Neighbor's Kid, Round Two. (long, need some parenting wisdom)

[Pixilated]

Disclaimer: I have no kids.

Having said that, the incident with the frogs sent up a HUGE red flag to me. She would've been gone out of my yard so fast she'd have left a hole in the air, and she would be prohibited from ever coming back ... and if she did, I would be looking very quickly for legal options to make sure her return was a one-time-only event. Her giggly delight in torturing animals is a seriously scary sign. She's already manipulating your kids and doesn't hesitate to do things -- repeatedly -- that make them cry. I can't imagine it will be long before she graduates to something even worse.

I'm not sure why you think standing up to her will make your family the "bad guys" in the neighbourhood, if this sort of thing is normal behaviour for her. Is her family well-to-do, or perhaps just really pushy and bossy, and has just intimidated everybody else into looking the other way?

As tough as it may be, your kids' safety has to come first, and that includes their mental safety. If she is allowed to keep coming back, that tells your kids that, whatever you may say, you are actually OK with what she's doing. You don't want to go down that road.

[nomnom]

OP, I joined this forum to reply to your post.

Now, your kids play with two kids. Mab and the nice kid. So, the only people whom you need to convince is NK's parents. I don't think that would be an issue given their kid is well behaved possibly due to good parenting.

Meet up with them. Bring the subject to Mab and ask them how she has been with NK. Im sure if Mab plays with NK, they may also have had similar experiences. slowly feel out the scenario, and tell them about the little psycho. I'm sure they will be on your side.

The above does not apply if NK and Mab are twins. Might even work if they are cousins.

[MoonCat]

Just wanted to add, I know it's upsetting to think bad things about a child. Children should be loved and protected. Well, it doesn't sound like this child's parents are doing their job, and she's turning out to be someone who's going to be a danger to society. Very shortly, from the sound of things. There are kids who went around setting fires and doing other horrible things before they were placed in institutions for their own, as well as other people's, safety. So don't feel bad about banning this kid from your yard and family. It may not be this kid's fault that she's like this, but you can't change that.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Disclaimer: I do not have kids.

That said, my personal belief is that, as a parent, your #1 priority should be the well-being of your children. You care for them, provide for them (work), and protect them-- and that includes from bad influences.

Mab has all the signs of a sociopath from your description. I'm not someone who puts a lot of stock in what people think of me, but if I was given a choice between my children being safe, and being a pariah in the neighborhood? I'd choose my children. Always.

Ban Mab and inform her parents of what she's doing, and make sure everyone else knows what Mab has been doing that you can confirm (bossy behavior to you, disobeying you, and lying about not being fed). I wouldn't mention the frogs thing to the neighbors unless you can confirm for yourself that it actually happened.

[gremcint]

I go outside, tell Mab to cut it out. Literally. And that if stuff keeps going on, she'll need to go home. Mab pouts, but walks off from the hose.

STOP you just taught her that you won't follow through. You threaten once and then follow through. You said next time there'd be consequences and then there wasn't. You send her home right now, not later, not next time now.

Next time she's over don't even threaten, first time she does it just send home. right now she's learned she gets two warnings before her fun is over.

[telecom_goddess]

Everyone else has it right on the mark.....with the banning and whatnot. I'm just adding my support.

[scary cary]

Yes please ban her. Growing up we had a similar kid and my mom also threatened to ban her. She let it all slide until she realized Mab-like-girl was stealing money out of my piggybank (I was saving so I never checked it but my mom would put money in it for me). After mom banned Mab-like-girl my little brother told us he was happy because Mab-like-girl used to hit him!!!

Growing up I would see Mab-like-girl in school. Now I'm 26 and a productive member of society. Mab-like-girl has been to jail a few times (I've looked her up in our inmate search). Interestingly enough, I would sometimes be accidentally pulled into the deans office in school because Mab-like-girl and I have the same name.

Kids like that... well they really are more trouble than they're worth. And I agree with others saying that she *will* hurt your kids. Maybe she has already and they're too scared to say anything

[Seraph]

On a side note, mab showed up today, and I told her no playtime today. Didn't even get that out of my mouth before my oldest popped up and said "You're mean to frogs. Why are you being so mean?" Mab just kinda stuttered and walked away. My kids just kinda watched her leave and were like "ok, back to puzzles now!"

Meet up with them. Bring the subject to Mab and ask them how she has been with NK. Im sure if Mab plays with NK, they may also have had similar experiences. slowly feel out the scenario, and tell them about the little psycho. I'm sure they will be on your side.

Good point, and very true. Mab and NK do play a lot together as well, so I betcha she's seen it before.

you just taught her that you won't follow through. You threaten once and then follow through. You said next time there'd be consequences and then there wasn't. You send her home right now, not later, not next time now

Yep, my bad for that one. /sigh

[PepperElf]

STOP you just taught her that you won't follow through. You threaten once and then follow through. You said next time there'd be consequences and then there wasn't. You send her home right now, not later, not next time now.

Next time she's over don't even threaten, first time she does it just send home. right now she's learned she gets two warnings before her fun is over.

I have to agree with this.

Although I don't have kids... I know my Mom was FIRM on her limits. With us and with neighbor's kids too.

tried to shove a stick up its butt, and was laughing

That's not funny. That's not just animal abuse. If she was an adult that would be considered attempted rape of an animal with a foreign object.

And at age 8 she's old enough to know right from wrong.


I see nothing wrong in telling her mother EXACTLY what she was doing, and that she is not allowed to come over until she learns how to behave. (and maybe not even then)

[Victory Sabre]

On a side note, mab showed up today, and I told her no playtime today. Didn't even get that out of my mouth before my oldest popped up and said "You're mean to frogs. Why are you being so mean?" Mab just kinda stuttered and walked away. My kids just kinda watched her leave and were like "ok, back to puzzles now!"

I'd say that's even more reason to ban her - your kids don't want her around.

[Andara Bledin]

I would drop the banhammer and use it as a teaching moment for the kids. Other children who hurt animals on purpose and disobey adults willfully are DANGEROUS.

I was coming back in to post just this.

I'm glad to see that your kids have decided that they don't like it when people are mean to animals. That's a good sign that they're getting the right sort of message.

^-.-^

[gremcint]

On a side note, mab showed up today, and I told her no playtime today. Didn't even get that out of my mouth before my oldest popped up and said "You're mean to frogs. Why are you being so mean?" Mab just kinda stuttered and walked away. My kids just kinda watched her leave and were like "ok, back to puzzles now!"



Good point, and very true. Mab and NK do play a lot together as well, so I betcha she's seen it before.



Yep, my bad for that one. /sigh

too be fair it sounds like your kids are good enough that you don't get much practice at dealing with this behaviour, so just bask in the wonderfulness that are your children.

[Pixilated]

On a side note, mab showed up today, and I told her no playtime today. Didn't even get that out of my mouth before my oldest popped up and said "You're mean to frogs. Why are you being so mean?" Mab just kinda stuttered and walked away. My kids just kinda watched her leave and were like "ok, back to puzzles now!"

*snip*

to your oldest! Not only does she obviously know that Mab's actions are wrong, and not only does she dislike them ... she apparently managed to discomfit Mab! I'm sure Mab hears plenty of not-nice stuff from adults and has obviously learned to let it roll off her back, but I'm guessing she doesn't often get criticized by her peers.

And personally, I'd make the "no playtime today" permanent.

[Seraph]

Yep, just came to post that mab straight out avoided us today, she walked down to her other buddies' houses, and when they weren't home, completely snubbed our home. YAY. I think she got the point.

I *was* going to talk to her parents. I found out though, from someone else, that it'd probably be one of the worst ideas I ever had. So, just....gonna stick to the ban, and see what happens.

[Zellie Crescent]

Let me guess, her parents are worse than her.