten how pants work, you might be a drunk.

    If you refer to grapes as "wine eggs," you might be a drunk.

    If your favorite breakfast is Hamm's and eggs, minus the eggs, you might be a drunk.

    If your alarm clock is a garbage truck, you might be a drunk.

    If you've ever had a loud argument with your barstool neighbor over the proper way to vomit from a moving vehicle, you might be a drunk.

    If the monkey on your back is in rehab, you might be a drunk.

    If you built a still for your first science fair project, you might be a drunk.

    If your favorite drinking game is "Do A Shot Every Time You Do A Shot," you might be a drunk.

    If the officer tells you you have the right to remain silent and you waive that right to finish singing "Enter Sandman," you might be a drunk.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
    Stolen If you've forgotten how pants work, you might be a drunk.
    And THAT is why I wear a kilt!

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    • #3
      wine eggs....love it
      https://www.youtube.com/user/HedgeTV
      Great YouTube channel check it out!

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      • #4
        Quoth Redbeard View Post
        And THAT is why I wear a kilt!
        So.....how you doin'?

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Redbeard View Post
          And THAT is why I wear a kilt!
          Now where did I put that leaf blower...
          I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
          My LiveJournal
          A page we can all agree with!

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth XCashier View Post
            Now where did I put that leaf blower...
            Just not on gravel!
            I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
            Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
            Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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