Wherein I make snarky comments about Christmas Music

[emax4]

Classical-style Christmas instrumental music would be nice. No lyrics, just calm music

I agree. I have a cd called "An Olde World Christmas", which is just musicians playing on a lyre, harp, flute, instruments that might have been heard at a ren-faire. I think the lack of being upbeat makes it more soothing and tolerable.

[earl colby pottinger]

My question is, with so many Christmas songs out there, why do the music loops have to be so short? Really it should be possible to create a collection that takes more than a day to run the entire set from start to finish.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

You could always insert your own classics in there such as the 12 pains of Christmas and Grandma got run over by a reindeer

Here's my list:

Jingle Bombs
White Trash Christmas
Grandpa Got Run Over By a Beer Truck
The Night Santa Went Crazy

Even better is if you have a smartphone and can play them on YouTube at work. Just the other week I pulled up "Jingle Bombs" and one of my coworkers held up the iPhone to the microphone and broadcasted it all over the store.

We were closed at the time . . . . closing manager couldn't stand up straight, he was laughing THAT hard.

[Jay 2K Winger]

We were closed at the time . . . . closing manager couldn't stand up straight, he was laughing THAT hard.

That's when you glare at him and shout "SILENCE! ... I KEEL you!"

[Carina16]

Thankfully, I am not subjected to Christmas music at work, which I'm sure would be the most grating song they could find in the world. Since this is not the case though, I get to listen to my two favorite songs from the season. Baby, it's Cold Outside, sung by the two gay guys from Glee. And Jingle Bombs, by Achmed the Terrorist. Anyone that has not heard Jingle Bombs, should take the time to Youtube it.

[Ironclad Alibi]

If you want some relief, look up Bob rivers.

One of my favorite Bob Rivers Christmas songs is O Little Town Of Bethlehem sung to the tune of House Of The Rising Sun. A couple of others are The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen and Rummy Rocker Boy.

[manybellsdown]

MS: Faliz Navidad, Faliz Navidad, Faliz Navidad, Prospero ano y Falicidad
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, from the bottom of my heart

Oops, I missed some of that, can you please repeat that about seven more times?
Seriously though song, you are incredibly devious and sinister. Your insanely repetitive and simple lyrics will drill themselves into a hidden part of my brain. And then tomorrow at lunch before work I'll be boiling water on the stove, and to the complete surprise of both myself and some roommates, I will shout out at the top of my lungs: "FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEEEEARRRT."

This is exactly what I do. I started singing it alone in the house while making some lunch the other day. It was then I realized that I'm never going to grow up, am I?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

This is going to make me sound like an asshole, but I don't care.

I hate, with every fiber of my existence, those downer Christmas songs "Happy Xmas" and "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

I don't need pop stars to remind me the world is full of pain and death and suffering and starvation and numerous other bad things. Can't I have one day of the year to not have to think about those things?

Those songs are like "Merry Christmas. I hope you choke."

[Laund-o-rama Mama]

I've always been partial to the South Park Christmas songs, like Merry Fucking Christmas by Mr. Garrison.

This is going to make me sound like an asshole, but I don't care.

I hate, with every fiber of my existence, those downer Christmas songs "Happy Xmas" and "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

I don't need pop stars to remind me the world is full of pain and death and suffering and starvation and numerous other bad things. Can't I have one day of the year to not have to think about those things?

Those songs are like "Merry Christmas. I hope you choke."

Agreed. These songs also have the "benefit" of coming across as really, really patronizing as well.

[NateTheChops]

"Baby it's cold outside" and "Let it Snow."

Dude, let the woman go. We bash Twilight followers for thinking Edward and Bella have a healthy relationship but we have to put up with four or five versions of a song that's essentially about a guy who has a problem with his girlfriend returning to her family.

"Walking in a Winter Wonderland."

Have you been paying attention to the weather this past month? There's more snow in Africa this Christmas.

"Do They Know it's Christmas Time"

They didn't know it in the 80's, but I bet they know it now.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

"Do they know it's Christmastime at all?"

Yes, for "Bob's" sake, yes!! We have managed to infect every corner of the world, Christian or not, with Santa Claus. They have it in Iraq, Iran, and everywhere else you think they wouldn't. They are not ignorant--95 percent of those places at the very least have internet cafes. I hear in Nigeria they have a Christmas there that would put us to shame.

[taxguykarl]

My question is, with so many Christmas songs out there, why do the music loops have to be so short? Really it should be possible to create a collection that takes more than a day to run the entire set from start to finish.

Yes it would, but to hear it from the 1st of November to Christmas Eve, would still get tiresome as a shift would cover the same set...unless it were randomized.

[Merriweather]

You have my sympathies.

When I was a teenager, I was a bell-ringer for the Salvation Army. Basically, I stood for 8 straight hours on Saturday outside a now-out-of-business chain store. They had their own Christmas Album they were selling that year, with various artists on it. Which they played, not only in store, but outside into the parking lot. So for 8 straight hours on Saturdays (and I think some evenings as well) I more or less stood there smiling like an idiot, saying "thank you, Merry Christmas", and listening to that one album - over and over and over.....

To this day (and it's now been several decades, mind you) I hear one of those songs, especially the specific version by whatever artist did it on the album, and when it finishes, my mind jumps straight to whatever song would have been next on that album (and no, I did NOT buy that album, LOL).

[firecat88]

I hate, with every fiber of my existence, those downer Christmas songs "Happy Xmas" and "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

I don't need pop stars to remind me the world is full of pain and death and suffering and starvation and numerous other bad things. Can't I have one day of the year to not have to think about those things?

Those songs are like "Merry Christmas. I hope you choke."

Agreed. Any song that has an undertone of 'Yeah, it's Christmas. Time for celebrating, but not too much because there's so much badness going on in the world' is on my 'I hate you, please go die' list. The other ones that irritate me are the pop remixes that try to make whatever song it is more 'hip'. For the love of all things holy, can we *please* stop this trend?

[XCashier]

So I recently discovered that I unconsciously snark at these songs when they play in an attempt to keep my sanity, so today I decided to consciously snark at them.

Most of us are not strangers to repetitive Christmas Muzak, and some of us have written our own parodies. Sometimes I sing them under my breath when the offending songs come on.

MS: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock

Okay song, quite the creative suggestion you have there. Certainly walking through mall holding a holiday-themed boulder would be an interesting weapon of choice. A+ for creativity.

Particularly if you get to catapult said rock through the offending speaker.