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Hi all. I'm new (this is my first post in Sucky Customers, gulp) so a little background on what I do and my own particular brand of SCs might be in order...
I work in the criminal justice system. My SCs are often insane (certifiably sometimes) and even more often they've been convicted of something unpleasant. On fun occasions, when the fates really hate me, they're both criminal and certifiable, and I valiantly resist the urge to hide under my desk.
Even worse are the lawyers. (I'm sure there are very nice, competent lawyers out there. Sadly, I won't be writing about them).
In my various roles in this system, my duties include answering phone queries, dealing with people in person, and doing behind the scenes admin work. Admin work is good, because there are minimal in-person SCs.
Anyway, to start with, a single tale from early on in the job:
My first week
So I'm new to this area and after 3 days I'm just getting the hang of everything in the office. Unfortunately, this is when a SC walks in. I look up, and quite literally (upon making eye contact) the hair on the back of my neck stands up. This, I think, is probably a Bad Thing. SC stares at me. I stare at SC. I eventually recover enough sense to say "Good morning sir, how may I help you?"
SC: *stares blankly*
Me: Is there something I can help you with?
(wow, this is so not endearing me to the job)
SC: Yes miss.
(and that's not creepy, you talking to me like I'm your third grade teacher. Particularly as you're older than my father).
Me: ... so, what can I do for you?
SC: I want some information miss.
Me: O.K (speaking more slowly now) what sort of information?
(I can just tell this conversation is only going to get more painful)
SC: I was in prison miss (wow, really? You don't say) I want to appeal.
Me: You want to appeal a current charge?
SC: No, I wanna appeal the first charge, why I went to prison miss.
Me:... But you're out of prison now (unfortunately, some would say. Not me of course, oh no, I'm just thrilled you're able to grace me with your presence in person).
SC: Yes miss.
Me: So you've completed your sentence and now want to appeal the decision?
(Talk about shutting the gate after the horse has bolted, mate. This strikes me as rather... pointless. And stupid. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised because I have a feeling that sums up your entire existence.)
SC: Yes miss.
(I'm making a mental note never to call anyone miss, ever. It sounds unbelievably creepy coming from an adult).
Me: O.k. (I make an executive decision to humor the scary man. At least until he's out of earshot). I'll give you an information package that should be able to tell you everything you need to know. (And is specially designed for the... how do I say this nicely... less intellectually inclined members of the population. Even you, my scary friend, should be able to follow it).
Me: *hands over information package*
SC: Thank you miss. *stares blankly*
Me: Uh (what are you looking at me like that for? Is there something on my nose? In my teeth? Or... I just became your next meal, didn't I? DIDN'T I?) You're welcome.
SC: *stares blankly*
Me: (resists urge to run screaming) .. Is there something else I can help you with?
SC: No miss. Thank you. *stares before finally turning to leave*.
Me: (oh thank jebus on a stick)
My boss then comes over. We watch the Scary Man leave and the door close and she turns to me and says, "Well done. That was Mr X."
Me: You *know* him?
Boss: Oh yes. Did you notice how he called you miss?
Me: I had picked up on that, somehow.
Boss: That's because he's been institutionalized. He's well known in the system, he's got a reputation. Incidentally, he got convicted of wilful murder. Don't ever, ever give him your name.
Me: (horrified silence). O.k.... (welcome, Amelius, to the justice system).
(Note: Mr X has not yet attempted to eat me, though he did return to the office a few weeks later. I fear, though, that it's only a matter of time...)
I work in the criminal justice system. My SCs are often insane (certifiably sometimes) and even more often they've been convicted of something unpleasant. On fun occasions, when the fates really hate me, they're both criminal and certifiable, and I valiantly resist the urge to hide under my desk.
Even worse are the lawyers. (I'm sure there are very nice, competent lawyers out there. Sadly, I won't be writing about them).
In my various roles in this system, my duties include answering phone queries, dealing with people in person, and doing behind the scenes admin work. Admin work is good, because there are minimal in-person SCs.
Anyway, to start with, a single tale from early on in the job:
My first week
So I'm new to this area and after 3 days I'm just getting the hang of everything in the office. Unfortunately, this is when a SC walks in. I look up, and quite literally (upon making eye contact) the hair on the back of my neck stands up. This, I think, is probably a Bad Thing. SC stares at me. I stare at SC. I eventually recover enough sense to say "Good morning sir, how may I help you?"
SC: *stares blankly*
Me: Is there something I can help you with?
(wow, this is so not endearing me to the job)
SC: Yes miss.
(and that's not creepy, you talking to me like I'm your third grade teacher. Particularly as you're older than my father).
Me: ... so, what can I do for you?
SC: I want some information miss.
Me: O.K (speaking more slowly now) what sort of information?
(I can just tell this conversation is only going to get more painful)
SC: I was in prison miss (wow, really? You don't say) I want to appeal.
Me: You want to appeal a current charge?
SC: No, I wanna appeal the first charge, why I went to prison miss.
Me:... But you're out of prison now (unfortunately, some would say. Not me of course, oh no, I'm just thrilled you're able to grace me with your presence in person).
SC: Yes miss.
Me: So you've completed your sentence and now want to appeal the decision?
(Talk about shutting the gate after the horse has bolted, mate. This strikes me as rather... pointless. And stupid. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised because I have a feeling that sums up your entire existence.)
SC: Yes miss.
(I'm making a mental note never to call anyone miss, ever. It sounds unbelievably creepy coming from an adult).
Me: O.k. (I make an executive decision to humor the scary man. At least until he's out of earshot). I'll give you an information package that should be able to tell you everything you need to know. (And is specially designed for the... how do I say this nicely... less intellectually inclined members of the population. Even you, my scary friend, should be able to follow it).
Me: *hands over information package*
SC: Thank you miss. *stares blankly*
Me: Uh (what are you looking at me like that for? Is there something on my nose? In my teeth? Or... I just became your next meal, didn't I? DIDN'T I?) You're welcome.
SC: *stares blankly*
Me: (resists urge to run screaming) .. Is there something else I can help you with?
SC: No miss. Thank you. *stares before finally turning to leave*.
Me: (oh thank jebus on a stick)
My boss then comes over. We watch the Scary Man leave and the door close and she turns to me and says, "Well done. That was Mr X."
Me: You *know* him?
Boss: Oh yes. Did you notice how he called you miss?
Me: I had picked up on that, somehow.
Boss: That's because he's been institutionalized. He's well known in the system, he's got a reputation. Incidentally, he got convicted of wilful murder. Don't ever, ever give him your name.
Me: (horrified silence). O.k.... (welcome, Amelius, to the justice system).
(Note: Mr X has not yet attempted to eat me, though he did return to the office a few weeks later. I fear, though, that it's only a matter of time...)
And yes, that's a spine-tingling creepfest, if you ask me. I'm sure you have some stories about some real winners in that field, and we're all looking forward to hearing them... And though I'm not a Lawyer yet, I hope to avoid becoming one of your stories myself 
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