People touching you

[JustADude]

I'm lucky since, being 6'5"/196cm 375lbs/170kg and broad framed*, I've got the kind of presence that pretty much guarantees personal space in any situation short of a crowded subway car. I occasionally have to turn on a glower (aka, the "Grrrrrr" look) to get the effect with certain blockheads, but they all get the hint eventually.




*Yes, I'm officially 'big boned', so I come off as solid and stocky rather than actually fat.

[Sliceanddice]

off topic but the tital made me think of it
yesterday i was watching something stupid on tv with my sister and brother, while they where putting together a cd/dvd hideaway from ikea.
I wasnt paying attention and as they finished one part they stopped because something funny was on. My sister goes to get a screw driver while me and my brother are watching intently
She comes back, gets in my perpheral vision and startes at the tv too, and then touches my shoulder
I FREAK OUT AND MOVE MY HANDS UP TO PROTECT MY FACE
and then as she laughes her ass off and asks how could i be frightened, i yell PERSON SPACE VIOLATION PERSONAL SPACE VIOLATION and cover my face and fall giggling

[ArcticChicken]

I've only ever had one customer touch me, and she's one I really like, so I didn't mind much, though if she had touched me for longer I would have had to ask her to stop.

One of the managers gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek around Christmas time, and it didn't even occur to me that it could be weird until I was halfway across the store. I'm not unused to hugging people who are almost complete strangers, because my LARPing community is like that.

[Snowbird]

I'm lucky since, being 6'5"/196cm 375lbs/170kg and broad framed*

Entirely off topic but JustADude... hot. That is all.

Back on topic, Rerant, I so feel your pain there. I had a horrible experience, actually, more like an era, at my once much loved job. A coworker, who was nearer my mothers age than my own, was very touchy feely. She would hug me, she would touch my arm, rub my shoulder even with my apparent discomfort.

It progressed down to her coming up behind me while I sat on my lunch break, to give me a shoulder massage (not that it helped, it made me more tense than I had been, not to mention scared the crap out of me). Did it stop there? Oh no. She kissed the side of my neck. Not once, but twice, on separate occasions and the last was at a staff meeting where my best friend at work stared, jaw dropped and mouthed 'wtf?' at me when she saw it.

I know everyone will say I should have reported it, and I know now that I should have but at the time I felt trapped because she was a good family friend of my managers and anything said against her just got shrugged off, or worse, blamed on the complainers attitude. She was just being 'motherly' after all. I needed the job, so I weathered it out.

Well, I did until the day I got into a car accident and was already in a jangled mood. I came in late, but it was still before opening, so I was trying to call my insurance company to get things straightened out. She came up behind me and hugged me tight that way, trying, I'm sure, to make it all better. I snapped. I think I grew fangs and claws in that instant because I pretty much roared, 'Don't touch me!' and flailed my arms. I made her cry, and I still feel bad about that part.

All of that, and I still had to leave that job, and she ended up getting my position. And screwing it up.

Sorry this was so long, just a lot of stressy memory there. My point is, practice saying 'please don't touch me' or touch evading tactics (like pushing whatever you're carrying out further between you and the other person) before it builds up to where I got with that coworker.

[Sharsarannon]

Nobody I do not know very, very well is ever permitted to touch me without my permission. Ever.
Heck I make very clear to my friends that if they wanna hug me they have to make eye contact and check to see if it's okay first. I'm somewhat autistic and some days I cannot stand to be touched. I have a really hard time with hugs. Unless I initiate them they tend to just feel like I'm being grabbed, which sets off mental alarms and leads reflexively to violence.

Currently I work out of the house and at the moment am not doing terribly active business on the art end, so I deal with very few clients, but I used to work as an artist at a theme park that targeted a very young guest age.
Little kids will run smack into you by accident, grab you if they're falling, snug right up into your lap while you're drawing, or touch your arm or shoulder. I was raised in a big family and I am a veteran of many years of babysitting; little kids are fine.
It's adults that bug me.
If a customer got too close to me, I would step back. Inconspicuously at first, then much more obviously if they don't take the hint and keep moving into my space. If they touched me, I'd move that arm or shoulder out from under their hand like it stung, simply because that's my first reaction. (normally that reaction is accompanied by a whack from my wrist to remove the offending limb from proximity to me, but I am not to touch the guests, so I learned to play nice.)
I thankfully never had anybody dumb enough or rude enough to grab at me and NOT respond to the Flinch method of dissuasion.

[JustADude]

Entirely off topic but JustADude... hot. That is all.

Equally off-topic... thanks.

[TravisRB69]

I once had a man slap me on the ass for making a mistake.

Problem is he's my boss.

I still shiver.

Hopefully he just meant it in the way that baseball/football players slap each other on the ass all the time, and not in........the OTHER way.

On a side note, why DO baseball and football players slap each other on the ass all the time?

[donruss]

I had this problem with a new shift manager at work. Now, for those that do not know, I'm a 40 year old guy. He would always touch your arm or try to rub it or put his hand on your shoulder, that type of thing when he talked to you. He was an older (50's, I believe) gentleman and it was just an uncomfortable situation. It was not in a sexual way or anything like that but uncomfortable nonetheless. I finally had to go to our GM and talk with him about it. The GM later told me that when he confronted him about it, the guy asked: "Was it one of the girls who complained about me?"

[mariamousie1]

I hate hate hate people touching me for any reason. The only person that's allowed to touch me is my mother. I have to work on that, actually. I'm a little too sensitive. My mom was once in the line at the supermarket and a woman tried to cut in front of her, mom went "Excuse me, I'm in line here" and the woman goes "Bad day, dear?" and pats her arm! My mom got really mad and told her to get her hand off or she'd be drawing back a stump. My mom is a bit like me when it comes to people touching her.

I think I should stress the passive-aggressiveness of this woman acting all sweet and patting my mom's arm just so she can cut in line. It looked like my mom is a lot meaner than she is when I wrote that.

[chainedbarista]

not mean, maria, just assertive; that hag was past wrong for cutting then pulling that crap, period.

any place that fires over unwarranted touching should also expect a lawsuit; unwanted touching = unacceptable, period.

[GingerBiscuit]

With my friends I am very tactile and huggy. Our friendship group regularly gropes each other as well. I am a little... twitchy... about strangers touching me. But, because they;ve seen me hug and grope half a dozen people since I cam in the club, random men think they can touch me...

Last one who tried got informed that if he did it again he wouldn't get his hand back.

Advantage of being friends with all the bouncers is that I get the support if someone complains about me.

Unfortunately, at work, I, for some reason, am not allowed to either yell 'that man is a pervert!! He touched me without my permission!" as they scurry away, or perform acts of grotesque violence.

*ahem* Not that I would.

[powerboy]

Only friends and family can invade my personal space. And that is either hugging or handshake. If a stranger wants to shake hands, I am open for that. If an elderly woman touches me in a good way, you damn pervs, then it is okay.

[Samaliel]

While I'm a very tactile man, if I can avoid touching a stranger, I will... Even the gentle "excuse me" tap on the shoulder to get someone's attention seems across the line for me. I'm not quite as assertive as I'd like.

[K245five]

And no, I don't mean in the creepy , pedophile way.

I'm talking about the people who come up to you and believe that its perfectly acceptable to invade your personal space, touch your arm/shoulder/back to get your attention.

This is esspecially true with the elderly (I guess people were more trusting and less concerned about their space back then) who will just let their hand stay on you for MINUTES at a time.

Personally I can't stand it.



And I've got a little thing to say if they ever do that again.

"Looking's free, touchings gonna cost you"

Is that sucky? Meh, at least it'll get the point across.

Yeah, I had that happen to me just the other day. While I was stocking eggs, an older gentleman juts puts his hand on my shoulder and asks where bagels are located. Creeped me out.

Also, older folks seem to violate personal space by getting right up in your face when talking to you. Almost like nose-to-nose sometimes.

[AdminAssistant]

Also, older folks seem to violate personal space by getting right up in your face when talking to you. Almost like nose-to-nose sometimes.

With my grandmother, it was because she was hard of hearing and had poor eyesight - so she had to get close to see and hear you. So that might be one explanation...