Buy a compass!

[Salesmonkey]

By rights, I might have gotten fired for this one if the Boss had been listening. It's just that I can only be helpful and polite in the face of rudeness for a short while and then I might say something that I really mean.

LG: I just got off the interstate and I can't find the Service Inn.
SM: I can help you with that. When you left the interstate, did you see our sign?
LG: I didn't see any signs.
SM: Did you get on Main Street going north or going south?
LG: I am at the intersection of Main and Joyce.
SM: We're four miles south of that intersection.
LG: What way is that?
SM: South.
LG: I don't know what way that is.
SM: Which way are you going now?
LG: Is it a right turn or a left turn?
SM: I don't know which way you are pointed now. The Service Inn is four miles south of the intersection of Main and Joyce.
LG: But should I turn left or right on Main?
SM: Do you see the Wal-Mart at the corner of Main and Joyce?
LG: Yes.
SM: The Wal-Mart is at the southwest side of the intersection. That should orient you.
LG: So are you to the left or the right?
SM: We're to the south.
LG: You're not being helpful. Is there anybody else I can talk to who knows what they're doing?

ZAP. This just escalated in emotional intensity. I know it sucks to be lost but I'm helpful and polite because I want to be, not because I have to be.

SM: There's nobody else here. All you have to do is go south for four miles.
LG: I want to talk to your manager.
SM: Do you see a gas station there?
LG: Yes.
SM: Maybe you could stop and ask them which way is south.
LG: I'm not going to do that!
SM: Since I don't know what direction you are traveling in, I cannot give you directions relative to your position. I can only give you absolute directions based on your position.
LG: Isn't there anybody I can talk to who's not an idiot?
SM: .....
SM: Do you see the Wal-Mart at the junction of Main and Joyce?
LG: Yes.
SM: I want you to go in and BUY A COMPASS!
LG: Are you giving me an attitude now?
SM: I am trying to give you directions. I've suggested two ways that you could get yourself un-lost. If you don't do anything I can't help you.
LG: *click*

I was actually rather hoping that the guy would show up for round 2, but it seems he decided to make himself another hotel's problem that evening.

[Jadedcarguy]

What a dick. First he says you don't know what you're doing then he called you an idiot. He deserved a worse tongue-lashing than he got.

[Shabo]

...

South?

Is that, like, a direction?

When I was at a beach outside of Boston a few weeks ago, a guy pulled up asking for directions to Long Island.

"Let's see, you want to go hop on a highway that will lead you southwest for, oh, let's say about 400 miles... then ask someone for more specific directions. Don't worry if you leave this state. You're supposed to."

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I used to have to "talk people into Kinko's" all the time, and it was never really a problem. Center of downtown, there is a lot of landmarks, I know my way around very well, and the city is laid out on a grid. I could reel in even the most lost, disoriented bonehead.

And all of them were nice to me.

If I had ever gotten one that wasn't, or called me a name, that moron would have ended up in fing Guam.

How stupid do you have to be to piss of the guy trying to get you unlost? I guess the same level of stupid that makes people piss off their food handlers.

[slavetotheman]

SM: Since I don't know what direction you are traveling in, I cannot give you directions relative to your position. I can only give you absolute directions based on your position.

Erm, not quite. Depending on which road runs north-south (Main or Joyce) you just have to tell him to go down that road such that the Wal-Mart is on their right (which, if he's heading south, it will be) and go 4 miles to the Service Inn on his left/right. There, you've oriented him.

[Slayergrrl]

...

South?

Is that, like, a direction?

When I was at a beach outside of Boston a few weeks ago, a guy pulled up asking for directions to Long Island.

"Let's see, you want to go hop on a highway that will lead you southwest for, oh, let's say about 400 miles... then ask someone for more specific directions. Don't worry if you leave this state. You're supposed to."

There actually is a long island here in Mass. it's situated in Quincy Bay

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Island_(Massachusetts)

[Soulstealer]

If I had ever gotten one that wasn't, or called me a name, that moron would have ended up in fing Guam.

That can't be a company regulated use for boxing materials...
Umm, a very recent betting pool has now started at how many SCs can fit in a large box. Care to name anyone intrested in 10% of the pool? Chainsaws are acceptable to make room.

Err... I mean we shouldn't commit violence toward SCs, honest.

[Becks]

How stupid do you have to be to piss of the guy trying to get you unlost? I guess the same level of stupid that makes people piss off their food handlers.

Gotta enjoy stupid sucky people.

[Andara Bledin]

Wow, that's one of those people with absolutely no directional sense. I'm lucky in that I have phenomenal directional sense. East is "up" for me, but once I sort that out, things are golden.

But still, if you know you don't know which way is "up," you don't start insulting the person who has the best chance of getting you where you're going.

Erm, not quite. Depending on which road runs north-south (Main or Joyce) you just have to tell him to go down that road such that the Wal-Mart is on their right (which, if he's heading south, it will be) and go 4 miles to the Service Inn on his left/right. There, you've oriented him.

That's very similar to what I would do. I'm the official direction-giver at the office, and I've only ever given a wrong direction once, and for some reason I told the guy right instead of left onto our street. He knew immediately that he couldn't do that, however, since there is no right at that point, so it wasn't too bad.

^-.-^

[Shabo]

There actually is a long island here in Mass. it's situated in Quincy Bay

Huh, ya learn something new every day. I'm not from the immediate Boston area. But now I know!

[Slayergrrl]

Huh, ya learn something new every day. I'm not from the immediate Boston area. But now I know!

Still a little weird that he wanted to go there though.. Nooone is allowed on the island without permission.. The Island has a pretty cool history though.

[Seshat]

Umm, a very recent betting pool has now started at how many SCs can fit in a large box. Care to name anyone intrested in 10% of the pool? Chainsaws are acceptable to make room.

How about crematorium furnaces?

[Imogene]

East is "up" for me, but once I sort that out, things are golden.

What is this 'East' you speak of?
"Up" I get, it's that way, *points randomly*. But... East? What the hell?

[Shengirl]

SM: Do you see the Wal-Mart at the junction of Main and Joyce?
LG: Yes.
SM: I want you to go in and BUY A COMPASS!

I laughed out loud at that. I want to shake your hand now; that was brilliant.

[Banrion]

I still get a bit disoriented trying to give directions around my house. To me up is north, but I live on a state highway, on a hill. UP the hill is actually south, it still drives me batty.