Dear septuagenarian couple getting frisky on their couch at 5am,
I get that old people have sex. I also get that sometimes you need to move things out of the bedroom to spice things up. Believe me I understand, especially that latter part.
This does not mean, though, that I need visual reminders that these things happen.
It seemed you didn't really want me to have the visual reminder either, given your reaction to my presence as I walked by. I'm a buzzkill. I'm sorry.
Let me tell you about curtains. Curtains are an excellent investment, especially in these situations. They award you the freedom to roam nude around your living room while also giving you privacy from outside eyes. You should really consider getting curtains.
Even turning off that lamp would have helped. At least, it would have helped me, as it would have made it more difficult to see you. You'd still see me, though. Sorry again about that buzzkill thing. So I'd still go for curtains.
So yeah, sorry about ruining your moment. I'll be over here trying to stab out my mind's eye. And if I see your lights on at 5am again, trust me, I'm going to look away from now on. Go buy some curtains.
Sincerely,
Your neighbor's newspaper carrier
I get that old people have sex. I also get that sometimes you need to move things out of the bedroom to spice things up. Believe me I understand, especially that latter part.
This does not mean, though, that I need visual reminders that these things happen.
It seemed you didn't really want me to have the visual reminder either, given your reaction to my presence as I walked by. I'm a buzzkill. I'm sorry.
Let me tell you about curtains. Curtains are an excellent investment, especially in these situations. They award you the freedom to roam nude around your living room while also giving you privacy from outside eyes. You should really consider getting curtains.
Even turning off that lamp would have helped. At least, it would have helped me, as it would have made it more difficult to see you. You'd still see me, though. Sorry again about that buzzkill thing. So I'd still go for curtains.
So yeah, sorry about ruining your moment. I'll be over here trying to stab out my mind's eye. And if I see your lights on at 5am again, trust me, I'm going to look away from now on. Go buy some curtains.
Sincerely,
Your neighbor's newspaper carrier
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