I've mentioned my older sister, The Witch, a few times here, and those of you paying attention will remember that she can be and usually is a royal pain in the ass. The kind of woman that would give an aspirin a headache. Every now and then, though, I have my little revenges on her, and they can be be very sweet....especially when they're of her own doing, and I did nothing to precipitate them.
The Witch does have some redeeming qualities, and one of the more obvious ones is her undeniable talent in the kitchen. I've said many times that she is the most talented cook I know, and I say this for the very simple reason that it's true. If you don't believe me, though, just ask her.
Every now and then, as I said, I get a bit of revenge on her for her years of less than friendly behavior, and most of these are culinary in their form. A few years ago, for example, when the two of us teamed up to cook dinner for the family, one of the items we were cooing was some lamb kabobs on the grill. I went to take them off the grill, and she insisted on leaving them on the grill a bit longer. Ignoring her, I took them off the grill, and even she had to admit they were absolutely perfect--had we left them on, they would have been overdone.
More recently, she contacted me asking for advice on making chili for a party she's hosting. Or more exactly, her email read, "Chili recipe please." I wasn't sure if she was demanding my signature chili recipe (not gonna happen) or merely asking for advice, so I sent back an email asking for clarification. And then...promptly forgot about the whole thing, since I don't check my email that often, and I had other things going on, like work, fun, and, ya know, my own damn life.
Fast forward to a few days ago when I got a nasty text message while at work. The Witch was furious I had not gotten back with her. Explaining in a calmer text that I had spaced it and that I was at work, I gave her a few quick pointers, chuckling that the Kitchen Queen needed MY help, and told her I'd send her more later that night. Not taking the hint, she continued to send me texts about this and that regarding chili, and I finally made the point less subtly that I WAS AT WORK, and that I'd contact her later.
And I did. Got off work, had a few beers with friends, and sent her my basic primer on chili, with some pointers. She ignored many of them, and there's nothing wrong with that--I've always viewed chili as interpretive--but why ask for my help if you're gonna ignore most of it? In any case, it was a nice bit of revenge to have her so desperate not just for my help, but my approval, as was evidenced by several subsequent texts.
And a couple smaller bits of revenge came this morning as part of the text exchange.
Wasn't I jealous of her amazing supply of fresh peppers? Um, no, as I have access to many fresh peppers myself, and of the only two I'd ever used from cans, one comes in an amazing sauce which just adds to the chili.
Wasn't I curious what all this was about? Um, no, as you already told me. She had? Yep. In the original email.
So now I have her seeking my advice and my approval, trying to get my goat and be jealous of her resources, and convinced she's going a bit wonky in the head. All in all, a good way to start off my day off.
Revenge doesn't always have to be violent, hateful, or even intentional, but it can be very, very sweet. What are your stories of such small, sweet bits of revenge on people?
The Witch does have some redeeming qualities, and one of the more obvious ones is her undeniable talent in the kitchen. I've said many times that she is the most talented cook I know, and I say this for the very simple reason that it's true. If you don't believe me, though, just ask her.
Every now and then, as I said, I get a bit of revenge on her for her years of less than friendly behavior, and most of these are culinary in their form. A few years ago, for example, when the two of us teamed up to cook dinner for the family, one of the items we were cooing was some lamb kabobs on the grill. I went to take them off the grill, and she insisted on leaving them on the grill a bit longer. Ignoring her, I took them off the grill, and even she had to admit they were absolutely perfect--had we left them on, they would have been overdone.
More recently, she contacted me asking for advice on making chili for a party she's hosting. Or more exactly, her email read, "Chili recipe please." I wasn't sure if she was demanding my signature chili recipe (not gonna happen) or merely asking for advice, so I sent back an email asking for clarification. And then...promptly forgot about the whole thing, since I don't check my email that often, and I had other things going on, like work, fun, and, ya know, my own damn life.
Fast forward to a few days ago when I got a nasty text message while at work. The Witch was furious I had not gotten back with her. Explaining in a calmer text that I had spaced it and that I was at work, I gave her a few quick pointers, chuckling that the Kitchen Queen needed MY help, and told her I'd send her more later that night. Not taking the hint, she continued to send me texts about this and that regarding chili, and I finally made the point less subtly that I WAS AT WORK, and that I'd contact her later.
And I did. Got off work, had a few beers with friends, and sent her my basic primer on chili, with some pointers. She ignored many of them, and there's nothing wrong with that--I've always viewed chili as interpretive--but why ask for my help if you're gonna ignore most of it? In any case, it was a nice bit of revenge to have her so desperate not just for my help, but my approval, as was evidenced by several subsequent texts.
And a couple smaller bits of revenge came this morning as part of the text exchange.
Wasn't I jealous of her amazing supply of fresh peppers? Um, no, as I have access to many fresh peppers myself, and of the only two I'd ever used from cans, one comes in an amazing sauce which just adds to the chili.
Wasn't I curious what all this was about? Um, no, as you already told me. She had? Yep. In the original email.
So now I have her seeking my advice and my approval, trying to get my goat and be jealous of her resources, and convinced she's going a bit wonky in the head. All in all, a good way to start off my day off.
Revenge doesn't always have to be violent, hateful, or even intentional, but it can be very, very sweet. What are your stories of such small, sweet bits of revenge on people?
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