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How men & women shower differently
Old 08-15-2007, 01:56 AM
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 135
Default How men & women shower differently

How to Shower Like A Woman:

Take off clothes and place them in sectioned laundry basket according to
lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
sit-ups/leg-lifts etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How to Shower Like A Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Wee in big circles and watch it go down the plughole.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make
sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I ride the time, it unfolds a new day,
another time, this world would fade away
To find true love, is like no other joy,
our choice is here
be happy for today

Old 08-15-2007, 04:32 AM
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MadMike MadMike is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Enola, PA
Posts: 4,992

I liked that one!
Sometimes life is altered.
Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
Uneasy with confrontation.
Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

Old 08-15-2007, 09:42 PM
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DGoddessChardonnay DGoddessChardonnay is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: State of Insanity (aka NC)
Posts: 6,676

That's hilarious

Of course, this is my usual routine when getting into the shower:

Take off clothes and dump them in hamper right outside bathroom door.

Grab large towel big enough for a circus tent and toss over shower curtain bar

Get into tub, pull curtain closed

Turn on water, adjust temp

Grab body pouf, pour bodywash onto it and scrub down

Shave armpits and legs

Wash hair twice to get all the hairpsray and hairgel out

Cut off water, dry off and wrap hair in same towel

Get out of tub, get fresh towel and put over commode lid (even though it already has a hat)

Towel dry hair, spray in conditioner and comb through

Wet face with washcloth, clean face with acne scrub and then apply mudd masque

Let mudd masque dry while drying hair with dryer

Remove mudd masque with wet washcloth, apply moisturizer and put on fresh pajamas

Brush teeth and go to bed.

Maybe 20 minutes at the most.
Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

Old 08-16-2007, 03:32 PM
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NightAngel NightAngel is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Raccoon City
Posts: 2,492

Hey! Whose been watching my hubby shower?

How to shower like NightAngel:

Take off clothes in bathroom- throw on floor in corner.

Turn on the shower hot enough to make most people run screaming, "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"

Get in- pull shower curtain shut.

Let uber hot water relax back and leg muscles.

Sigh loudly and contentedly.

Wash hair- once. Rinse.

Condition hair- once. Rinse.

Use washrag or body puff with soap to scrub body. Rinse.

Shave legs/armpits if going to beach the next day or if it's been over a week.

Turn off water- get out of shower- dry off.

Wrap body in towel- grab clothes off floor and take to bedroom- throw in the laundry basket.
Addendum: Next morning there is the fantic hunt for the bra because somehow it never winds up where I think I left it.

Flash husband only if there are definately no children around.
Addendum: Defend against inevitable boob squeeze as direct result of flashing.

Put on pjs, brush teeth, go to bed.
Addendum: Defend against inevitable boob squeeze as direct result of earlier flashing still being fresh in hubby's mind.

Old 08-16-2007, 06:24 PM
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Greenday Greenday is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 553

What is this puff/wash-rag non-sense? Gotta use your hands!

1. Throw clothes in hamper.

2. Adjust temperature of water depending on type of day I had.

3. Use a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner. Rinse.

4. Grab bodywash/soap, rub all over body. Rinse.

5. Dry off.

Now that's simple.
"I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

Old 08-18-2007, 04:31 AM
DarthRetard DarthRetard is offline
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Worth, Florida
Posts: 286

Mine's even simpler man....

1. Wake up at 6 am, even if my shift isn't till 1.....run through sprinklers naked, using body wash, go to bed.

Old 08-18-2007, 12:31 PM
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Princess-Snake Princess-Snake is offline
The Royal Viper
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 245

I've got it much more complicated for me.

1. Unhook self from finished IV
2. Enter bathroom with gauze pad and a change of clothes.
3. Shut bathroom door and place items on counter.
4. Undress self, discard used gauze pad from feeding tube, and use toilet.
5. Wash hands.
6. Make sure iPod is plugged into iPod charger/speaker, turn on iPod and speaker and sing along with whatever song is playing.
7. Turn on the water until it's steaming hot.
8. Put plug in drain and step into tub.
9. Lean against left side so that bandage and catheter on right side doesn't get too wet.
10. Turn off water.
11. Put washcloth and soap in water.
12. Rub soap in washcloth and use soapy washcloth to wash body. Take care of various tubes on body.
13. Dip washcloth back in water and wring every bit of moisture out of cloth. Hang to dry.
14. Rinse body with rinse bucket. Which in reality is actually an old Chinese take-out sweet and sour soup container. Then depending on what day it is, shave legs and armpits.
15. Lay down to wash hair, but lay down on left side to avoid getting bandage on right side wet.
16. Wet hair by dipping head in water. Put on shampoo and relax for a few minutes. Rinse out shampoo by dipping head in water and running fingers through hair.
17. Repeat using conditioner.
18. Take plug out of drain and just lay in tub until water is gone.
19. Get out of tub, take towel from rack, and dry self.
20. Use toilet and wash hands.
21. Comb hair in mirror.
22. Put new gauze pad around feeding tube.
23. Dress in change of clothes. Usually pajamas.
24. Hang up towel.
25. Put on glasses and hearing aids.
26. Turn off iPod and speaker. Put used clothes in hamper seperating them by whites and colors.
27. Put on hand lotion.
28. Microwave dinner and eat it while watching cops.
29. Put dishes in dishwasher and turn off tv.
30. Prepare IV and hook self up.
31. Use toilet and wash hands.
32. Go to bed.
33. Wake up, use toilet and wash hands.
34. Curse damned ostomy for making you go to the bathroom every 45 minutes.

Just a normal night for me.
"But I don't want to be among mad people."
You can't help that. We're all mad here. Every fucking one of us.

Old 08-18-2007, 01:00 PM
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NightAngel NightAngel is offline
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Quoth Greenday View Post
What is this puff/wash-rag non-sense? Gotta use your hands!
My hubby thought the same thing until he met me. I don't even remember now why we were talking about it but I told him that he should try the body puff just once 'cause it feels really good. He rolled his eyes at me but agreed just once.

He was surprised to find out that the scrubby thing really DOES feel good. I don't think he uses it every time but he has his own now.

Old 08-18-2007, 01:18 PM
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Broomjockey Broomjockey is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,744

Pfft. Soap? Talk about adding an unnecessary extra step! You just use the extra shampoo foam after you've lathered your hair!
Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.


Old 08-18-2007, 03:57 PM
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Kara Kara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 934

Quoth NightAngel View Post
Addendum: Next morning there is the fantic hunt for the bra because somehow it never winds up where I think I left it.
Ooh, you have bra pixies. They like to move it around after you put it in your usual place to wait to be equipped again.

You have it lucky though. My SO and I have two sets of bra pixies to deal with.
"You are loved" - Plaidman.

Last edited by Kara; 08-18-2007 at 07:40 PM.
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