Naked Justice

[Mr Hero]

My first thought after seeing the topic title: "For great naked justice!"

Porcelain Cats[/B][/U]

Me: “How may I help you?”
SC: “Well, first of all you could put some different music on for the on hold music. You put this awful razzmatazz!”

……razzmatazz…..I don’t really think our on hold music qualifies as razzmatazz as that kind of implies some sort of excitement occuring. It’s really more of of a brain numbing elevator jazz. That aside though you sound….actually kind of offended somehow that our on hold music does not meet your standards. But that can’t be right, because that would be crazy and I’m sure you’re a perfectly normal 107 year old person.


SC: “YOU put this HORRIBLE music on!”

You’re…not going to let this go are you? You’re seriously upset about this somehow? I do not understand. Precisely what did you expect to get as on hold music? Playing any actual music brings up a myriad of licensing concerns. That’s why every company on the planet uses a generic little on hold tune. It’s because it’s cheaper and won’t get us sued.

Next time she calls, offer to change your hold music to one of the many fine selections offered by MC Shake & Bake.

[ceallaig]

Can't believe the War of the Roses is still going on ... and that one of them hasn't been arrested for killing the other .... GK, you have an entirely sucky job, and I shouldn't be having such a good time reading your travails, but ... dang, you are often the most entertaining thing in my day!

[Talon]

Naked Justice

That sounds like a spin-off of the TV show NYPD Blue

If you were a criminal scoping out a place to rob, which would deter you more: A building with a “Secured By ADT” sign on the front lawn? Or a building where there’s a totally naked dude sitting out front on a lawn chair with nothing by a walkie talkie and a pair of handcuffs?

We could eliminate property crime in the city in under a month.

I say up the ante, and equip the Naked Security Squad with pistol-gripped dildos. Forget a month, I project complete elimination of property crime within 48 hours.

I don’t unleash this unspeakable power for just anything you know. Is he being arrested? Is he in custody? Did he inadvertently summon Cthulu to devour our world? Because those are really the only 3 scenarios that require me to contact anyone on this account: Arrest, Custody, Cthulu.

I didn't think it was possible for you to top the "Naked Security Squad" in terms of hilarity, and you proved me wrong.

Come to think of it, I imagine there's a 4th scenario that could warrant your unleashing the unspeakable power. Possibly involving the Naked Security Squad, the aforementioned pistol-gripped dildo, and charges of police "brutality". Probably don't want to imagine too much on that scenario though...

[Megg]

I should know better than to drink anything while reading GK.

MC Shake & Bake was nowhere to be seen this evening. I can only assume that he has succumbed to Bubonic Swine Hepatitus.

Aww, so no clandestine recordings for us? Darn.

[IDontWorkHere]

I was so hoping for story time! But I suppose Naked Justice will suffice

[Ironclad Alibi]

I just like how he not only freely admitted it, but blamed it for his inability to catch the suspect in question. Like he totally would have had the guy if he had pants on.

If only all the pants had not been shipped to Nunavut.

naked justice makes me think of a super hero in nothing but boots, cape and mask for some reason...what?

Well, we do have Captain Underpants.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

A Moment Of Mourning

MC Shake & Bake was nowhere to be seen this evening.

I think I know where he and DJ MethHed are hiding, or at least why.

They're huddled somewhere in their lairs, perfecting their "phat beats" so they can compete in THIS.

GK, you know that you're going to have to watch this to see if anyone looks familiar.

Puppies!

I'm guessing he was looking for Scooby Snacks?

[Becks]

intermezzo razzmatazz

Awesome!! A name for a future family pet!!!

God help you if they advanced to crystal ducks though.

...I've never seen one of *those* before...

I can see loud and hard, but I’m not sure how one walks spitefully per say.

Easy. I've done it. (I'm not a nice person...people just think I am for some reason.)

a totally naked dude sitting out front on a lawn chair with nothing by a walkie talkie and a pair of handcuffs?

Oddly enough, I can see a few of the cops I know doing that.

[Gravekeeper]

I didn't think it was possible for you to top the "Naked Security Squad" in terms of hilarity, and you proved me wrong.

"Bare Essentials Security Solutions"

They're huddled somewhere in their lairs, perfecting their "phat beats" so they can compete in THIS.

....that....is by far one of the worst idea's I have ever seen for a show. American Idol is bad enough. But if you restrict it specifically to rap/hip hop? Oh God.

[Kazim]

Lurker reporting in
Been reading your posts GK for a while.
And i love them.
All i can say is Dildo Nightstick...

[WinterWolf]

The Very Next Day

It’s still not safe out there. Even this morning when I was on my way home. As I approached Granville I heard a desperate, somewhat sloshed voice from behind me begin to yell “Sir! Sir! Exchush me! Sir!”. Now, if there is one thing I’ve learned about downtown Vancouver in my years in this city, it’s that if anyone calls out to you from behind you never look back. Just keep on walking and pretend you didn’t hear. If you turn back you run the risk of making eye contact. In which case all is lost.

However, as I persisted in my non-acknowledgement, the plea turned to “Can you spare a few bucks so I can feed my puppy?!“ at which point I am not ashamed to admit I began a rather hurried speed walk. As fast as I could go without breaking into a sprint and drawing further attention to myself.

I feared I would trigger some sort of pursuit instinct if I bolted out right.

"If we try to run they're like to chase us. That's their way. "

Vancouvereavers?

[b2addm]

I am quite literally at Naked Justice. Thank you, thank you for sharing that...

[Jester]

I can see loud and hard, but I’m not sure how one walks spitefully per say.

Trust me, it's doable. Done it, seen it done, etc., etc. Consider yourself fortunate if you've never been involved with someone who did this....

If such a scenario were true, I would not concern yourself over it. Because it would mean that I was a raving idiot as it would imply I would be inexplicable and intentionally sleeping at the office……directly next to a phone. In which case your conscience should be clear. Whilst I should be subject to scorn and ridicule.

What you are overlooking, GK, is that there are some phone operators that work from home, so may well be asleep, even if they are on-call.

Admittedly most such workers are involved in the "talk dirty to me" industry, but that's besides the point. After all, the people who call you at these hours are generally probably the same people who patronize those services....

….wait wait, back up a moment. So you were at home, you heard someone trying to break in your front door and your first reaction was to throw open the door, naked, and chase him all the way out of the building….naked.

This I can totally see. You are awakened by someone in your place, trying to steal your stuff. My first reaction would be to go after the motherfucker. Modesty would hardly be of paramount importance to me, or even occur to me until well into the action.

Also, you should factor in that I (and presumably other people as well) am not really shy, and would rather protect my property than worry about who sees my junk.

Since so many people have seen it anyway.

So really, if you ever get cornered on public transit by someone demanding you return his weasel ( ...and....yes I've had this happen before actually. Remind me to tell you guys about that. ), just flop over in your seat.

We're all ears.

“DON’T SHOUT! YOU SCARED MY PUPPY!!”

At which point I realized he actually thinks he has a puppy with him right this moment. Despite glaring evidence to the contrary. It was at this point that I decided perhaps it was best to hurry across the street, even if I did run the risk of being struck by a bus. The last thing I heard as I fled was him complaining that the phantom puppy had somehow run away from him.

Hopefully, it did not follow me to the office.

What amuses me is that, upon reading this, my first thought was that this person might have thought YOU were his puppy. I mean, look at the chain of events:

Dude is on the train with you, trying to feed his "puppy."
Dude follows you out of the train, still trying to feed said "puppy."
Some dude yells at the dude, and dude worries about his "puppy" being scared.
You bolt across the street.
Dude whines about his puppy running off.

Hmmmm.....

Want more evidence?

Even this morning when I was on my way home. As I approached Granville I heard a desperate, somewhat sloshed voice from behind me begin to yell “Sir! Sir! Exchush me! Sir!”.
However, as I persisted in my non-acknowledgement, the plea turned to “Can you spare a few bucks so I can feed my puppy?!“

He waited outside your place of employment all night, just so he could make sure his "puppy" was alright...and then continued trying to raise funds to feed you.., er, uh, it.

HMMMM......

….The…..Strapping Room you say? Is that a business? Or a description? Or both? Based on the name, I’m assuming its either a gym or…..er…..a male strip club?

My guess would have been a barber shop, but I'm an odd duck.

Is it evil of me to be filled with gladness for that I have a 5 minute walk to work?

My walk to work isn't even really that long.

After I park my truck, I often have a longer walk to work (parking in downtown Key West is stupid), but rather than noticing the crazies (that's more a nighttime thing here), I count how many hot chicks I see.

Some days I envy you. Most days, not so much.

I just like how he not only freely admitted it, but blamed it for his inability to catch the suspect in question. Like he totally would have had the guy if he had pants on.

I am thinking more shoes in this case. Running barefoot will slow you down.

naked justice makes me think of a super hero in nothing but boots, cape and mask for some reason...what?

Sounds like a costume I've seen more than once during Fantasy Fest. Then again, my memory during that time of year isn't so sharp......

[Gravekeeper]

Admittedly most such workers are involved in the "talk dirty to me" industry, but that's besides the point. After all, the people who call you at these hours are generally probably the same people who patronize those services....

I would rather not think of that. >.>

This I can totally see. You are awakened by someone in your place, trying to steal your stuff.

He wasn't asleep, just chilling out naked when he heard someone fiddling with his door. They guy didn't even get inside. Naked Justice went *outside* to deliver truth, justice and emotional scarring.

We're all ears.

It actually happened at my old company. I really need to throw a post together devoted solely to it as it was pre-CS years. ><

What amuses me is that, upon reading this, my first thought was that this person might have thought YOU were his puppy.

The morning after was the first time he actually paid attention to me ( thank God ), and I did not turn so he could see my face lest he recall me at a later date. >.>

I count how many hot chicks I see.

My taste in women is inexplicable random and most I see downtown at night I dismiss as idiots anyhow. Mainly because they've been dressing all winter exactly how they dressed in the summer. In some weird way I guess you kind of have to admire their unfaltering dedication to slutdom. Rain or shine, it's gotta hang out there. Even if its about to fall off from frostbite.

[Jester]

I would rather not think of that. >.>

I'm surprised you haven't with all the....revved up callers you get.

He wasn't asleep, just chilling out naked when he heard someone fiddling with his door. They guy didn't even get inside. Naked Justice went *outside* to deliver truth, justice and emotional scarring.

I still side with him. For whatever reason, let's say I was naked in my apartment. (Frankly, if I didn't have roommates, that would be a lot more common, as I am pretty much a semi-nudist anyway.) And someone tried breaking in my place. If I was of the bent to deal with the situation forthwith, as I might be (and as some people are), I would deal with it forthwith, lack of pants be damned. I don't normally react that blindly, but I can see it happening to me or many people I know.

I can also see people not even thinking of protecting their castle as the front gate is being battered down until they are dressed AND made up. Which I think is far more ridiculous, but that's another topic.

It actually happened at my old company. I really need to throw a post together devoted solely to it as it was pre-CS years. ><

So? Get on it, man!

The morning after was the first time he actually paid attention to me...

That you know of. For all you know, the entire time, you were the focus of his attention. By your own admission, you pretty much played dead and then hurried away from him so...how do you know what he was thinking? "Oh, my puppy....look at my little GK puppy...."

My taste in women is inexplicable random...

Mine is not quite as random, but it does often confuse my friends. Most of my good friends can usually figure out which girl in a room I think is hot, or which I think is the hottest, but even my oldest friends I sometimes throw for a loop, as even I don't always know what's gonna turn my crankshaft.

Greatest thing ever said about that to me was an old restaurant manager of mine: "Jester, what I like about you is that you're not into just one type of woman. You just love ALL women." Not entirely true, but not entirely false, either.

...and most I see downtown at night I dismiss as idiots anyhow.

When I am heading into work, I am not looking for dates, I am just enjoying the view. So frankly, I don't care if they're idiots or brain surgeons.

Crude version: Remember, there is a difference between women you'd date and women you'd just fuck.

In some weird way I guess you kind of have to admire their unfaltering dedication to slutdom.

Hey, I'm all in favor of sluts. I just wish a few more of them would direct their sluttiness in my direction. (Yes, I have high standards. But there is still a difference between dating material and banging material, even if both standard are high.)

Rain or shine, it's gotta hang out there. Even if its about to fall off from frostbite.

Not a problem faced much by the slut population in my area, to be honest. They are more afflicted by sunburn (constant threat) than frostbite (nonexistent) down here, to be honest.