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... or maybe a few more than just one. 
That's the fun part though, the telling of all the stories. I'll try and remember all the ones I wanted to share. (Excuse the lack of grammar or sentence structuring, fighting off a migraine. 
) Also, Language warning!! You were warned.
SC: As usual...
Me:
Breaking the law, breaking the law!
(Bonus points for reference!)
A little bit of backstory on this one: I had just been listening to my neighbor/coworker talk to this guy a few minutes prior. I always enjoy the calls I don't have to deal with. This guy called in, the electric service was turned off, he wanted an amount to pay to get it restored, and stated he isn't the account holder or married to her, and my coworker had supposedly spoken with the person the account holder had authorized as a contact, but wasn't sure it was the guy on there, or if it was the first guy trying to pull something, and had asked for the "contact" to verify the social of the account holder, since he stated he was her husband... even though the label on the account says he's her son! He couldn't verify it, then at some point stated he was her EX husband. Well then, I guess they saw the incest problem then.
To get rid of the call, my coworker told him since he can't verify his EX wife's social (which most people do when they are married) he can't give out info. Guy hung up. Then, I get lucky, and get his call-back.
Me: (get account number, etc) And your relationship to the account holder?
SC: Well, I own the house and my brother's wife moved in there and she's got no job and she's a dipshit and can't pay her bills. So I just need to know how much to pay to restore the services and I have her social like the last guy said to have.
Me: (He didn't tell YOU to have her social, genius.) So, your relation to her is that you're her brother in law then? Or her landlord?
SC: NO, you're NOT LISTENING TO ME! I OWN THE HOUSE and she moved in and HER HUSBAND JAMES is sick and BLAHBLAHBLAHREPEATRANT!! (pretty much defining himself as a landlord or brother in law... and there's still the whole thing about her "husband" being listed as her "son"
)
Me: Well, I do understand you're trying to help her out, but since you're not listed as a contact she has verified for us to give info to, I cannot share any information on this account without her permission. Is she there to speak with?
SC: You mean I gotta DRAG HER ASS UP HERE to talk to you?!? I just wanna know what the goddamn amount is to restore her fucking service!
Me: Um.. well, yes. We have to talk to her or James.
SC: I'm just gonna call you all back then! *hangs up*
It doesn't sound as bad as it was in typing it... but he was just obnoxious. Ugh. I mean, I understand his point, but if you've been told more than once...
You fail.
I just love the people that can't hang up the phone when they're done and you get to hear a lovely little part of their real personalities at home. Especially when they realize the phone is still active and fail at hanging up AGAIN. (My company states under no circumstances are we to hang up on someone, unless there's dead air. I tend to abuse that a little to give myself another minute or two without an insane call when it happens.)
The lights are not all on upstairs.
Meaning in her head. She was a little short of a full deck of cards, etc.
SC: There was a notice on my door saying that my service was disconnected?
Me: Well it could be that or just a warning that it will be if you don't pay today.
SC: Okay... but are my services shut off?
Me: I'm not sure, is there someone at home who can check? (thinking to myself she wouldn't ask if she were home to see... ah, who am I kidding)
SC: I am right now, yes.
Me: ... ... well then are your lights on?
SC: Let me check ...
Me: ...
SC: Okay, lights turn on. (to someone in the background) Hey! Does the tv work? .... Okay, the tv works too. So are my services on or off?
Me: ... ... ..*facepalm* Your electric is still on ma'am.
SC: Oh, okay, good.
A refreshing breeze...
Not an SC, but notable and so funny.
C: (gives information for a check over the phone payment)
Me: Okay, now is that a personal or a business checking account?
C: .... personal.
Me: I'll have a confirmation number for you in just a moment here.
C: So many comments!
Me: Pardon me?
C: That question, personal or business, when I'm paying you. So many comments, and none of them appropriate for a professional business call!
Me:
... no need to say anything, I can imagine a few myself, and yes, they are hilarious. We'll just keep it to that.
C:
The extremely funny thing is, this lady sounded like she was over fifty!
You are not as important as you think you are.
There is one coworker on my row that just speaks plainly to customers. Borderline blunt as a rock, but does it in a down-home, kind, polite way. I love it. This is how the conversation went, one-sided.
- I'm afraid that we cannot put your order in for reconnection today sir, anytime after 12:30 it's scheduled for sometime tomorrow.
- Well, y'see, it's like this... everyone else who paid before 12:30 is already getting their orders worked on, and we also have all the orders from yesterday for people who paid after 12:30, so we can't really put any more in for today.
- I could get you a supervisor, but to be honest, they ain't gonna be able to do anything for you either, they follow the same rules.
- Well, okay, I'll go ahead and get you a supervisor. There's just two things before I do. First, it'll be a bit of a wait, probably around fifteen to twenty minutes (due to very few supers after a certain time, and extreeeemely high call volumes lately
). Second, the call I had before you? They also had to pay to get reconnected. Their father has a machine that helps his lungs to do his breathing for him. And THEY'RE not getting reconnected today. Since they're not, and they have a serious condition, you ARE NOT GOING TO be reconnected today. But I'll still get you that supervisor if you want one.
Who, me? Brain? Nah...
In which I play dumb because they're playing dumb...
Me: May I have your account number please?
SC: My what number?
Me: Account number.
SC: Phone number?
Me: ACCOUNT number!
SC: *spits out a phone number*
Me: I'm sorry, that doesn't bring up an account, are you sure that's your account number?
SC: Well what number you want then!?
*headdesk*
or...
Me: May I have your account number please?
SC: *spits out a phone number*
Me: That... doesn't have enough numbers to be an account number.
SC: That's cause I don't have my bill!
Me: Oh, okay, well then what number is that?
SC: My PHONE number!
Me: Ohhh, okay! Just one minute while I do a search for you.
(If they had just asked to use phone instead I would be more obliging instead of trying to spit numbers at me.)
or my favorite...
Me: And may I have your name please?
SC: Jane Doe is the name on the account.
Me: Thank you, and may I have YOUR name please?
SC: John Doe, (insert full address and phone number and social here)
Me: *thinking to myself* Well my my, that's such a long name, I really do have to wonder what your parents were thinking. *facepalm*
New source of puppy chow.
I didn't have this one as a call, but someone gave me an account number to look at due to an interesting conversation with this person, and I was reading over the notes history...
Apparently, at some point, this lady had her service shut off. And was pissed, of course. Not because she hadn't paid in almost a year. But that we had the audacity to turn her lights off. She yelled at every single person she spoke with, using the foulest language she could. Finally, after she paid, she was told she'd be on within 12 hours. Decent timeframe. Not for her.
The field worker went out to reconnect her. Not sure exactly what happened, but from what I get from the notes, she physically assaulted him somehow, and in the process of defending himself he thumped her with his clipboard on the arm. Probably not even hard enough to bruise. She called in to us stating she was suing because he hit her...
During all this, she still wasn't reconnected, because she had vengance in her eyes against the company and wouldn't let the field worker near the meter in her attempt to carry it out. Thus, she was even more pissed off. Oh, and as he was leaving, and she was yelling, she stated that he better come back and turn her on like he was supposed to or she'd let her two pit bulls EAT HIM.
Thus, the police were called and an alert put on the account that the field worker must have a police escort to have her reconnected. Just makes you want to ask... did she even THINK that he was going to turn her on and endure physical and verbal threats while doing it? Never ever mess with people who provide basic necessities.
Double trouble, spoil and... steak.
(I'm tired so sue me.)
Not my call, but someone had called in at one point, had been disconnected, and just paid the full balance on the account plus reconnection fees and security deposit, totalling well over a couple thousand dollars. Then called in to have us reconnect him. Unfortunately, it was past the 12:30 same day reconnection window, and it's friday. So lucky him, he gets to wait until monday to be reconnected.
Now he's upset because he paid the full balance and thinks he gets preferential treatment because of it. NEWS FLASH, buckethead, you owed us that money for services rendered. You are JUST NOW getting caught up in our eyes, not ahead. And waiting until you are already off to say "Oh, gee, I should pay my bill!"? Bad move.
His next comment... "I just bought 500 dollars worth of steak, it's going to spoil!"
Instead of buying steak... since you could obviously afford to do that AND still pay a couple thousand to us without blinking... PAY YOUR BILL BEFORE YOU'RE OFF and you'll be okay! *headpat* Now go find a propane grill and start your party, you have a lot of steak to eat.
-----
Probably more to tell, but head is killing me and I must sleep soon for another week to start tomorrow. I feel like a two year old right now... I want to throw a tantrum. Along the lines of "I don't wanna" and "wahhhhh"
That's the fun part though, the telling of all the stories. I'll try and remember all the ones I wanted to share. (Excuse the lack of grammar or sentence structuring, fighting off a migraine. ) Also, Language warning!! You were warned. SC: As usual...
Me:
Breaking the law, breaking the law!
(Bonus points for reference!
)A little bit of backstory on this one: I had just been listening to my neighbor/coworker talk to this guy a few minutes prior. I always enjoy the calls I don't have to deal with. This guy called in, the electric service was turned off, he wanted an amount to pay to get it restored, and stated he isn't the account holder or married to her, and my coworker had supposedly spoken with the person the account holder had authorized as a contact, but wasn't sure it was the guy on there, or if it was the first guy trying to pull something, and had asked for the "contact" to verify the social of the account holder, since he stated he was her husband... even though the label on the account says he's her son! He couldn't verify it, then at some point stated he was her EX husband. Well then, I guess they saw the incest problem then.
To get rid of the call, my coworker told him since he can't verify his EX wife's social (which most people do when they are married) he can't give out info. Guy hung up. Then, I get lucky, and get his call-back.Me: (get account number, etc) And your relationship to the account holder?
SC: Well, I own the house and my brother's wife moved in there and she's got no job and she's a dipshit and can't pay her bills. So I just need to know how much to pay to restore the services and I have her social like the last guy said to have.
Me: (He didn't tell YOU to have her social, genius.) So, your relation to her is that you're her brother in law then? Or her landlord?
SC: NO, you're NOT LISTENING TO ME! I OWN THE HOUSE and she moved in and HER HUSBAND JAMES is sick and BLAHBLAHBLAHREPEATRANT!! (pretty much defining himself as a landlord or brother in law... and there's still the whole thing about her "husband" being listed as her "son"
)Me: Well, I do understand you're trying to help her out, but since you're not listed as a contact she has verified for us to give info to, I cannot share any information on this account without her permission. Is she there to speak with?
SC: You mean I gotta DRAG HER ASS UP HERE to talk to you?!? I just wanna know what the goddamn amount is to restore her fucking service!
Me: Um.. well, yes. We have to talk to her or James.
SC: I'm just gonna call you all back then! *hangs up*
It doesn't sound as bad as it was in typing it... but he was just obnoxious. Ugh. I mean, I understand his point, but if you've been told more than once...
You fail.
I just love the people that can't hang up the phone when they're done and you get to hear a lovely little part of their real personalities at home. Especially when they realize the phone is still active and fail at hanging up AGAIN. (My company states under no circumstances are we to hang up on someone, unless there's dead air. I tend to abuse that a little to give myself another minute or two without an insane call when it happens.)
The lights are not all on upstairs.
Meaning in her head. She was a little short of a full deck of cards, etc.
SC: There was a notice on my door saying that my service was disconnected?
Me: Well it could be that or just a warning that it will be if you don't pay today.
SC: Okay... but are my services shut off?
Me: I'm not sure, is there someone at home who can check? (thinking to myself she wouldn't ask if she were home to see... ah, who am I kidding)
SC: I am right now, yes.
Me: ... ... well then are your lights on?
SC: Let me check ...
Me: ...
SC: Okay, lights turn on. (to someone in the background) Hey! Does the tv work? .... Okay, the tv works too. So are my services on or off?
Me: ... ... ..*facepalm* Your electric is still on ma'am.
SC: Oh, okay, good.
A refreshing breeze...
Not an SC, but notable and so funny.
C: (gives information for a check over the phone payment)
Me: Okay, now is that a personal or a business checking account?
C: .... personal.
Me: I'll have a confirmation number for you in just a moment here.
C: So many comments!
Me: Pardon me?
C: That question, personal or business, when I'm paying you. So many comments, and none of them appropriate for a professional business call!
Me:
... no need to say anything, I can imagine a few myself, and yes, they are hilarious. We'll just keep it to that.C:
The extremely funny thing is, this lady sounded like she was over fifty!
You are not as important as you think you are.
There is one coworker on my row that just speaks plainly to customers. Borderline blunt as a rock, but does it in a down-home, kind, polite way. I love it. This is how the conversation went, one-sided.
- I'm afraid that we cannot put your order in for reconnection today sir, anytime after 12:30 it's scheduled for sometime tomorrow.
- Well, y'see, it's like this... everyone else who paid before 12:30 is already getting their orders worked on, and we also have all the orders from yesterday for people who paid after 12:30, so we can't really put any more in for today.
- I could get you a supervisor, but to be honest, they ain't gonna be able to do anything for you either, they follow the same rules.
- Well, okay, I'll go ahead and get you a supervisor. There's just two things before I do. First, it'll be a bit of a wait, probably around fifteen to twenty minutes (due to very few supers after a certain time, and extreeeemely high call volumes lately
). Second, the call I had before you? They also had to pay to get reconnected. Their father has a machine that helps his lungs to do his breathing for him. And THEY'RE not getting reconnected today. Since they're not, and they have a serious condition, you ARE NOT GOING TO be reconnected today. But I'll still get you that supervisor if you want one. Who, me? Brain? Nah...
In which I play dumb because they're playing dumb...
Me: May I have your account number please?
SC: My what number?
Me: Account number.
SC: Phone number?
Me: ACCOUNT number!
SC: *spits out a phone number*
Me: I'm sorry, that doesn't bring up an account, are you sure that's your account number?
SC: Well what number you want then!?
*headdesk*
or...
Me: May I have your account number please?
SC: *spits out a phone number*
Me: That... doesn't have enough numbers to be an account number.
SC: That's cause I don't have my bill!
Me: Oh, okay, well then what number is that?
SC: My PHONE number!
Me: Ohhh, okay! Just one minute while I do a search for you.
(If they had just asked to use phone instead I would be more obliging instead of trying to spit numbers at me.)
or my favorite...
Me: And may I have your name please?
SC: Jane Doe is the name on the account.
Me: Thank you, and may I have YOUR name please?
SC: John Doe, (insert full address and phone number and social here)
Me: *thinking to myself* Well my my, that's such a long name, I really do have to wonder what your parents were thinking. *facepalm*
New source of puppy chow.
I didn't have this one as a call, but someone gave me an account number to look at due to an interesting conversation with this person, and I was reading over the notes history...
Apparently, at some point, this lady had her service shut off. And was pissed, of course. Not because she hadn't paid in almost a year. But that we had the audacity to turn her lights off. She yelled at every single person she spoke with, using the foulest language she could. Finally, after she paid, she was told she'd be on within 12 hours. Decent timeframe. Not for her.
The field worker went out to reconnect her. Not sure exactly what happened, but from what I get from the notes, she physically assaulted him somehow, and in the process of defending himself he thumped her with his clipboard on the arm. Probably not even hard enough to bruise. She called in to us stating she was suing because he hit her...
During all this, she still wasn't reconnected, because she had vengance in her eyes against the company and wouldn't let the field worker near the meter in her attempt to carry it out. Thus, she was even more pissed off. Oh, and as he was leaving, and she was yelling, she stated that he better come back and turn her on like he was supposed to or she'd let her two pit bulls EAT HIM. Thus, the police were called and an alert put on the account that the field worker must have a police escort to have her reconnected. Just makes you want to ask... did she even THINK that he was going to turn her on and endure physical and verbal threats while doing it? Never ever mess with people who provide basic necessities.
Double trouble, spoil and... steak.
(I'm tired so sue me.
)Not my call, but someone had called in at one point, had been disconnected, and just paid the full balance on the account plus reconnection fees and security deposit, totalling well over a couple thousand dollars. Then called in to have us reconnect him. Unfortunately, it was past the 12:30 same day reconnection window, and it's friday. So lucky him, he gets to wait until monday to be reconnected.
Now he's upset because he paid the full balance and thinks he gets preferential treatment because of it. NEWS FLASH, buckethead, you owed us that money for services rendered. You are JUST NOW getting caught up in our eyes, not ahead. And waiting until you are already off to say "Oh, gee, I should pay my bill!"? Bad move.
His next comment... "I just bought 500 dollars worth of steak, it's going to spoil!"
Instead of buying steak... since you could obviously afford to do that AND still pay a couple thousand to us without blinking... PAY YOUR BILL BEFORE YOU'RE OFF and you'll be okay! *headpat* Now go find a propane grill and start your party, you have a lot of steak to eat.
-----
Probably more to tell, but head is killing me and I must sleep soon for another week to start tomorrow. I feel like a two year old right now... I want to throw a tantrum. Along the lines of "I don't wanna" and "wahhhhh"
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