Stupid questions - and how I wish I could answer them (language)

[wolfie]

They were convinced that the Columbia River was the Pacific Ocean and that what they were seeing across the "ocean" was actually Japan instead of Washington State. They were apparently completely convinced of this delusion and no amount of explanation would change their mind. Hubby's roommate eventually gave up and told them she hoped they enjoyed their drive to Japan.

I hope the roommate informed the guest that in Japan they drive on the left side of the road.

You couldn't give this kid simple directions (go 4 blocks, turn left, turn right) because he'd gotten so used to having the GPS tell him where to go.

Ever had the temptation to enter the lat/long co-ordinates 42°26′05″N 83°59′06″W into his GPS (hint - it's in Michigan, about 15 miles NW of Ann Arbor), then let his GPS tell him where to go?

How far apart are the Mile Markers?
Are we talking country miles or city miles?

I'm disappointed - you should have asked them if they were talking statute miles or nautical miles.

Q: Does this water have any carbs in it?
A: ...It's water.

Too bad you didn't garnish it with a fuel injector.

[sms001]

Why are these people allowed out alone?

Because normal people are embarrassed to be seen with them.

[Deserted]

On more than one occasion, she'd say, "but Tom Tom said to turn there." And I'd say, "FUCK Tom Tom!"

Anyone wanna guess how many times I was wrong? And how many times Mr. Tom was wrong?

I'll give you a hint....we always got where we were going, never got lost, and did so in efficient fashion. I had the GPS because (A) a friend had given it to me for free, (B) it provided important information, like how far something was, what out ETA was, and what the current speed limits were (something I was unaware GPS did), and (C) in case we did get lost, we had a GPS to get us outta there!

You gotta be careful when paying attention to a GPS. I have a Garmin Nüvi (note the heavy metal umlauts) and it can be... somewhat off. Incorrect speed limits (usually marked slower on the GPS than reality, but I know of one stretch of road where the GPS claims 50 when it's really 45), roads that aren't on the GPS's map, not knowing about alternate entrances that save having to drive up & down 1-way roads, etc.

But yeah, I mostly use mine for the same reason. You have no idea how helpful it is to know that I'd have to break the sound barrier to get to a call on time.

[Jester]

I'm disappointed - you should have asked them if they were talking stature miles or nautical miles.

I don't get it. I mean, I kinda know what nautical miles are. But what are stature miles?

Also, since the Mile Markers are along the road, only an idiot would think it had anything to do with nautical miles.

Oh, wait....

Good point.

You gotta be careful when paying attention to a GPS.

For the most part it was good, but there are times I just ignored it. For example, for our first destination from the Keys, I had previously gone to google maps, gotten directions, converted them to simple English (rather than all the gobbledygook and unnecessary crap they always have about this road merging into that road when it's all one fucking road), and typed said simplistic directions on to my iPad. Which is what caused the initial argument between myself and my friend. "But Tom Tom says..." Yeah, fuck Tom Tom. I checked that route already, and it's a long as residential street. I'm just gonna go around all that crap on the freeway, thank you very much.

The funniest moment was when, approaching one of our destinations, Tom Tom kept saying to turn around....even when our destination was right in front of us. We think my friend might have typed the address in wrong, because if not, Tom Tom was truly fucked on that one.

[Chromatix]

A statute mile - the ones we normally use on land - is about 1.6km; a nautical mile - the one used at sea and in the air - is damn near 2.0km.

One nautical mile is in fact equal to one arc-minute of latitude, 60 per degree latitude. The statute mile is probably based on the "mille" or thousand paces used by the Roman Army as a unit of measure for marching.

[Deserted]

The funniest moment was when, approaching one of our destinations, Tom Tom kept saying to turn around....even when our destination was right in front of us. We think my friend might have typed the address in wrong, because if not, Tom Tom was truly fucked on that one.

Happens to me all the time. Good example: there's a hotel near the airport that has entrances on 44th St and on Van Buren. (For non-Phoenicians: those streets cross.) The hotel has a Van Buren St address, so if I'm coming down 44th & use that entrance... "Make a U-turn then turn right on 44th St, then turn right on Van Buren St..."

[Jester]

Mine was even worse. It was a liquor store on Sunset in Miami. We were coming down Sunset towards it. It was ahead on the right. But for the last mile, including the last quarter mile where we could actually SEE the liquor store, Tom Tom kept insisting we turn around.

Mind you, I'd been to this store before, and knew where it was, or I might have actually listened to Dum Dum...er, uh, Tom Tom.

(We were using the GPS because I had never gone to the liquor store that particular way. It once we were on Sunset, I knew exactly how to go, and Tom Tim's insistence that we turned around just cracked me up. And when my friend suggested that maybe we should listen to Tom Tom, that just cracked me up more.)

[RootedPhoenix]

Google Earth says that a given road in a place I used to live goes straight through when it doesn't.

I should know, I used to live on that street.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I've only used a GPS thing three times. Prior to that, I used Google Maps, wrote out the directions, and gave myself extra time just in case for when I missed a turn.

My new smartphone, meanwhile, has a navigation feature with voice directions, which came in handy my last couple of trips up to Easton, PA for wrestling shows. Although it kept trying to give me a vastly different route than I was used to. I tend to go up I-95, the GPS wanted me to go on US 15 or something. According to the GPS, a shorter trip, but I opted for the familiar rather than the speed. (The difference was only 15min, hardly world-changing.)

Then I used it again on my recent trip to the Outer Banks for my vacation. Only annoying thing was when I deviated from the route to get food, the GPS kept saying "make a U-turn" or "turn right on [whatever] road."

I took to calling the GPS voice "Navi" in those annoying moments.

"Make a U-turn." "Shut up, Navi."

[EricKei]

Hubby's roommate eventually gave up and told them she hoped they enjoyed their drive to Japan.

With certain sets of directions, google maps will tell you to "jetski across the Pacific Ocean." You think I'm kidding, don't you?

Some people hate to ask me for for directions because I always draw them a map. They don't know what to do with it.

I would love that. I'm a map-type person. I hate it when people I'm giving a ride to, decide to say "Okay, turn here!" just as I'm zipping past their corner. WARN me...

[Jester]

I took to calling the GPS voice "Navi" in those annoying moments.

"Make a U-turn." "Shut up, Navi."

Yep. I would have told Tom to shut up a lot more, but one of the first things I had my friend do was silence the little fucker. She was riding shotgun and able to read the screen, so the voice was unnecessary. Honestly, I don't know if I'd ever use that thing driving by myself.

And if you're wondering why I even have it in the first place, a friend gave it to me for free last year when I was in Houston.

Bastard.

[Ophbalance]

I took to calling the GPS voice "Navi" in those annoying moments.

"Make a U-turn." "Shut up, Navi."

Is that a Zelda reference? I'd wager it is .

[Jay 2K Winger]

Is that a Zelda reference? I'd wager it is .

It wasn't initially. But she got to be just as annoying, so it's apt.

[Deserted]

With certain sets of directions, google maps will tell you to "jetski across the Pacific Ocean." You think I'm kidding, don't you?

Seen it.

Several years ago, Microsoft's online map thing -- Encarta? MSN Maps? don't remember -- told someone that to go something like 50 miles from (I think) Wales to somewhere in England, they'd need to (essentially) FLY across the stretch of ocean between Wales and IRELAND. And then catch a ferry back.

I hate it when people I'm giving a ride to, decide to say "Okay, turn here!" just as I'm zipping past their corner. WARN me...

If someone does that to me in the cab, and there's no one right behind me, I'll just slam on the brakes. Great fun going from 40 to 0 in half a second, especially if they're not wearing their seatbelt.

(If there is a car behind me, then my passenger gets the honor of paying for an alternate, longer route.)

Yep. I would have told Tom to shut up a lot more, but one of the first things I had my friend do was silence the little fucker. She was riding shotgun and able to read the screen, so the voice was unnecessary. Honestly, I don't know if I'd ever use that thing driving by myself.

If I'm picking someone up from a location I don't know, yeah, I'll have it talk to me, but I'll read through the directions beforehand. I'll mute it while I have a passenger with me, however.

[Dentarthurdent]

With certain sets of directions, google maps will tell you to "jetski across the Pacific Ocean." You think I'm kidding, don't you?

No. I've been told to kayak across the Pacific Ocean before. I have a screenshot. I asked for directions from Hancock, MI, where my ex lived, to Paradise, WA, where I lived. It was unaware that there was a Paradise, WA (because it's in a national park and doesn't count as a real place, I guess) and instead it directed me to a Paradise in South Australia. My favorite bit is "Kayak across the Pacific Ocean. Now entering Japan". It shows stopping off in Hawaii but doesn't describe it in the directions.