Lawsuits that Never Were

[MMATM]

It may take a couple days, but it wouldn't be difficult for them to find potential cases.

WARNING! Excessive faith in humanity detected! Please step over to the side and allow the security personnel to strip-search you and remove every last article of FIH on your person! There's a one-bag, three-ounces, three-bottles rule for a reason*!

If you believe it would take any longer than eighty minutes on even the best of days (because no SC would wait for "no goddamn hour'n a half!" in line before the threats started) then you seriously overestimate the lack of suckitude that is human nature.



*However, the reason is the brainchild of possibly the most flawed reasoning this side of blowing-yourself-up-and-killing-lots-of-innocent-people-means-you-get-[large number]-virgins-to-eternally-satisfy-you-in-the-afterlife.

[Jadedcarguy]

repeating his threats to sue the company and the individual employees who happened to get in his way.

He'd have bought that projector too if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!





*hides*

[Primer]

BTW have you ever talked to a person who is so obviously a heavy smoker than you litterly smell cigarette smoke when you talk to them? creepy....

It's the ragweed bloom, I swear!!

[Jadedcarguy]

SO I own this little dry cleaners in the DC area and one day we had this JUDGE walk in...

The ultimate I'm gonna sue

That SOB was still trying to appeal last I heard.

[Linda]

I had a great one whilst working for the golden arches...

A guy came through drive thru and bought various meals and took them home. From what I can gather, he was dishing out the food to his various family members, placing the items on his coffee table. He put straws into each of the cups on the table. Quite normal so far? He then went to sit down, but because of the way he tried to sit and the low height of the coffee table, he somehow managed to poke one of the straws from the cups in his eye. Yes, he poked himself in the eye with a straw.

The guy phoned us absolutely furious that we had apparently blinded him, and that he was going to sue, get Environmental Health onto us etc etc. We just couldn't see how him poking himself in the eye in his own home was our fault, so the GM told him he was welcome to do what he had to do.

The next day, we had Environmental Health turn up to investigate the sharpness of the straws and how far they stuck out of a cup, and to do various experiments with combinations of cup/table/straw heights and angles. They took samples of straws, they took samples of cups. But we never heard from the guy (and his lawyer) again.

[draftermatt]

We had a contractor try to get us for $60,000.00 for "Delaying his job" we went through the file and sent him over 100 pages of us trying to get information out of him without a response. One of which was a letter he wrote saying "I'm not answering this unless you send it 10 more times" after we had already sent it 3 times.

He dropped his argument shortly after.

[Imogene]

That SOB was still trying to appeal last I heard.

Erm... can I have a freakin' clue?
What judge?

[MMATM]

Erm... can I have a freakin' clue?
What judge?

Short version:
Judge drops off pants (expensive pants) at dry cleaners. Leaves.
Time passes.
Judge comes back, pants have been misplaced. Judge flips out, threatens to sue cleaning company for exorbitantly high price (read: roughly 10,000+ times more than cost of pants) because they have a "satisfaction guaranteed" sign.
Time passes.
Pants are found. Judge says that they aren't his. Judge sues for exorbitantly high price.
Time passes.
Case is thrown out of court because it is ridiculous. Judge appeals.
Time passes.
Case is thrown out of higher court, because it is ridiculous. Judge appeals.
Time passes.

Long version:
http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=3269485

[yomiko]

You forgot the part where the dry cleaners get fed up and close the shop. And of course the fact that the judiciary has already informed this upstanding member of the bar that his contract/mandate/whatever will not be extended once it expires after this term.

[Broomjockey]

The next day, we had Environmental Health turn up to investigate the sharpness of the straws and how far they stuck out of a cup, and to do various experiments with combinations of cup/table/straw heights and angles. They took samples of straws, they took samples of cups. But we never heard from the guy (and his lawyer) again.

Wha? but... huh? Uh... :wanders off, confused:

[AKATHEPOOF]

Where i used to work, a neurology clinic, i would get about one of those a day. Now that im at an eye clinic, its more like one a month. It always has to do with us being responsible for the SC/patients death, and how there gonna come after us and sue our asses for causing the death. "if i die it will be your fault" really just makes me wonder what moron sits on their butt at home if they have life-threatening problems, thinking about all the money some friggen lawyers gonna make their family members after they die. Get your ass to the ER. and 10 times out of 10, the person in no way had a life threatening disease/symptoms.

I also had some chick threaten to sue our entire corporation, the doctor, and me personally when i refused to sign a paper that said we would get her medical records to her by X date and that they would contain stuff we didn't have. I didn't even work in medical records. i was just the person that checked her in for her appoinment. I believe she was terminated afterwards for verbally attacking the doctor and trying to get him to sign illegal documents.

[Becks]

Ya know, these asshats don't get a clue, because we've all seen the commercials--especially during the morning/afternoon hours--with shady lawyers offering to take your case for whatever reason.

I'm on to you, Peter Francis Gerasci!!! (sp?)

But I'm sure that most of the idiots threatening to sue get laughed out the lawyers office if they even make it that far. Hell how many of 'em get laughed at by their spouses and friends before even getting to see the lawyer.

I'm not sure of exact numbers, but I'd love to see videos of it.

[Tigress]

When I worked at Cingular, I had a woman bitch about how her phone didn't work and then got right in my face and said in a threatening tone, "I have a friend... who is a lawyer."

I went with my usual non-response, but I was thinking, "Really? Is your friend going to represent you pro bono? If not, is the $500 she'll charge you really worth fighting over the Nokia POS you got for free?"

[TheButlerDiditt]

We had a man who lives above one of our stores open his window and look out as we were cleaning our window awnings (what idiot would do that?). He claimed the chemicals within the cleaning spray's mist got in his eyes. He went to the hospital and then to an eye specialist for treatment.

Our awnings are cleaned with a simple solution of water and Dawn dish soap.

[Becks]

His expression-less face and that dead-pan voice

Kinda reminds me of...what's his name? Ben Stein?

Cousins, perhaps?