Drunks/ Sexual harassment

[SurlyBarman]

I feel dirty after last night. I mean, really dirty. Last night during a particularly crazy shift, I had this one regular customer sitting at the bar. He's an older guy. Nice fella. I poured him a couple drinks and made conversation in between running around, making drinks for the customers in the dining room and helping the other bar patrons. Completely out of nowhere, this guy says to me that I need to find myself a man that'll make me happy. And he emphasizes the part where it has to be a man. I'm not homophobic by any means, so I think nothing of it. Well then he says that I need to just let go of any inhibitions, because I love men, men, men, I love them. And I'm kidding myself by going for women because they'll never ever make me as happy as being with a man. Okay, well, I'm slightly amused but also a little uncomfortable. We somehow get into this debate where he's basically trying to convince me that I'm gay. At one point he reaches out to shake my hand, but then he maintains the grip and I feel his finger caressing the back of my hand. Tells me I'm really hot and he wants to kiss me. Then he tries to touch my face. Oh, but this is where it gets funny: The guy already settled up his tab and left me a huge tip. But then he hands me his credit card again and asks me what the damage is. I tell him he already paid. He insists that he didn't. I show him the credit card slip that he signed and left a tip on and he sits back down. Continues with his trying to convince me that I'm gay and that I need a man. Now, this guy is normally a really good customer. I don't wanna kick him out of the place or be rude to him, but this is not cool. I'm trying to be as nice as possible here but he's really persistent. Then guess what happens. He reaches for his credit card and asks me what the damage is. He does this at least twenty times and I could have easily worked him for several hundred dollars if I wanted to, but I'm and honest guy. Finally, he falls asleep at the bar. I wake him up. Twice. After making a final attempt at hitting on me, he gets up and falls off of his bar stool, landing flat on his back. One of the waiters helps him up and he stumbles out the door. I'm guessing he'll be back again tonight.

[One-Fang]

Ew gross! Put it this way, if you were a woman and he acted that way, that'd be well and truly sexual harassment. Just because you're a bloke doesn't mean you gotta take that, and just because it was gay harassment doesn't mean you gotta let it slide for fear of seeming homophobic.

If he does it again, boot his ass out in the cold and ban him.

[karma_gypsy]

Ok, you gotta admit though, that was funny, I'm sure you had to at least chuckle to yourself. Although I wouldn't recommend making eye contact with him . . . ever . . . Have you ever tried telling you don't swing that way? Or maybe if you tell him you've got a girlfriend or wife?

[Plaidman]

I had something simiarler happen to me. Guy tried to convince me I was gay, shook my hand and reached down so fast and kissed it I didn't have time to react. Told him I was straight, he is a nice guy, but a little too old for me. XD.

[SurlyBarman]

Well yeh, part of me thought it was really funny and I had a good laugh after the guy left. And as for telling him I don't swing that way, I did, repeatedly tell him that I'm straight. He wouldn't believe me and kept insisting that I must be in the closet or something. And I'm guessing that if I had told him that I was happily married, he would have probably tried to talk me into getting a divorce.
So now I have to wonder what the girls have to put up with on a regular basis from customers like this. And he seemed like such a nice guy up until last night.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Listen, I don't care you're both dudes. That's sexual harrassment, and he should be banned from where you work.

Had you been a chick, there' would be screaming in the streets. Really, it's no less uncool with you being a guy.

[XCashier]

Yes, it is sexual harrassment, and it is illegal. At the very least, the manager should be made aware of the situation.

[blas]

Like others have said, it does not matter that he's a guy and you're a guy.

Sexual harrassment is unwanted attention. From ANYONE. Regardless of whether it's a man harassing a woman, a woman harrassing a man, or a man harrassing a man or a woman harrassing a woman.

Sexual harrassment is attention that is unwelcome, unwanted, and usually degrading and sickening in nature. Sum it all up to it makes you extremely uncomfortable.

Trust me, I know all about sexual harrassment. I've experienced different levels of it (from teasing and notes and gawks and glares to worse things such as being stalked, followed, and groped and nearly assaulted).

Tell someone. Do it in confidence. There is nothing "unmanly" about admitting that you're being sexually harrassed. Men are sexually harrassed just as much as women are. Tell management immediately. If they have any hearts (or don't want to be sued or get in tons of trouble) they will fix the situation promptly. Forcing employees to wait on customers who sexually harrass them creates a hostile work enviornment: the employee feels degraded and with that, may not be as friendly to other customers, and there will be complaints and concerns. It's much easier if management tells the man to knock it off or don't come back.

Do the right thing!

[SurlyBarman]

Yo, it's cool. He apologized, so I'm willing to let it go. I told the staff, one of the managers, and a few of my friends and we all think it's hilarious. Apparently, the same thing happened to a couple of my friends who also happen to be male bartenders.

[chainedbarista]

harrassment is harrassment, regardless of the orientation; this guy's drunkenness isn't an excuse, although i get this creepy feeling that he uses it to justify hitting on those he wouldn't normally make moves on while sober.

i felt filthy, and it didn't even happen to me!

[chryso]

Good job handling it. I can understand not wanting to lose a good regular customer because they had one bad night. In the end you have a funny story and there was no harm done.

[Barefootgirl]

Firstly, let me say that I don't condone sexual harrassment at all. However, that said, if I had taken each and every sexual comment when I was working behind a bar as sexual harrassment and demnded that the harrasser be thrown out, I'd have spent all my time doing that and only about 10% of the time working. I was allowed to be as rude as I liked to offensive people, and if they got really out of hand of course, they would be thrown out, but given that the pub was usually full of large policemen and rugby players, it rarely got that bad.

Unfortunately the nature of bars is that people get drunk there, and when people get drunk, often they behave badly. You need a fairly thick skin and a good sense of humour to work in a bar, along with an ability to judge when someone really is getting out of control, and deserves to be thrown out.

[Greenday]

I don't know how you managed not to do it, but if some guy did that to me, I'd knock him the f*** out.

[imal'sheva]

Next time, have a male employee walk up, put his arm around you and and ask the guy if he is trying to steal his spouse. That should shut him up.

[chainedbarista]

i'd only respond to the ones like this, where the person didn't back off, or if it involved contact; it would get troublesome to deal with every instance, considering how many drunks there are and how much crap one takes.