Creative Responses

[NateTheChops]

After months and months of being asked the same question at least a million and one times I've been forced to come up with creative-but polite-responses to ease the monotany. Most of these responses actually get a laugh from the customers. Other times they look at me like a deer caught in headlights. (If only I could actually run them over)

Here are some such scenarios:

Question: Do you got any deals on cigarettes?

My reply is usually something along the lines of no, or only if the manufacturer sends them. Lately it's been something like this.

1: Yes, if you buy one pack for full price you get the second one at the exact same price.

2: Yes, all this week if you pay full price you get it.

[Golden Phoenix]

"All this week, buy half a pack of cigarettes for the price of a full one and we'll give you the other half free"

"Yeah, if you buy two it's only (insert price of one pack doubled)"

[rerant]

When I worked at IKEA I used to get a lot of the same questions or statements from customers all the time so I did the same thing.

Customer: I had the breakfast but I had to asemble it myself. har har
Me: Just wait until it comes time to retun it, then you won't be laughing.

Me: Would you like delivery/assembly?
Customer: Will you be the one delivering/assembling it?
Me: If you have to ask you can't afford it.

Customer: So now do I have to go over to the delivery counter to give them my address?
Me: Nope, we wish it to you.

Customer: I'm trying to buy a couch but you're telling me I have to bring it to the cash lanes. It won't fit on the cart/through the gates.
Me: That was the goal when this place was built: to make everything as impossible as we could. (Which was then followed up with me saying that yes, couches DO fit on carts and they DO fit through the lanes, so long as you employ the slightest ounce of logic and not place them on the carts horizontally.)

I know there were more but that's all I can think of right now.
I'm distracted by delicious potato wedges. Om nom nom.

[Evil Queen]

Oh yes, if you pay me you can actually stay The Whole Night!

[fma_fanatic]

Creative Resopnses

My SO's Favorites:

Q: Can I ask you a Question?
A: I believe you just did....

Q: Why is it everytime I find something I Like you stop Carrying it?
A: Karma?

Q: Can I bother you for a second?
A: Time's up.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Customer: So now do I have to go over to the delivery counter to give them my address?

No, someone will follow you home today and write down your address for us.

[MoonChild2007]

My bill is too high, is there anything you can do for me?

My response: Yeah, I could magically change the prices at the drop of a hat. Let me go into the computer and make the prices lower with my mind!

Can I have the interruption of service extended?

Response: Ma'am/sir, we have given you 2 months to pay your bill and all of sudden you want an extension? (Which is probably the reason why we don't offer extension in the first place)

[Ghengis51]

Customer: "can I have a rate sheet with all your prices"

Me: "Nope, we make you guess then tell you if you're right"

[Darkwish]

Customer: I had the breakfast but I had to asemble it myself. har har
Me: Just wait until it comes time to retun it, then you won't be laughing.

Anytime someone mentions IKEA from now on, this will come to mind. Thank you!

[powerboy]

No, someone will follow you home today and write down your address for us.

here's your sign

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

At the end of the day, I have to fill up some of the games with tickets. They come in these 2000 ticket blocks that I have to carry around and put in.

Never fails, every time someone who thinks they're clever shows up and says, "Hey, can I have one of those", or something close to it.

Tonight, I just started saying, "Sure... for 25 bucks."

Now, 2000 tickets is roughly equivalent to 20 dollars. True to my word, if someone hands me 25, I'll give them the tickets. Then I'll put it through a cashier for 20+tax, and pocket the change for having to deal with that moron.

[Fenrus]

Pocket the change? I dunno if I'd go that far... if the block's only 20+tax, shouldn't you only be charging the 20+tax to em?

Pocketing the change as a moron tax there just seems like stealing to me...

[smileyeagle1021]

Pocket the change? I dunno if I'd go that far... if the block's only 20+tax, shouldn't you only be charging the 20+tax to em?

Pocketing the change as a moron tax there just seems like stealing to me...

normally I'd agree... but the person is asking her that while she's trying to restock tickets in a game machine, not going up to the cashier like they are supposed to... she could just as easily tell them to go to hell and bugger off.

though I like my creative responses

guest- but I'll only be staying a few hours, can't you give me a discount.
me- sure, as long as you don't sleep on the bed, use the shower, or otherwise disturb anything in the room.
guest- well of course I'd use the bed and the shower... that's the point of using the room.
me- and once you use them I have to pay the housekeepers the same whether you are here for 4 hours or all night.
guest- oh

or

guest- why is the restaurant next door closed?
me- it's a conspiracy to allow their employees to see their families...

[SilverOrb]

Oh yes, if you pay me you can actually stay The Whole Night!

*cough cough*

It occurs to me... I might be hanging with my guy friends too much. I can find perversion in ANYTHING.

[Bagga]

From my post office days:

Customer "I want to send this parcel to ..."
cashier hands over a stamp.
Customer, puzzled, "Do I stick it on myself?"
cashier "No, stick it on the parcel"

Or my favourite, from when I sold cameras - I actually used this one and got away with it.

"I want a camera for my daughter"

"Ok, bring her in, I'll look her over and give you a quote"