Well, here we go again....

[xaenon]

The past four months have been difficult. Aw, who'm I kidding? It's been a downhill spiral since 2003. But the last three months or so have been absolutely unbearable.

In May, I was more-or-less coerced into quitting a job I'd had for six years. Hours cut drastically, to the point that it wasn't worth driving 30-odd miles to the job. Of course, technically speaking I left 'voluntarily', so I'm not eligible for unemployment. Yes, I tried. Amazing all the ways they have to get around things, isn't it?

I did, however, have a part-time job at a convenience store, and I felt I could probably finagle full-time there, so it didn't seem so tragic. But, unfortunately, there wasn't any of the usual turnover going on at the C-store. The boss-man said it was the first time in like two years he'd had the same staff for more than six months. I was stuck at 16 to 24 hours a week. Still, it was SOMETHING to help out while I looked for other work.

In mid-July, I finally broke down and signed on with a temp agency, though I basically had to badger them into sending me to a packaging job. $8 an hour, only 35 hours a week, but at least it was money coming in.

BUT….. it interfered with the C-store job, so I was forced to quit there.

Unfortunately, nobody at the temp agency told me the packing gig was a specific-length assignment. They led me to believe it was temp-to-hire. And it wasn't. That shoe fell Friday. Ironically, on the eve of Labor Day weekend. That's right - on the three-day weekend where this country celebrates and honors its hard-working citizens, I was freshly out of a badly-needed job. As you might imagine, I certainly wasn't in a mood to celebrate anything.

Friends, things are looking pretty damned grim right now. I'd fallen behind in the rent, but told myself that if I could just keep this packing job until I was hired on , I'd be able to get caught up again. And now that's quite impossible.

I don't know, it just seems like every decision I make just leads me down the wrong road - even if, in hindsight, I'm certain I made the right decision. Indeed, in most instances, it wasn't even really a 'decision' at all.

I've been through some tough times before, but I get the horrible feeling that this time, I'm well and truly done. There's almost nothing left in the bank accounts, and my last paycheck - for 28 hours' work - will be Friday. And then that's it.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. And the really fucked up thing is, I can't figure out why I even try anymore.

[tropicsgoddess]

Can you ask the agency for more assignments? I know it sucks with all the jobs cutting back and not getting a permanent position at the job the agency (proverbially) signed you on for. If the agency takes a while to find you assignments, look around ads online, newspapers and such while you can. I'm not sure what they call it in your area, but also try the Workforce One offices to see what they have for you. Just to tide you over, apply for unemployment. This time you should be eligible since you left the temp job involuntarily.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

You're tired from being worried all the time. Yes, you've had every right to worry, but I suspect that this is from that.
You have a lot of questions before you.
1) how badly do you want to keep your place?
2) how badly do you want to keep your stuff?
3) who do you have to answer to?
4) who do you care about? (ie dependents, spouse, family, animals...)
5) how far do you want to move, if at all?
6) how much money do you need?
7) where can you go?
8) and perhaps encompassing all of this is... what do you need? What do you want?
... from what I understand, North Dakota needs people...

[xaenon]

Can you ask the agency for more assignments? I know it sucks with all the jobs cutting back and not getting a permanent position at the job the agency (proverbially) signed you on for. If the agency takes a while to find you assignments, look around ads online, newspapers and such while you can. I'm not sure what they call it in your area, but also try the Workforce One offices to see what they have for you. Just to tide you over, apply for unemployment. This time you should be eligible since you left the temp job involuntarily.

I've been doing most of this since it became apparent I wouldn't be able to keep that job I'd had for six years. When I asked for another assignment, he temp agency gave the me standard canned response "We'll put you back on the list of available....yada yada yada. Heard it before. Loosely translated, it means "don't hold your breath". Gonna try the unemployment agency tomorrow, much as I hate to. I hope you're right about being eligible now.

Interestingly, I filed a couple of online applications with a couple of those online 'employment' websites. No bites, but within one hour I had three phone calls from a 'service' (and I use the term loosely) called US Higher Learning. Apparently some student-loan broker, and apparently of questionable legitimacy. On LABOR DAY, no less. Gee, not suspicious at all....

[xaenon]

You're tired from being worried all the time. Yes, you've had every right to worry, but I suspect that this is from that.
You have a lot of questions before you.
1) how badly do you want to keep your place?
2) how badly do you want to keep your stuff?
3) who do you have to answer to?
4) who do you care about? (ie dependents, spouse, family, animals...)
5) how far do you want to move, if at all?
6) how much money do you need?
7) where can you go?
8) and perhaps encompassing all of this is... what do you need? What do you want?
... from what I understand, North Dakota needs people...

And therein lies the problem. These questions (more or less) have been running around in my head for several months. And for the life of me, I can't seem to answer ANY of them. It just seems so damned pointless anymore. The money I need is more than I'm going to see anytime soon. I don't really want to move, nor do I have the money to do so, but by the same token, I'm not going to be able to stay. I don't have a lot of stuff that's worth anything, really, but on the other hand I'd really rather not have to replace it, even though most of it IS secondhand crap. If I have to move, I'd love to just chuck it all and go where nobody's ever heard of me and start over, but is that a real solution or just a pipe dream? Etc, etc, etc.

THIS is what scares the hell out of me. The jaws of the trap are closing and I can't make the damned decision, because all my past decisions have been such turkeys.

[1756GR2]

Could I offer some experience with temp agencies? Register with as many as you can find in your area, and call each one two or three times a week to check in on any openings. I was told by two of three that I registered with that I was put at the head of the list because I did call to check in - they complimented me and told me that they give more attention to the ones who show their interest.

Don't be afraid to ask an employer if their intention is to find someone permanent through the temp position. Maybe not on the first day, but let them know that you're looking for permanent work. Something might come along. That way, too, you won't be blindsided if it's not going to go anywhere.

I wish I had some good fix-it-fast advice on the rest of the dilemma. Been there recently, still digging myself out of the hole. So while sympathy doesn't help with much, it's all I have in unlimited quantities.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Option: homeless shelter. Hear me out.
Many shelters have a system for their tenants/clients to get back on their feet. You can look for a job, and not have the stress of having rent, food, etc bills pile up, and when you do find a job, and get enough money for rent/deposit/etc, you can get your stuff out of storage (what you chose to keep), and give something back to the shelter, and go from there.
I'd at least go and ask at various shelters. The only scary people there are the insane ones. ... But that's for Fratching. They might know of other resources you can use, so that you don't have to bounce around.
EDIT: do you have any hobbies, or passions? People you care about? This might be a good time to throw yourself into that, even if just for some relief from the day-to-day horrible.

[xaenon]

Option: homeless shelter. Hear me out.
Many shelters have a system for their tenants/clients to get back on their feet. You can look for a job, and not have the stress of having rent, food, etc bills pile up, and when you do find a job, and get enough money for rent/deposit/etc, you can get your stuff out of storage (what you chose to keep), and give something back to the shelter, and go from there.
I'd at least go and ask at various shelters. The only scary people there are the insane ones. ... But that's for Fratching. They might know of other resources you can use, so that you don't have to bounce around.
EDIT: do you have any hobbies, or passions? People you care about? This might be a good time to throw yourself into that, even if just for some relief from the day-to-day horrible.

You raise some valid points, and I do appreciate your input. Homeless shelter might not be so much an 'option' as 'necessity' at this point, though. I've been through this bit once before and it was misery - to the point where I actually preferred to sleep in my car, at least before the real cold weather moved in. My point of contention with the shelter was they kept pressuring me to sell the car to raise the money for an apartment. I couldn't seem to make them understand that the car was an asset worth far more than its trade in value - in that, with a car, I had the means to get to MANY more jobs than were available to me by public transportation. If it wasn't for the car, I'd have been there far, FAR longer than I was. I was also very aggravated at the constant implication that I was in my particular situation because of alcohol, and they pretty much wanted to force me into attending AA meetings. One problem with their theory - I don't drink. Like, EVER. I'm one of those weird ones who just doesn't like it. I can count on a single hand the number of times I've been drunk in my life. SERIOUSLY. And I hate people telling me I'm an alcoholic when I'm not, then spewing their self- reinforcing mantra that 'yes I am and I'm in denial about it'.

And, as you may have guessed, I'm not all that enthusiastic at the prospect of doing it again. I guess nobody would be, really, but having done it once before gives me deep sense of dread.

Look, (and this is addressed to everybody!), I didn't mean to bring everybody down about this. I just wanted a chance to vent a little, y'know? You've no idea how much this helps me, just talking about it. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one the world ever craps on, and it makes me feel a lot better to know that I'm not alone in the outhouse basement. Thank you all - I mean that.

[Seshat]

Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one the world ever craps on, and it makes me feel a lot better to know that I'm not alone in the outhouse basement. Thank you all - I mean that.

I've been unable to work since I was 21. Trust me, life on a disability pension is no bed of roses. (Rose thorns, maybe)

Admittedly, it's a secure income. Well, semi-secure. (Governments keep talking about tightening qualifications for what makes someone 'disabled')

But there's no possibility of progress. And in the meantime, medications and treatments and medical visits and other expenses keep coming in....


<shrug>

Yeah. You're not the only one the world craps on. Honest.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Xaenon, those people were just stupid. I mean, seriously. You get that in volunteer services sometimes, just like in csr, and anywhere. If someone does that to you again, just leave and find somewhere where they can see you aren't shaky because of booze. ... Why did they think you were a lush? Or were these the types who think 'there has to be something wrong for anyone to be homeless?' (DUH something's wrong it's called the economy bitches...)
talking is what they do in therapy, y'know.
And, the only way you're 'bringing me down' because of this is because I empathize with you-- I don't want you to feel like your life's turned to ashes, no one wants that. I'm here, trying to help... somehow... with words...
and I mean it about the hobby thing. >_>

[xaenon]

Xaenon, those people were just stupid. I mean, seriously. You get that in volunteer services sometimes, just like in csr, and anywhere. If someone does that to you again, just leave and find somewhere where they can see you aren't shaky because of booze. ... Why did they think you were a lush? Or were these the types who think 'there has to be something wrong for anyone to be homeless?' (DUH something's wrong it's called the economy bitches...)
talking is what they do in therapy, y'know.
And, the only way you're 'bringing me down' because of this is because I empathize with you-- I don't want you to feel like your life's turned to ashes, no one wants that. I'm here, trying to help... somehow... with words...
and I mean it about the hobby thing. >_>

In their defense, I suppose that there MIGHT be a higher number of alcoholics amongst the homeless, and I *CAN* see where one might be the cause of the other - AND I can suppose that it might work either direction.

But I actually had that conversation with the people who ran a shelter. "You need to get to an AA meeting." Why? "So you can deal with your problem." I don't have a problem that AA can help with. "Yes, you do. You're just in denial." No, I'm not. "See? You just denied it." This went on for several minutes - his entire basis for believing I was an alcoholic was because I denied it. It never once occurred to him that some people REALLY aren't alcoholic.

The other thing that aggravated me to no end was the constant (and I do mean CONSTANT) badgering by the overly-religious. No, this isn't me going into fratching territory - it is just a simple comment that I have my own beliefs, and I'm happy to let others have theirs, PROVIDED I don't have to listen to them yammer on about it. But all the time with the fliers and mantra and those damned little booklets. I'll take 'People Who Won't Take NO For An Answer" for $100, Alex.

Ugh.

A hobby isn't really feasible right now, much as I'd like to have something to take my mind off things.

Well, I'm gonna go get some sleep. Tomorrow's another fight.

[Peppergirl]

What sort of work do you do, xaenon? The place my son works for is always looking for help, but it's hard ass manual labor. It's also on the West-side and if memory serves, you're an east-sider, right?

Let me know...

[xaenon]

What sort of work do you do, xaenon? The place my son works for is always looking for help, but it's hard ass manual labor. It's also on the West-side and if memory serves, you're an east-sider, right?

Let me know...

For the most part, I'm okay to work general labor - factory assembly, warehouse, forklift, that sort of thing. Heavy lifting and the like is a no-no for me thanks to a back injury from about 11 or 12 years ago.

I've been unable to work since I was 21. Trust me, life on a disability pension is no bed of roses. (Rose thorns, maybe)

Admittedly, it's a secure income. Well, semi-secure. (Governments keep talking about tightening qualifications for what makes someone 'disabled')

But there's no possibility of progress. And in the meantime, medications and treatments and medical visits and other expenses keep coming in....

<shrug>

Yeah. You're not the only one the world craps on. Honest.

I apologize if I offended. It really wasn't my intent to minimize the hardships that the disabled have to put up with. I guess I really need to think more clearly before I say some things, huh?

In retrospect, I suppose I should count myself fortunate that I'm at least able to work. I just wish someone would give me the opportunity without all the damned games everybody wants to play.

[Peppergirl]

For the most part, I'm okay to work general labor - factory assembly, warehouse, forklift, that sort of thing. Heavy lifting and the like is a no-no for me thanks to a back injury from about 11 or 12 years ago.

Unfortunately, it does involve alot of heavy lifting, but I'll definitely keep my eyes and ears open for you. PM me if needed.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

In their defense, I suppose that there MIGHT be a higher number of alcoholics amongst the homeless, and I *CAN* see where one might be the cause of the other - AND I can suppose that it might work either direction.<snip> It never once occurred to him that some people REALLY aren't alcoholic.

and that's why they're idiots. Yeah, you could've very well been one... but if that's all they got, then ? Yeah, there is a disproportionate number of the homeless population that are alcoholics (and druggies, and clinically insane), but insisting?

The other thing that aggravated me to no end was the constant (and I do mean CONSTANT) badgering by the overly-religious. No, this isn't me going into fratching territory - it is just a simple comment that I have my own beliefs, and I'm happy to let others have theirs, PROVIDED I don't have to listen to them yammer on about it. But all the time with the fliers and mantra and those damned little booklets. I'll take 'People Who Won't Take NO For An Answer" for $100, Alex.

I'm religious (and have passed materials out before) and I find those types annoying! No worries! Whether it's coupons for a sandwich store or stuff that will save your life/soul, people should and do have the right to choose-- and to be free from harassment!

Well, I'm gonna go get some sleep. Tomorrow's another fight.

yes, yes it is.