Hmm, I know what you need.

[Dave in MD]

After you came to me, a parts store employee, with your description of the problem you have with your car I have come to a conclusion of what you need to fix the problem. Now I understand that you want me to provide a free service to you because even though your car is invaluable to you, you don't want to spend any money on it, money that could be better spent on the cigarettes you butted out on my outside wall and then dropped on my sidewalk or the alcohol I can smell rolling off you at 8 o'clock in the morning.
Now if you are ready, here is the part that will fix your car. A MECHANIC. Not a guy in a parking lot, but someone that works in a real shop with tools, a lift and all the things you get with a professional.

[Rosco the Iroc]

UGGH this sooo many times at A-Z auto parts.