Tweet
Current Position Reminder: Riding herd over techs and clients with machine problems overnight. Machines are copiers, printers, scanners, fax machines, etc.
Ever since the new database software was installed and all four legacy databases merged into it, I've been expecting disaster. (See my post about that worry at http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=28199). Long story short, the changes that have been made are so:
- Instead of using the last 8 digits of the S/N of the machine to bring up an account, we have to use the whole thing. Most clients don't know it.
- "Special instructions", like who has the very expensive After-Hours service contract, was NOT carried over to the new system. It's getting put in there "later".
- Billable calls on machines without service contracts can no longer be invoiced. At all. Check, credit card, or PO number must be applied at the time of the call. No exceptions. NONE.
And yes, no notification was sent to the customers about these changes. Thank you, upper management.
Now that the background is set, I must report a pleasant surprise. Not too many accounts got jacked in the database changeover. My call volume overnight has increased 40%, but I no longer have techs calling me as I have no access to their system. Customers have been mostly smooth so far, but I understand daytime has been getting their ass reamed with chainsaws.
I should have known the honeymoon was too good to last.
This week, the Angry People have been calling in. Minor stuff, but noteworthy enough to be recorded and posted here. HOWEVER, most of it has been blotted out of my mind by the utter and complete stupidity I have witnessed tonight. Still, I will first provide some appetizers before the main course.
=====
(Thursday night)
ME: Ich
HN: Hawaiian Nurse
*phone ringy*
ME: Good evening, *greeting and name*, what may I do for you?
HN: Yes, I need to place an order for toner.
ME: My apologies, ma'am, the Supply Department is already closed for the evening and have forwarded their phones to After Hours Technical Support. You would need to call the same number that you dialed tomorrow (Friday) between the hours of 7AM to 8PM EST.
HN: But it's only 6PM!
ME: And where are you located, ma'am?
HN: I'm in Small Hospital in Kailua Kona.
ME: Ma'am, I recognize that town as being in Hawaii. You are contacting Atlanta, GA - that's where this department and the Supply Department is located. It is currently midnight here.
HN: What? That's ridiculous!
ME: *puzzled* Ma'am?
HN: Why aren't I reaching the office here in Hawaii?!?
ME: The Supply Department is only located in the Atlanta office. They do not have any supplies in the local service offices, only sales representatives and onsite technicians.
HN: Well, can't a tech bring out some toner to me tomorrow morning? We're completely out and we desparately need it. We get all our paperwork off this thing!
ME: Unfortunately, ma'am, the local offices do not carry supplies. In order for a tech to bring you some toner, he would first have to order it from our Supply Department tomorrow and wait for it to be shipped from Atlanta to his location. It would be faster to go directly through the Supply Department and have it shipped direct.
HN: *flabbergasted* He has to wait for it to come from the MAINLAND? I don't believe that. What office supply stores carry it? I'll just get some there.
ME: We do not have any office supply stores as vendors for our toner, ma'am. We consider our toner propietary and we are the only suppliers of it. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, but you would only be able to acquire toner from our Supply Department, who will be available tomorrow.
HN: I don't believe this! What are we supposed to do? How do we get our paperwork?
ME: I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't have another option to give you.
HN: I don't believe this! *hangs up*
Order back-ups, people. Keep this stuff in stock.
=====
(Thursday night)
ME: Moi
LL: Law Lady
*phone ringy*
ME: Good evening, *greeting and name*, what may I do for you?
LL: Oh, this is Lawyer Lady with Attorney People and I've got a problem with my machine. It's coming up with an error code.
ME: And what error code is that, ma'am?
LL: *tells error code*
ME: OK. That indicates a problem with Tray 3. It may be a false sensor reading, and if so, we can fix that right now. The first thing we'll need to do is to open Tray 3, and with it open, turn off the machine using the red power switch on the left-hand side.
LL: Ummm...will turning it off clear the memory?
ME: Yes.
LL: We can't do that.
ME: ...OK. Why not?
LL: I typed something up on my computer and sent it to print and deleted it already. Then it jammed and now it's only in the job list queue on the machine! I really need this document for tomorrow morning.
ME: *Crap. You've screwed yourself good.* It's not in the print queue on your computer?
LL: No, it's only here in the job list.
ME: Well, ma'am, there's not going to really be a solution for that. There are two options here. This error code might be a false sensor reading, which is cleared by shutting the machine down and clearing the memory, which includes the job list. If it is an actual error, a technician will have to come out to repair the tray, which again will involve shutting down the machine and clearing the memory. So either way, the memory has to be cleared.
LL: There's no way to bypass the error?
ME: No, ma'am.
LL: *sounding teary* But I just spent three hours typing this document!
ME: I'm sorry, ma'am, but I have no other options to give you.
LL: *sounding real teary* Well, never mind. I'll just have to see what I can do.
I'm betting it was a brief or something similar that was needed tomorrow.
=====
(Friday night)
ME: Me
RM: Railroad Man
*phone ringy*
ME: Good evening, *greeting and name*, what may I do for you?
RM: I got transferred here from the other guy.
ME: *notes that this is a direct call-in to my line - who did he get transferred from?* Ok, sorry about that. What may I do for you?
RM: Well, this is Railroad Man from Huge Damn Railroad. I'm at the Big Station out in Large State. We've got a machine here of yours that's shot the bed for the second time this month.
ME: *Que?* It's...shot the bed?
RM: Broke! Don't you know what broke is?
ME: How did it break, sir?
RM: The paper drawer is busted. We were reloading with paper and it wouldn't go back in, so we pushed on it, and it cracked and pieces came off.
ME: *gets serial number and everything to bring it up* Mm....ok. Well, we'll issue the tech out. Here's your confirmation number; he'll be contacting you on Monday in order to schedule a time to come out.
RM: He ain't gonna be here tomorrow?
ME: No, the hours for our techs are 8-5 local time M-F. Working on the weekends makes it an after-hours call, which you may request, but is not covered under your contract.
RM: *indignant* Why the hell not? We're 24 hours!
ME: Huge Damn Railroad Corporate decided not to purchase 24-hour support. It's available, but it's billable.
RM: Well, it can't be that dang much.
ME: It's a minimum of $1200, sir. Payable in advance.
RM: ...
RM: You people are fucking jackass crooks. Send that goddamn tech out on Monday. *slams phone*
ME: *to dead air* Same to you.
=====
Now on to the main course for the evening. Please bear with me; this includes some co-worker suck along with it.
Me: I
CW: Co-Worker
OSB: Other Shift Boss
SC: Le Customer
HSM: Hawaii Service Manager
So tonight, Friday, it's supposed to be just me and CW on the shift. There are two overnight shifts; mine is Wed-Sat and the other is Sun-Wed. So, I generally only see the supe of the other overnight shift on Wednesday. Tonight, OSB happened to be in to take care of some paperwork he had skipped out on this week. CW and I are available for calls, OSB is just sitting at his desk chowing down on bureaucracy.
CW: Hey, BlackIronCrown, can I get you for a second?
ME: Sure. What's up?
CW: I have a guy on the line from Annoying Hawaiian Bank. Y'know, they've got those Hewlett-Packards.
*Note: My company does not manufacture or support any brand outside of ours. We USED to, though. Annoying Hawaiian Bank had a contract for us to take care of their HP printers, but this ran out a couple of years ago. It's been billable since then. We'll send a tech out, but we'll charge them for it.*
ME: Yup, I know them.
CW: He wants to talk to someone higher than me. He's saying they've got a maintenance contract.
ME: *lifts an eyebrow* Really? Put him on through.
*transfer occurs*
ME: This is Me, how may I help you.
SC: The guy I was talking to before is saying we don't have a contract on this printer. I know we've got a contract.
ME: What's the phone number for your location?
SC: What about the serial number? The serial number is-
ME: As you know, since you don't have My Company machines, I can't look it up by serial number. What is the phone number for your location?
SC: It's *phone number*.
ME: Ok. This is an HP 4000 printer, right?
SC: Yup. It's a piece of crap too, it's jamming all the time and we can't print anything.
ME: Ok, we can send a tech out for it. However, this machine is no longer under contract and it will be a billable call.
SC: Listen, you goddamn assholes don't know what you're talking about. This thing has a contract!
ME: Actually, the contract on it ran out 2 years ago and was never renewed. We've been billing you since then. In fact, we billed you for the last two calls you had on this machine. I see where it was invoiced to your Help Desk for the bank.
SC: I don't know a damn thing about that. Whatever. Just send a tech.
ME: Ok. I'll need a method of payment to do that with.
SC: A method of payment? You've never asked us for that before!
ME: That is correct. We switched to a new billing system at the end of April; we now no longer invoice for our service. We will need to have a check number, credit card number, or PO number listed on the account before we'll issue for service.
SC: We're not fucking doing that!
Me: Then we're not sending a tech.
SC: I want your goddamn boss!
Me: He'll be here at this number on Monday from 8AM to 5PM Eastern. His name is Big Boss. He will, however, tell you the exact same thing. We do not make-
SC: Fuck you! I'm calling the guy here in Hawaii! *click*
Shrugging, I hang up and relay to OSB and CW his side of the conversation. We go on about our business.
Ten minutes later, my phone rings. This is where the co-worker suck enters in.
*phone ringy*
Me: Good evening, *greeting and name*, what may I do for you?
HSM: Uh, yeah, this is, uh, Hawaii Service Manager. I'm calling about one of our customers. Uh, is there a supe I can speak to there?
I put down what I was working on and go into "Que?" mode. Service Managers NEVER call into us. Ever.
Me: The supervisor would be myself. What customer is this in reference to?
HSM: Uh, were you speaking to Annoying Hawaiian Bank earlier?
Me: Indeed I was.
HSM: Well, they called me and they're all kinds of pissed off. They're saying something about how you're saying they don't have a contract.
Me: That's correct. They're stocked with those HPs we used to support. Are you familiar with them?
HSM: Yeah.
Me: Well, those all went off contract two years ago. They've been billable calls for a long time now. There's no contract on them.
HSM: Yeah, there is, man.
Me: ...
Me: Where is it listed? It's not in the New Database. It isn't even on any permanent notes in the Old Database. What type of contract is this?
HSM: Well, uh, you know how Annoying Hawaiian Bank is one of our big clients here in Hawaii, right, man? They bring in something like 100k a year in revenue.
Me: No, I didn't know that. But that doesn't tell me where the contract info is.
HSM: Well, uh, I kinda worked out an, uh, arrangement with them, man. We only charge them $99/hour for working on those machines.
At this, my jaw drops. That's a THIRD of what we should be charging.
Me: We're WHAT?
OSB and CW look up and start paying attention.
HSM: Well, they bring in so much money and they're such good customers, man, that, y'know, I made an arrangement with them.
Me: Is this arrangement anywhere in the billing system?!?
HSM: Uh, no, it's just kinda a verbal contract. Y'know, it's a deal between them and us.
Me: Well, we don't know anything about it. We've never been advised of it.
HSM: So why can't you send a tech out?
Me: We have to have a method of payment beforehand. Remember? The New Database requires a method of payment on all billable calls to be listed before sending a tech. Old Database didn't require that - we just invoiced the customers.
HSM: Oh. Well, just invoice them in New Database.
Me: ...
Me: We can't. The system doesn't allow it.
HSM: Aw, man. You GOTTA invoice them!
Me: *irritated* We're not doing invoicing anymore. We haven't done it since May 1st. We CAN'T invoice; the New Database is not programmed for it.
HSM: But we've got this arrangement...
Me: Then it needs to be inputted into the New Database so it knows that information and treats it like a service contract. Have you talked to the Contract Administrators in your office?
HSM: Oh, man, they don't know anything.
Me: ...Ok, well, we can notify New Database Escalation Department and have them program it into New Datab-
HSM: *agitated* Oh, no, no, no, man. Look, can we work this out somehow? We've got to keep this on the down-low.
Me: ...
Me: ...WHAT?
HSM: Man, this is just an arrangement between us and Annoying Hawaiian Bank. There's no paperwork or anything. We just need to keep this on the down-low and get techs out.
Me: ...
Me: Let me get this straight. Did YOU make this arrangement?
HSM: Yeah, man. I talked with them and they talked to me and we worked it out.
Me: And there's no documentation?
HSM: Well, no. It's just an arrangement, man. It keeps 'em with us. They give us 100K in revenue every year.
Me: So you want me to invoice them on a VERBAL ARRANGEMENT that no one knows about. *getting pissed and sounding it* You want me to invoice them and send a tech on a SIDE DEAL that you arranged and that can't be put into the system? For $99/hour? When INVOICING A CUSTOMER without prepayment is an INSTANT TERMINATION OFFENCE?
HSM: Hey, man, you don't have to tell anyone. Just keep it on the down-low.
ME: There IS no down-low in New Database. It's not possible. We can't do that for you. Invoicing is something that's NOT programmed in New Database. And with Old Database taken offline and archived, there's NO WAY to invoice.
HSM: Aw, man, what am I going to do then?
Me: *frosty* You'll just have to call Annoying Hawaiian Bank and figure it out with them. Unless it's programmed here, we can't do anything.
HSM: Oh, man. Oh well. I'll figure it out. Thanks anyway. *click*
I got off the line and I'm completely blank. I hear a click on my headset and I see OSB take off his headphones; he listened in.
OSB: You know you're going to have to tell Big Boss, right?
Me: *swallow* Yeah.
OSB: That dumbass Hawaiian Service Manager. He's always been pulling shit like this. Nearly got his ass canned four years ago for shit like this.
Me: Well, now you know, so you know what to tell your people.
OSB: Pretty much.
This, this is pretty bad. I've now got a guy who runs 50+ techs in a whole state who's made an under-the-table deal for service that's not on the records. Not. Good. It's going to have to be reported on Monday morning and I'm NOT looking forward to the fallout.
Ever since the new database software was installed and all four legacy databases merged into it, I've been expecting disaster. (See my post about that worry at http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=28199). Long story short, the changes that have been made are so:
- Instead of using the last 8 digits of the S/N of the machine to bring up an account, we have to use the whole thing. Most clients don't know it.
- "Special instructions", like who has the very expensive After-Hours service contract, was NOT carried over to the new system. It's getting put in there "later".
- Billable calls on machines without service contracts can no longer be invoiced. At all. Check, credit card, or PO number must be applied at the time of the call. No exceptions. NONE.
And yes, no notification was sent to the customers about these changes. Thank you, upper management.
Now that the background is set, I must report a pleasant surprise. Not too many accounts got jacked in the database changeover. My call volume overnight has increased 40%, but I no longer have techs calling me as I have no access to their system. Customers have been mostly smooth so far, but I understand daytime has been getting their ass reamed with chainsaws.
I should have known the honeymoon was too good to last.
This week, the Angry People have been calling in. Minor stuff, but noteworthy enough to be recorded and posted here. HOWEVER, most of it has been blotted out of my mind by the utter and complete stupidity I have witnessed tonight. Still, I will first provide some appetizers before the main course.
=====
(Thursday night)
ME: Ich
HN: Hawaiian Nurse
*phone ringy*
ME: Good evening, *greeting and name*, what may I do for you?
HN: Yes, I need to place an order for toner.
ME: My apologies, ma'am, the Supply Department is already closed for the evening and have forwarded their phones to After Hours Technical Support. You would need to call the same number that you dialed tomorrow (Friday) between the hours of 7AM to 8PM EST.
HN: But it's only 6PM!
ME: And where are you located, ma'am?
HN: I'm in Small Hospital in Kailua Kona.
ME: Ma'am, I recognize that town as being in Hawaii. You are contacting Atlanta, GA - that's where this department and the Supply Department is located. It is currently midnight here.
HN: What? That's ridiculous!
ME: *puzzled* Ma'am?
HN: Why aren't I reaching the office here in Hawaii?!?
ME: The Supply Department is only located in the Atlanta office. They do not have any supplies in the local service offices, only sales representatives and onsite technicians.
HN: Well, can't a tech bring out some toner to me tomorrow morning? We're completely out and we desparately need it. We get all our paperwork off this thing!
ME: Unfortunately, ma'am, the local offices do not carry supplies. In order for a tech to bring you some toner, he would first have to order it from our Supply Department tomorrow and wait for it to be shipped from Atlanta to his location. It would be faster to go directly through the Supply Department and have it shipped direct.
HN: *flabbergasted* He has to wait for it to come from the MAINLAND? I don't believe that. What office supply stores carry it? I'll just get some there.
ME: We do not have any office supply stores as vendors for our toner, ma'am. We consider our toner propietary and we are the only suppliers of it. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, but you would only be able to acquire toner from our Supply Department, who will be available tomorrow.
HN: I don't believe this! What are we supposed to do? How do we get our paperwork?
ME: I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't have another option to give you.
HN: I don't believe this! *hangs up*
Order back-ups, people. Keep this stuff in stock.
=====
(Thursday night)
ME: Moi
LL: Law Lady
*phone ringy*
ME: Good evening, *greeting and name*, what may I do for you?
LL: Oh, this is Lawyer Lady with Attorney People and I've got a problem with my machine. It's coming up with an error code.
ME: And what error code is that, ma'am?
LL: *tells error code*
ME: OK. That indicates a problem with Tray 3. It may be a false sensor reading, and if so, we can fix that right now. The first thing we'll need to do is to open Tray 3, and with it open, turn off the machine using the red power switch on the left-hand side.
LL: Ummm...will turning it off clear the memory?
ME: Yes.
LL: We can't do that.
ME: ...OK. Why not?
LL: I typed something up on my computer and sent it to print and deleted it already. Then it jammed and now it's only in the job list queue on the machine! I really need this document for tomorrow morning.
ME: *Crap. You've screwed yourself good.* It's not in the print queue on your computer?
LL: No, it's only here in the job list.
ME: Well, ma'am, there's not going to really be a solution for that. There are two options here. This error code might be a false sensor reading, which is cleared by shutting the machine down and clearing the memory, which includes the job list. If it is an actual error, a technician will have to come out to repair the tray, which again will involve shutting down the machine and clearing the memory. So either way, the memory has to be cleared.
LL: There's no way to bypass the error?
ME: No, ma'am.
LL: *sounding teary* But I just spent three hours typing this document!
ME: I'm sorry, ma'am, but I have no other options to give you.
LL: *sounding real teary* Well, never mind. I'll just have to see what I can do.
I'm betting it was a brief or something similar that was needed tomorrow.
=====
(Friday night)
ME: Me
RM: Railroad Man
*phone ringy*
ME: Good evening, *greeting and name*, what may I do for you?
RM: I got transferred here from the other guy.
ME: *notes that this is a direct call-in to my line - who did he get transferred from?* Ok, sorry about that. What may I do for you?
RM: Well, this is Railroad Man from Huge Damn Railroad. I'm at the Big Station out in Large State. We've got a machine here of yours that's shot the bed for the second time this month.
ME: *Que?* It's...shot the bed?
RM: Broke! Don't you know what broke is?
ME: How did it break, sir?
RM: The paper drawer is busted. We were reloading with paper and it wouldn't go back in, so we pushed on it, and it cracked and pieces came off.
ME: *gets serial number and everything to bring it up* Mm....ok. Well, we'll issue the tech out. Here's your confirmation number; he'll be contacting you on Monday in order to schedule a time to come out.
RM: He ain't gonna be here tomorrow?
ME: No, the hours for our techs are 8-5 local time M-F. Working on the weekends makes it an after-hours call, which you may request, but is not covered under your contract.
RM: *indignant* Why the hell not? We're 24 hours!
ME: Huge Damn Railroad Corporate decided not to purchase 24-hour support. It's available, but it's billable.
RM: Well, it can't be that dang much.
ME: It's a minimum of $1200, sir. Payable in advance.
RM: ...
RM: You people are fucking jackass crooks. Send that goddamn tech out on Monday. *slams phone*
ME: *to dead air* Same to you.
=====
Now on to the main course for the evening. Please bear with me; this includes some co-worker suck along with it.
Me: I
CW: Co-Worker
OSB: Other Shift Boss
SC: Le Customer
HSM: Hawaii Service Manager
So tonight, Friday, it's supposed to be just me and CW on the shift. There are two overnight shifts; mine is Wed-Sat and the other is Sun-Wed. So, I generally only see the supe of the other overnight shift on Wednesday. Tonight, OSB happened to be in to take care of some paperwork he had skipped out on this week. CW and I are available for calls, OSB is just sitting at his desk chowing down on bureaucracy.
CW: Hey, BlackIronCrown, can I get you for a second?
ME: Sure. What's up?
CW: I have a guy on the line from Annoying Hawaiian Bank. Y'know, they've got those Hewlett-Packards.
*Note: My company does not manufacture or support any brand outside of ours. We USED to, though. Annoying Hawaiian Bank had a contract for us to take care of their HP printers, but this ran out a couple of years ago. It's been billable since then. We'll send a tech out, but we'll charge them for it.*
ME: Yup, I know them.
CW: He wants to talk to someone higher than me. He's saying they've got a maintenance contract.
ME: *lifts an eyebrow* Really? Put him on through.
*transfer occurs*
ME: This is Me, how may I help you.
SC: The guy I was talking to before is saying we don't have a contract on this printer. I know we've got a contract.
ME: What's the phone number for your location?
SC: What about the serial number? The serial number is-
ME: As you know, since you don't have My Company machines, I can't look it up by serial number. What is the phone number for your location?
SC: It's *phone number*.
ME: Ok. This is an HP 4000 printer, right?
SC: Yup. It's a piece of crap too, it's jamming all the time and we can't print anything.
ME: Ok, we can send a tech out for it. However, this machine is no longer under contract and it will be a billable call.
SC: Listen, you goddamn assholes don't know what you're talking about. This thing has a contract!
ME: Actually, the contract on it ran out 2 years ago and was never renewed. We've been billing you since then. In fact, we billed you for the last two calls you had on this machine. I see where it was invoiced to your Help Desk for the bank.
SC: I don't know a damn thing about that. Whatever. Just send a tech.
ME: Ok. I'll need a method of payment to do that with.
SC: A method of payment? You've never asked us for that before!
ME: That is correct. We switched to a new billing system at the end of April; we now no longer invoice for our service. We will need to have a check number, credit card number, or PO number listed on the account before we'll issue for service.
SC: We're not fucking doing that!
Me: Then we're not sending a tech.
SC: I want your goddamn boss!
Me: He'll be here at this number on Monday from 8AM to 5PM Eastern. His name is Big Boss. He will, however, tell you the exact same thing. We do not make-
SC: Fuck you! I'm calling the guy here in Hawaii! *click*
Shrugging, I hang up and relay to OSB and CW his side of the conversation. We go on about our business.
Ten minutes later, my phone rings. This is where the co-worker suck enters in.
*phone ringy*
Me: Good evening, *greeting and name*, what may I do for you?
HSM: Uh, yeah, this is, uh, Hawaii Service Manager. I'm calling about one of our customers. Uh, is there a supe I can speak to there?
I put down what I was working on and go into "Que?" mode. Service Managers NEVER call into us. Ever.
Me: The supervisor would be myself. What customer is this in reference to?
HSM: Uh, were you speaking to Annoying Hawaiian Bank earlier?
Me: Indeed I was.
HSM: Well, they called me and they're all kinds of pissed off. They're saying something about how you're saying they don't have a contract.
Me: That's correct. They're stocked with those HPs we used to support. Are you familiar with them?
HSM: Yeah.
Me: Well, those all went off contract two years ago. They've been billable calls for a long time now. There's no contract on them.
HSM: Yeah, there is, man.
Me: ...
Me: Where is it listed? It's not in the New Database. It isn't even on any permanent notes in the Old Database. What type of contract is this?
HSM: Well, uh, you know how Annoying Hawaiian Bank is one of our big clients here in Hawaii, right, man? They bring in something like 100k a year in revenue.
Me: No, I didn't know that. But that doesn't tell me where the contract info is.
HSM: Well, uh, I kinda worked out an, uh, arrangement with them, man. We only charge them $99/hour for working on those machines.
At this, my jaw drops. That's a THIRD of what we should be charging.
Me: We're WHAT?
OSB and CW look up and start paying attention.
HSM: Well, they bring in so much money and they're such good customers, man, that, y'know, I made an arrangement with them.
Me: Is this arrangement anywhere in the billing system?!?
HSM: Uh, no, it's just kinda a verbal contract. Y'know, it's a deal between them and us.
Me: Well, we don't know anything about it. We've never been advised of it.
HSM: So why can't you send a tech out?
Me: We have to have a method of payment beforehand. Remember? The New Database requires a method of payment on all billable calls to be listed before sending a tech. Old Database didn't require that - we just invoiced the customers.
HSM: Oh. Well, just invoice them in New Database.
Me: ...
Me: We can't. The system doesn't allow it.
HSM: Aw, man. You GOTTA invoice them!
Me: *irritated* We're not doing invoicing anymore. We haven't done it since May 1st. We CAN'T invoice; the New Database is not programmed for it.
HSM: But we've got this arrangement...
Me: Then it needs to be inputted into the New Database so it knows that information and treats it like a service contract. Have you talked to the Contract Administrators in your office?
HSM: Oh, man, they don't know anything.
Me: ...Ok, well, we can notify New Database Escalation Department and have them program it into New Datab-
HSM: *agitated* Oh, no, no, no, man. Look, can we work this out somehow? We've got to keep this on the down-low.
Me: ...
Me: ...WHAT?
HSM: Man, this is just an arrangement between us and Annoying Hawaiian Bank. There's no paperwork or anything. We just need to keep this on the down-low and get techs out.
Me: ...
Me: Let me get this straight. Did YOU make this arrangement?
HSM: Yeah, man. I talked with them and they talked to me and we worked it out.
Me: And there's no documentation?
HSM: Well, no. It's just an arrangement, man. It keeps 'em with us. They give us 100K in revenue every year.
Me: So you want me to invoice them on a VERBAL ARRANGEMENT that no one knows about. *getting pissed and sounding it* You want me to invoice them and send a tech on a SIDE DEAL that you arranged and that can't be put into the system? For $99/hour? When INVOICING A CUSTOMER without prepayment is an INSTANT TERMINATION OFFENCE?
HSM: Hey, man, you don't have to tell anyone. Just keep it on the down-low.
ME: There IS no down-low in New Database. It's not possible. We can't do that for you. Invoicing is something that's NOT programmed in New Database. And with Old Database taken offline and archived, there's NO WAY to invoice.
HSM: Aw, man, what am I going to do then?
Me: *frosty* You'll just have to call Annoying Hawaiian Bank and figure it out with them. Unless it's programmed here, we can't do anything.
HSM: Oh, man. Oh well. I'll figure it out. Thanks anyway. *click*
I got off the line and I'm completely blank. I hear a click on my headset and I see OSB take off his headphones; he listened in.
OSB: You know you're going to have to tell Big Boss, right?
Me: *swallow* Yeah.
OSB: That dumbass Hawaiian Service Manager. He's always been pulling shit like this. Nearly got his ass canned four years ago for shit like this.
Me: Well, now you know, so you know what to tell your people.
OSB: Pretty much.
This, this is pretty bad. I've now got a guy who runs 50+ techs in a whole state who's made an under-the-table deal for service that's not on the records. Not. Good. It's going to have to be reported on Monday morning and I'm NOT looking forward to the fallout.
Comment