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Retail Paradoxes
Old 07-19-2006, 04:34 AM
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Default Retail Paradoxes

This thread is for the posting and discussion of retail paradoxes you have encountered. These paradoxes, like cosmic double-sided duct tape, hold the world in balance with their equal and opposite repellence and attraction.

Despite the fact that the world would obviously esplode (not just explode, esplode) without them, they are still annoying. List dilemmas that you have noticed here.

I'll start the ball rolling.

-If, when greeting customers, you don't greet someone's kids, you are "not child-friendly." If you do greet the customer's children, you are a pedophile.

-If you ask someone if they need help, you are an annoying, upselling leech. If you don't try to assist them, you are providing poor customer service.

-If you strike up a conversation at the register, you are an irritating chatterbox. If you don't try to small talk with them, you are rude and aloof.

Old 07-19-2006, 07:09 AM
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I got a couple.

- Customers want the lines to move faster, so they want to bitch about it to the cashier, the supervisor, management, and anyone else nearby, causing that particular checklane to come to a complete halt.

- Customers complain about how trashed the restrooms are, right after they plugged up the toilet and sink.
"I don't have an anger problem I have an idiot problem!" - Hank Hill

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Old 07-19-2006, 07:57 AM
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-You should watch a customers kid, but never ever tell that kid what to do.

-If said kid does get hurt, it's your fault for not telling them not to do that, even though you are not supposed to tell someone elses kid what to do

Old 07-19-2006, 12:05 PM
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The customer should always have your full attention, time and help, unless you are dealing with a customer thats not them.

In this case you should drop the original customer IMMEDIATELY and rush and help the new one.
"don't go to the neighbors,that's just what the fire expects you to do"-phillippbo
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Support bacteria.They're the only culture some people have.

Old 07-19-2006, 08:40 PM
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If you ask what happened immediately before a computer went south (errors etc), you're being "too technical". If you don't ask you're not "working with" them (whatever the hell that means...I'm working with you by trying to fix things).
"I am quite confident that I do exist."
"Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

Last edited by Dreamstalker; 07-19-2006 at 08:51 PM.

Old 07-20-2006, 01:12 AM
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A manager can stop you for half an hour to talk about his trip to the Bahamas, but will then yell at you for not getting your work done.

When you stock shelves, you get in trouble for ignoring customers. But if you help customers all day, you get in trouble for having a bunch of holes.
I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

Old 07-20-2006, 11:48 AM
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Old 07-20-2006, 08:57 PM
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-Everybody is "ewmpowered" to do whatever it takes to satisfy a customer, but the manager yells at you if you give the customer too much ofa discount, or sell a display you're not supposed to.

-Employees are not allowed to talk on their cell phones during work because that's time theft, but the manager can talk to his friends on his cell phone, gabbing about his upcoming vacation plans, while on the clock.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

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Old 07-20-2006, 10:55 PM
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-The customer will complain how messy the shoe department is after she throws all of the flip flops on the floor and puts her women's shirt she was buying on the shelf where it doesn't belong.
-Your manager will expect you to complete an 8-hour shift's work in 5 hours when he prematurely pulls you out of your department to do something else.
-The bigger the furniture item is (and the higher up it is on the shelf in the backroom), the higher chance the customer decides they don't want it after you bring it out to them.
-That one out-of-stock item you have will be the 'hot item' everybody HAS to have ... but when you get more in they won't sell for weeks.
-The word 'sale' on any sign, regardless of the size and price, will attract every customer and will sell out quickly ... although the word 'clearance' will only attract customers when its on final markdown even if first markdown is cheaper than when it was on sale a few months ago.
-The item you have the most of will sell out the slowest, while the item you have the least of in stock will sell out first.
-If the customer puts their payment on the register's counter, all is well ... but it is considered extremely rude if you put their change on the table instead of in their hand.
-1 minute in the employee's eyes equals 10 minutes in the customer's.
-The moment when you are the most busiest, or when you are about to clock out, is the most common time you will be approached by a customer who has a big request like a backroom item check that takes time.
-Any written store policy will conjure up customers who come in for the sole purpose of breaking it, such as expecting you to change the battery on an expensive watch purchased at another store that you cannot work on. The harsher the policy, the harsher its resistance is.
-The other store's prices are always cheaper depending on which store the SC is in. At Wal-Mart, Target's prices are waayyy cheaper, although at Target, Wal-Mart is cheapest.
-Customers will drive all across town to find the cheapest price on an item, then purposefully go to the store who sells it the most expensive, demand a price match, and refuse to drive back to the cheapest-price store to purchase it regardless of the facts.
-SCs will walk to the opposite side of the store just to ask the farthest employee away from the item they need to see if they can check the back for it, instead of finding the nearest employee.
-There could be 10 employees walking down an aisle, but the SC will approach the only employee shopping on his lunch break and ask them for help, then get mad when he hands her over to another on-the-clock employee.

"In cases of customer bathroom emergencies, the toilet itself becomes less of a goal and more of a loose suggestion." - Shamus

Old 07-21-2006, 04:06 AM
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If you don't offer to help an old person- you're insensitive.

If you DO offer to help an old person- you're patronizing and basically saying because they're old they're also feeble and incompetent.
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